Season 3, Episode 55: "Dodie's Big Break"

Salutations, fans! I'm going to be away for the next two days, and won't be near my computer, so this review is being posted early. Consider this a gift from me to you. Oh, and please excuse my excessive foul language--an episode like this warrants this level of anger.


I cannot even begin to describe how much this episode leaves me with a bursting vein in the center of my forehead. It makes me want to take a brick and smash it through my screen. Hyperboles aside, I sincerely believe everyone who worked on the show knew just how much of a two-faced bitch Dodie is, so they decided to amp up her conniving, snake-like nature to unfathomable levels just to piss me off. Oh, yeah, it's personal. And you know what? Everything I just said is based off of my memory of this episode. When I do these reviews, I write as I watch, so I'm experiencing everything in real time. So once I get up to the infuriating bits, know that it's how I'm reacting right then and there (I feel like this should have been established from day one, but better late than never).

Ginger is finally well enough to return to school--though I think an extra day or two of recovery wouldn't have hurt. I really love this continuity. She meets up with Macie and they discuss briefly her health since the surgery. Not only is Ginger still raspy and weak, but the dark circles around her eyes are still there, even during the tail end of her recovery. I love seeing this kind of progress; I can't think of any other show that has this level of detail in its continuity.

So, Dodie shows up in a goofy gopher mascot suit. That's odd, considering the Lucky mascot is a goat. Whatever. Anyway, Dodie disregards the fact that her very sick best friend has just returned to school, and overshadows her with the news that she is now "the pep squad's pep squad." I keep waiting for Dodie to calm herself to ask Ginger how she's doing (obviously she's not 100%, but it's common courtesy). Nope. At this point, nobody should even bat an eyelash. Not even Ginger.

Hey, remember Buddy Baker, the real estate agent from two episodes ago? He's back, and is getting real cozy with Carl. Apparently, Carl is so interested in the real estate business that he's decided to seek out advice from Buddy and join his business for the day. There are two things I've noticed about this scene: 1) Buddy is voiced by the same guy who voices the pixies in The Fairly OddParents and 2) Look at Doctor Dave in the background trying to park in the Foutleys' driveway, but Buddy has it blocked with his car.

Naturally, Hoodsey isn't impressed by Buddy's big talk. I have to say, I agree with him for once--there's something off about this guy. I honestly don't remember what this guy's motivation is, but I for one think he should move his car to let Doctor Dave through. (On second thought, he can stall a bit longer; Doctor Dave looks really cute when he's angry. Don't judge me.)

Naturally, Hoods has to be eating something between his and Carl's exchanges. 

Carl is so committed to his new, boring hobby that he doesn't even want to go with Doctor Dave to the hospital to "Bring Your Son to Work" Day. I wish Carl would realize that he doesn't have to be the child version of Joann to be an adult. I miss his crazy antics.

Ginger walks into Evil New Zorski's class nine seconds late (yes, she actually counted) and chews Ginger out for it. Ginger explains that she just had a useless organ removed from her adolescent body and is struggling to walk, so you'd think Evil New Zorski would give her a break. Ha! She basically says she doesn't give a shit about Ginger's appendix being removed. At this point, Ginger should just walk out, cough on Evil New Zorski, and request a different English teacher. Nobody should put up with that level of cruelty. Honestly, someone should stick up for Ginger because she is not going to do it herself. Only because this crotchety old bag needs to learn some compassion.

But seriously, what kind of life did Evil New Zorski grow up in that life apparently wouldn't care about post-surgery weakness in people? Maybe things that are out of human control, like torrential downpours and icy sidewalks. Was she not loved enough by her family? Did they favor her cousin more? Is that part of the reason why she's like this? I smell a fan fiction!

