Happy 15th Anniversary, ATBG! Let's Celebrate with the Best and Worst Characters List

Get out your novelty petrified eyeballs and ice cream cone wallpaper--today marks the 15th anniversary of when our favorite show of all time, As Told by Ginger, premiered on Nickelodeon!

I have to say, I was going to surprise you guys with something better. I had planned on setting up a video of me talking about As Told by Ginger and its best and worst characters, but I've been sick for the past few days and barely even feel like getting out of bed, let alone speaking, so I haven't been able to set up a proper video. However, I'll be leaving Blogger open all day today after this review is posted, so if you want to shoot me some questions or want to discuss As Told by Ginger with me, I'll be able to get back to you in the comments section of this post quickly.

Excuse me for being a total n0ob with technology. I'm not the tech-y type.

As an alternate means of celebration, I'll be listing my candidates for the top 5 best and worst characters this show has to offer. Oh, and as a rule, no one-off characters are allowed on this list, since they are too underdeveloped to count. So, here we go:



If you've been following this blog, my top 5 candidates for worst (as well as most hated) characters should be no surprise to you. These are the people who make the show so grating to watch, and would seriously be better off if someone just knocked them on their asses and told them to SHUT UP. The most irritating five--the people I wished would just get off my screen so we could focus on better characters--are:




#5 - Miranda Killgallen

Courtney's right-hand woman and unofficial best friend for reasons not even Courtney knows, Miranda is truly one of a kind. I never understood why exactly she hated Ginger so much. Okay, so maybe she was jealous of her because Courtney liked spending time with Ginger instead of her, but as we've seen, even when Courtney isn't dry-humping Ginger when she's not looking, Miranda still feels a ball of rage in the pit of her stomach any time anyone even utters "Curly red hair." I bet she hates Little Orphan Annie, too.

Everything Miranda does and says is merely to spite Ginger. While it's true a lot of people on this show are obsessed with Ginger, Miranda is obsessed with her for the sole purpose of destroying her. If this was a superhero show, Miranda would be the arch nemesis. Even her name sounds diabolical. Miranda Killgallen. It's a strange thing that Miranda is built up as this one-dimensional bully, but the fact that she has a blowhard for a father, a mother who has never been mentioned or shown, and no real friends, it makes me wonder what exactly goes on at home to make her act the way she does.

See, Miranda wouldn't actually be so bad if she had a legitimate reason to hate Ginger. Kind of like how Carl has an actual reason (albeit a bit unreasonable) to hate Jonas. But because we are given no context, other than the fact that Miranda wants Courtney all to herself, she is automatically unable to be sympathized with and comes off as bat-shit crazy in her little plots to destroy Ginger's life. I mean, if we follow that logic, why doesn't Miranda have a steaming hatred for the other girls Courtney talks to? She has a whole circle of friends (read: mindless followers) that share just as much, if not more attention than Ginger. So, why is the target on Ginger's forehead?

Not to mention, Miranda is potentially abusive. Remember in "Never Can Say Goodbye" when Darren got his headbrace removed and became an instant stud? He and Miranda started dating, and boy was Miranda abusive! She threatened Darren, called him names, and forced him into doing things he really didn't want to do just because they were Miranda's twisted idea of what a romantic relationship consists of. She needs serious therapy before she puts someone in the hospital.

And while once in a gray moon I feel a twinge of sympathy for Miranda (Courtney really is the only friend she has), I still hate her because she chooses to be a bitch, and outright says she enjoys it. Anyone who derives satisfaction from others' misery needs to be sent away from society for a very, very long time.

#4 - Brandon Higsby

This little shit makes a mockery of flamboyant boys everywhere. From his eardrum-scraping, high-pitched voice to his poor little monkey who desperately tries to escape him on a daily basis, is there anything good to say about Brandon Higsby?

I mean sure, before Carl stepped up in the third season, Higsby didn't have any real friends. Most likely because he's annoying, fake, and downright embarrassing to watch. If a circus could be packed into one person, it would be Higsby--the ringleader, elephants, and cotton candy bits littering the floor so much that you have pink fluff stuck to the bottom of your shoe forever. But in all seriousness, Higsby is grating. He's a total brown-noser, especially to Mrs. Gordon (and later to Mr. Hepper) just to force-feed this idea of what a "good little boy" he is.

In "The "A" Ticket," remember how Higsby competed with Carl and Hoodsey for the glockenspiel solo for Mr. Ludlow Krantz? When the old coot suddenly collapses on stage, Higsby doesn't run for help or try to see what's wrong. He just runs out of the auditorium yelling "I'm a good boy!" like the little chicken shit he is. Or how about the time he unleashes Mr. Licorice on Hoodsey and knocked him into an amnesiac concussion--and had absolutely no qualms about it? Or when he tried to break Carl and Hoodsey's spines by throwing marbles under their feet so they'd slip and fall and be forced to accept an invite to Higsby's nerdy birthday party? Huh. Yeah. Sounds like a saint to me!

While I will admit Higsby can be entertaining at times, I honestly just wish this little bug would buy a one-way ticket to Nickelodeon Hell, because that's where I feel like I've entered every time Higsby enters the scene. He serves no purpose to the show except to be the butt of everyone's jokes, and I feel that's a horrible character motivation. It's like the storyboarders and writers didn't know what to do with Higsby, but wanted to make him part of the show, so they decided to give him what I call the Meg Griffin treatment.


#3 - Mipsy Mipsen

Just when I thought Higsby's voice was enough to make me cover my ears and hum white noise.

Mipsy is like a live Barbie doll. No, not like Barbie in those horrible Barbie movies that seem to come out  in droves. I mean, if you took your little sister's Barbie doll, brushed her hair, and put the brush in the middle of a pentagram and accidentally made her come to life (yes, this is a direct reference to Life-Size), Mipsy would be the result. Though I don't think she would be lying next to you in bed with a creepy smile. Unless you are Joaquin.

If Courtney didn't exist, Mipsy would be the head honcho of popularity in the Lucky school district. She surfaced as the main bitch around the end of season 2 once Courtney started to realize Miranda wasn't worth keeping around anymore. Mipsy, though, has even less of a reason to hate Ginger. She has no reason to be threatened by Ginger because she--to my surprise--has friends. So, why would she agree to help Miranda get Ginger transferred to Avalanche Arts? Just for shits and giggles? I know that it's not so much mean as it is insane, but it's the implication. Mipsy is a successful social climber who will do whatever it takes to get to Courtney's level of popularity. And if that means eliminating the competition, then she's game.

But again, what does Mipsy need to be mean to Ginger for? While I know the cliche about popular girls being total bitches is alive and well in this show, Mipsy just clogs the show. We already have Miranda as the bitch who's jealous and mean for no reason. Why do we need another one? She's the female equivalent to Higsby, and had no reason to be in the show at all.

But oh, her voice. Especially when she's trying to act. What's with all the upward inflections and unnatural speech patterns? I don't know if it's because that's how she's supposed to sound, or it's bad voice acting on her voice actor's part.


#2 - Buzz Harris

You know, I actually didn't mind Buzz during the first few minutes of "TGIF," when he first premiered. He actually seemed like a genuinely sweet guy who was just a little bit backwards. I would have been totally fine with that, had he stayed that way throughout the rest of the series. But then everyone realized, "Hey, Buzz could make a cool antagonist instead of a one-off character." And thus, his character underwent flanderization real fast. There became nothing likeable about him, and this was noticeable because within the span of two episodes "TGIF" and "Mrs. Foutley's Boys," we learned that Buzz isn't just a hick with a hammer--he's a neglectful "macho man" with serious respect issues--and nowhere does he ever stop and think that he could be wrong. And for that, he is one of my most hated characters.

Here's a little hint, writers: if you're trying to make a complex character who's unlikeable but not hated by fans, try method writing. Choose someone from your own life who pisses you off, but is lovable deep down. A person with genuinely good intentions but goes about their actions in a horrible way is a good start. Or, at the very least, a person with bad intentions who can sometimes show that he can be humane is a good place to start, too. And do not change their personality traits without reason.