Ginger's lack of support continues into lunch, where Miranda (hey everybody, the witch is back!) indirectly tells Ginger to stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for her. She then tells about how she got her tonsils out twice and she didn't make a fuss out of it. She gets shot down when Dodie matter-of-factly says that can't happen, but Miranda deflects that with a shoddy excuse that they grew back. Jeez, it seems like everyone has it out for Ginger, doesn't it? Perhaps, alternatively, this could be an interpretation for how we view mental health. Yes, Ginger's pain is real, but we cannot physically see it (like we can't see mental heath issues), much like how everyone cannot see how much pain Ginger is in after stomach surgery, so they're less sympathetic and less able to understand just how much pain she is in. Man, that's an abstract way of seeing it.

And just when things couldn't get any worse:

Nah, not really. It's surprisingly less awkward than you'd think. Probably because Simone manages to stay genuinely nonchalant the entire time. However, when Darren and his new arm candy walk away, Ginger shows her true colors about how pissed she is that Simone stole her man. And Dodie, instead of being a decent human being, inquires about Ginger coming to her first mascot cheering that night. This would have been the perfect opportunity for Ginger to slam Dodie's lunch tray into her chest, but instead, she kowtows to Dodie's unbelievable influential pull and agrees to go. Wow, you can practically feel the anger seeping from her pores.

Carl continues to bore Hoodsey about his new real estate hobby. He even tries to get the students to take his card during a massive food fight, but they're just as uninterested. My God, if this isn't the most boring B-plot I've ever seen... I mean, I love House Hunters and all those other HGTV shows as much as the next girl, but for a cartoon about a teen, her problems, and her conniving little brother, this is seriously dull, and I'm this close to skipping this whole skit over and just focusing on Ginger.

Where is the lunch dean in all this chaos?

Carl invites Hoodsey to come see him and Buddy in action trying to sell houses, but Hoodsey refuses, and says he's going to go with Doctor Dave to the "Take Your Son to Work" Day thing. Can he even do that? And when did Doctor Dave invite Hoodsey? Whatever. My point is, this new "grown up" Carl was already done in past episodes; why is he doing it again? Is Carl trying to prove something? I know he said he was going to change once he got to junior high, but he's changing from one extreme to the other. This isn't just boring to watch--Carl might actually need some therapy. I don't mean break out the $100/hr shrink therapy. I mean light "therapy"--Lois and Doctor Dave need to sit down and have a talk with him. Because this is just sad to watch.

After hearing about Hoodsey's plans to spend time with Doctor Dave, Carl actually looks like he just realized he gave up time with the father he desperately wanted in his life. If that's not sad, I don't know what is.

That afternoon before the game, Ginger continues talking shit about Simone, and then Dodie goes up to do her baby cheers. Everyone laughs at her like the pathetic loser she is. And then, the gods of Nickelodeon do me a solid by having the cheerleaders lose their balance and fall right on top of Dodie.

Boo-yah! Smash her into the ground! Make her swallow dirt! Or is the dirt those tiny black rubber particles all these fake turf fields have? Make her eat those, too!

After the commercial break, we learn that the accident was much more fatal than we thought, and so, Dodie has died.

Oh, how I hate that this was merely a set-up for what really happened to Dodie. She didn't die. The cheerleaders set up a candlelight vigil in honor of Dodie making it OFFICIALLY ON THE CHEER SQUAD since her "injury" renders her unable to be the mascot. What the fuck?! Oh, gods of Nickelodeon--what have you done?! Why have I angered you?

THIS SCENE DOES NOT DESERVE TO EXIST.

Okay, let's all take a deep breath and try to sort this out like the adults we are.

*Deep breath*

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! If Dodie isn't dead, why is there a wreath and candles under her picture? Was that put there just to make everyone think she died underneath the crushing pressure of a bunch of popular girls? And I thought freshmen weren't allowed on the squad! And why is Dodie in a wheelchair if she's supposedly fine? She has neither a cast nor pain! Somebody better tell me why Dodie is getting so much undeserved attention or else blood will be spilled.