For Buzz to change from a strange, albeit sweet guy to a total jerkass with no sense of responsibility or respect is just awful. I feel sorry for his kids. What kind of grown man doesn't take care of his children? He sees that they're constantly beating each other up and fucking up their trailer, and thinks, "Oh, my boys are so manly!" Buzz wouldn't be so bad if someone had acknowledged how neglectful of a father he is and how much of an asshole towards Lois he is, but because his scenes are just played for laughs, as if we're just supposed to accept Buzz how he is, it makes him even more unlikable. Because he will never learn. Imagine how his kids are going to be when they grow up. At best, they'll be sitting in jail wishing they had a father who had taught them how to be real men, and not just let them run loose high on sugar rushes. At worst, they'll be dead, probably from firing firecrackers in each other's faces.



Honorable Mentions:

Mrs. Dave (Doctor Dave's Mother)

Typical one-dimensional mother-in-law who hates her son's choice of wife. Why is this such a common thing on TV? Not every mother-in-law hates their child's spouse. I think Doctor Dave's Mother is just supposed to be a curmudgeon in general, but she just takes it to levels that would get her punched in the face. Seriously, who asks a fourteen-year-old why she invited her "mother's ex-husband" to dinner?!

Ian Richton

Typical brainless jock hottie. The only time I ever actually thought brainless hottie was a good character was Ethan Craft on Lizzie McGuire. But that's only because he was funny. And a decent guy. Ian is neither of those--proven in "The "A" Ticket."

Sasha

Have I mentioned that Sasha seems like the kind of guy who would randomly text a dick pic to a girl, and then call her a lesbian bitch when she doesn't respond with an offer for sex? I believe I said some variation of it. That's the kind of vibe I get from Sasha.




And now, my #1 pick for worst character in the series:















#1 - Deirdre "Dodie" Hortense Bishop

I'll try to keep this description short, otherwise I'll have to write a book on why Dodie deserves the #1 spot. And I'm already way behind on my science fiction series.

Where to begin? Dodie is an interesting character... if "interesting" was a conglomerate of pus-filled mosquito bites showing up in patches all over your body, that is. As a desperate social-climbing, popularity-obsessed wannabe (as Ginger once described Joann), Dodie is a clone of her mother, except I wish I knew who was worse so I can know where the blame lies.

While Dodie has shown to have humane moments, they're rare and insignificant. I don't think I've ever encountered a character who deserves so much hatred as Dodie does. She is the epitome of everything I despise in a person. Sneaky, deceitful, and desperate to get her name and face out there for people to admire despite having no redeeming qualities whatsoever, she would make a successful politician one day.

I'm not sure if there's anything new I can add to this description that hasn't already been said before in the episode reviews, like in the previous descriptions of hated characters. But let me just sum it up for you: Dodie is a child. She has the mentality of someone who never got attention when she was younger, and is now making up for it by being a plague to the show. She would do anything, anything just for a taste of attention. You know those pop-up ads with the blinking lights and colors, and you can swear they're screaming, "Look at me! Look at me!"? That's Dodie.

While we know her desperation for acceptance is in her blood, it doesn't justify her behavior. Wanting to be popular and trying to make friends with the popular kids is fine. Manipulating your friends--who stand by you no matter what fucked up things you do to them--and crying when you don't get what you want because you want it sooooo much is just downright pathetic. The fact that Ginger and Macie stuck with Dodie for this long is probably what caused Dodie to become worse as the series went on, because in her mind, nothing Dodie does can tear her friendship with Ginger and Macie apart, giving her free range to do whatever the hell she wants with no repercussions.

Not to mention, the premiere of "Dodie's Big Break" was probably the reason why we have so many entitled kids in this generation. I still hate that episode with every fiber in my being. The only episode that could probably top it is if one was made with Dodie groping Joaquin against his will, and Dodie ends up getting away with practically raping him just because she wants him sooooo much. And because we all know that girls can most certainly get away with rape much more easily than guys can. Sick.

And thus, there is no reason not to hate Dodie.



And now, the top 5 BEST characters in the show:



#5 - Noelle Sussman

Starting off as a nobody to one of the most entertaining characters of the series, Noelle Sussman is like no other. 

I was, at first, afraid that Noelle's telekinesis would be the crux of her character instead of just part of her character, but thankfully, it's not as sensationalized. I mean, after the first couple of times, we would have started to grow bored with Noelle's telekinesis, so I'm glad that it was used in balance with her quirkiness. 

I only wish that Noelle and Carl's relationship had lasted longer, because they were truly adorable together. For Noelle to be a "weird" girl, she's not all that weird, actually. She is a child, and truthfully, kids are weird. No weirder than Noelle. Now if you want to talk about someone who truly is weird, let's talk about Polly Schuster (but at another time. This is Noelle's spotlight). 

Noelle, like Carl, is altruistic deep down, and she has shown to have good intentions, mainly in "The Wedding Frame," when she helped prove that Doctor Dave was being set up. She's the kind of girl I would love to hang out with (along with Laetitia Bowers). I want to read Entertaining Penguins. Sounds like it would be a fun read.

All in all, Noelle is just awesome, and she never fails to bring a smile to my face whenever she pops up in an episode.

#4 - Lois Foutley

Ah, Lois Foutley! The greatest mother Nickelodeon had the pleasure of providing us with. Sarcastic, funny, and with a thick Bah-ston accent, what is there not to love about Lois?

It was easy to add Lois to the list of the top 5 greatest characters on As Told by Ginger because she is just like no other TV mother. She seems so real and so full of heart that I often wish she was my own mother. 

One of my favorite episodes with her is in "The Nurses' Strike," which is also one of my favorite episodes of the series. Lois shows the world that there's no shame in doing grunt work, and that anyone who is ashamed should just stop it, because a job is a job, and we are not defined by how we choose to make a living. Speaking off of that, Lois offers Ginger (and us) some of the best advice life has to offer us. She's been down the road of adulthood, and knows when to pick your battles and when to take action. And knowing that just might be one of the most important things we learn about life.

Although there are times when she is a bit unreasonable without explanation (like not letting Ginger try makeup or shave her legs), Lois is a wonderful mother to both Ginger and Carl. She's probably the reason why Carl turned out as good as he is. Had anyone else raised him, and he would have been another Harris hick kid, probably.

Not to mention, I love the little details that show Lois's age. Like her getting up off the floor and shouting about her back hurting, or hearing her yelling at Carl through Ginger's air vents--those little details really add a nice touch to Lois's character, and she's all the more Lois Foutley with each and every one of them.

#3 - Carl Foutley

Normally, I'm not a fan of spin-offs, but I would totally watch the hell out of Carl's spin-off if he had one. I would call it The Doghouse, and it would be all about Carl and Hoodsey's new adventures in their updated doghouse in the backyard of Carl's new fancy McMansion.

I love Carl, everyone. Carl is a cool kid. Carl is the kind of kid I wish I was (well, not completely) because he was just so creative and confident, and overall just a happy kid who wanted to have fun. He started off as the "annoying little brother," but once I really started noticing just how caring and deep he can be, Carl became one of my all-time favorite characters.

Remember in "Family Therapy" when Carl was finally faced with a fear? He tackled that fear until it was buried into the dirt. By proving to himself that naked mole rats were nothing to be afraid of, and with a little help from Hoodsey, Carl was able to discover another creature to love. Of course, his live for animals didn't always turn out great. Like when he tried to save the orca whales by flushing vegetables down the toilet--that was nothing more than a pipe dream. No pun intended.

Yes, sometimes Carl was a bit of an ass, especially to Blake, but what kid isn't annoying once in a while? The fact that Carl is a loving kid who wants to make Lois happy is heartwarming (I'm still shedding tears when he revealed that he just wanted to find a nice house for everyone despite his desire for a "house of horrors"). And in "A Lesson in Tightropes" when Carl was wrestling with his belief in "The Big Guy Upstairs" and his fears of Lois and Jonas getting back together, well, that's a lot for anyone to handle, especially considering Carl hadn't even started puberty yet. He still didn't understand all his feelings and so much was thrown at him.

Overall, Carl is one of the best characters this show has to offer. Put him in a scene with Lois, and you won't be disappointed.

#2 - Courtney Gripling

Courtney broke the rich girl stereotype in half. That alone is worthy of attention.

One thing I never mentioned is that Courtney is a bit like Dodie. Desperate to keep up her popularity status, has breakdowns when she isn't getting attention, and is willing to take others down to build herself back up. Except Courtney is naturally charismatic and cool, not because she's rich, but because she genuinely cares about people. Think back on how many times Courtney has tried to include Ginger in her circle of friends. I still wholeheartedly believe it's because she has some romantic feelings towards her, because why else would someone like Courtney take an interest in plain ole Ginger? Then again, she's not the only one. It must be that curly red hair.

Of course, Courtney has shown to be a bitch at times. Dumb, absent-minded, and just plain lacking in common sense are all things that would accurately describe her. Snobbish, even. But as she got older, she started appreciating the little things more, like helping to nurse lambs at the country fair. That was just freaking adorable. Courtney's excitement for middle-class lifestyles gives her an edge over every other popular girl who's ever graced children's TV, and that's admirable considering Courtney could have easily turned into someone as hateable as Miranda.

I was most impressed with Courtney in "Wicked Game" when she didn't hesitate to tell Ginger that Dodie and Macie were actively trying to sabotage her relationship with Darren. None of that "Uh, I have something to tell you. Oh, nevermind!" She comes right out and says it like a mature, honest person, someone who would make an excellent best friend. Sadly, I'm still bummed that Ginger and Courtney never became best friends, because the show could have been so much better if "Wicked Game" ended with a more logical resolution. Oh, well. There's always fan fiction.


Honorable Mentions:

Ginger Foutley

Our main character is, of course, going to be a favorite of mine. Although there are times I want to shake her by the shoulders, Ginger is a smart girl who knows what she wants out of life, and always sticks to her "I'd rather be nice than be popular" mantra. You know what? Maybe that's part of the reason why she and Courtney never became closer friends.

Macie Lightfoot

Some of the show's best one-liners come from Macie. She's underrated, but still not as great as she could be since she always remains neutral in every Ginger-Dodie dispute. However, I love her spirit and her boost of confidence in "Come Back Little Seal Girl." Macie had so much potential, and even though we only got to see it in small handfuls throughout the series, I still love her.


And the #1 best character is:







#1 - Joann Bishop

What can I say? Joann is truly a masterpiece of a character. It's quite surprising, even to me, that her daughter ended up as #1 on the Worst Character countdown list while Joann surpassed everyone as the best character.

The thing about Joann is that, with the exception of Lois, she seems like someone Emily Kapnek knew in real life, which is why her personality is so complex. And for that, I always enjoy watching her.

Joann is fun to poke and prod. Although it's never outright mentioned, I believe Joann is a deeply-religious Christian woman, miserable for never accomplishing what she wanted in life, and is projecting her miserable attitude on her husband and kids. It takes strong writing to actually make a typically unlikable character so likable, and I believe Emily Kapnek and everyone else who worked on this show did a terrific job to make Joann someone I want to know more about.

I also love how Joann is a magnet for the risque dialogue on this show, as someone as haughty and hush as her surely is getting the long end of the tongue-in-cheek jokes. I suppose that's what makes it funnier--you wouldn't expect that kind of stuff from Joann. Kind of like how you wouldn't expect a nun to pull an AK-47 out from under her robes or a Terminator-like character to have a weakness for fluffy kittens. Plus, unlike Dodie, Joann's nasty behavior is the result of her finally accepting that she was a horrible child and deserved to be unhappy from all the shit she caused in her youth, while Dodie has yet to realize that very same thing.





And that's it, folks. Those are my top 5 most hated and top 5 favorite characters. Tell me your most hated and favorite characters!