At lunch, Dodie has all her dreams come true when the cheerleaders surround her like bodyguards. Ginger and Macie, for some reason, still want Dodie to eat lunch with them, so Ginger goes over to them, determined to pull Dodie out of her I-can't-believe-this-is-happening fantasy. Unfortunately for Ginger, she gets the runaround from the cheerleaders, and seeing as she's not going to break through to them at all, she gives up and sulks back to the loser table.

Doctor Dave shows Hoodsey an X-Ray of a Siamese twin growing inside someone's body. Freaky!

Buddy tries to get Carl to appreciate the art of "repackaging the truth" by showing a pair of potential homebuyers a dilapidated shack. Carl realizes very quickly that Buddy is a shit realtor only interested in making tons of money.

Ginger and Macie go over to Dodie's house to give her a get well soon basket (hopefully one filled with chocolates and giant Japanese hornets), but as the cliche goes, they catch her jumping around her living room, realizing that her injury was fake. Wait, I thought it was already established that she was "absolutely fine," according to Coach Candace! It was just Dodie in a wheelchair--no cast, no pain--were we supposed to believe that she broke both her legs or something? Because it sure didn't look like it. I thought the squad was going to trick the school into thinking she was hurt or something, but, ahhhh, this episode, man. This episode is crap! Pure Grade-A crap!

So, Dodie is caught, and what do you know? She continues to fake it, melodramatically wincing in reluctance and reaching out to Ginger and Macie in agony. If you listen closely, there's a violin playing in the background. I sincerely hope that's there for sarcastic purposes.

Pathetic little monkey.

Who does she think she's kidding? Then again, how goddamn stupid are Ginger and Macie to believe that Dodie was actually hurt when there was no evidence of an injury? Did any paramedics come to the field? We don't know, because the scene cut right as Ginger called out to that poor excuse for a child. Certainly if Dodie was that hurt, she'd be in a cast--two since she's in a wheelchair. And what's the point of making her part of the squad if she "can't" move, anyway? Ugh, did Klasky-Csupo fire their storyboard editor?

So, the tl;dr version of this: Dodie cheated her way onto the squad.

Macie is fooled, but Ginger isn't, and threatens to spill the truth to the pep squad if Dodie doesn't. Dodie spits back that no one will believe Ginger since "pep squad girls always stick together," so it's her word against Ginger's. Meanwhile, Macie continues to be Switzerland instead of thinking for herself and choosing a side. You know, this "lower the tension with an irrelevant object and nervous laughter" skit isn't funny anymore. It's fucking annoying. STOP.

Honestly, these three need to just split up for good. Forget Ginger and Macie vs. Dodie. Break them all off from each other.

Ginger and Macie watch Dodie from afar while trying to figure out a plan to blow Dodie's cover. Meanwhile, Dodie makes ugly moaning sounds and struggles to lift her arms to wave her pom-poms in the air, because apparently, having two "injured" legs renders you weak from the legs up. Hmm, they never taught that in anatomy class.

Ginger and Macie try to get Dodie to stand in the parking lot, but of course, some cheer squad members come by in their car, Dodie accuses her so-called friends of "taunting" her, and she's wheeled away like a princess. And yet Ginger and Macie say nothing. They just stand there and take Dodie's bold-faced, italicized lies. SAY SOMETHING! I don't care if the cheerleaders won't believe you--at least you would put the possibility of Dodie cheating them out of a perfectly good uniform in their heads. Why are you two silent?! What are you so afraid of?!?!

Honestly, what is it going to take for Ginger to cut ties with Dodie?! What?! I bet if Dodie came to the Foutley house, shot Lois, Carl, and Doctor Dave to death with a .45 caliber rifle, set all of Ginger's journals on fire, and pissed on the blackened ashes, Ginger would still smile and forgive Dodie after she falls to her knees, letting out a blubbering "I so saw-wee!"

Really, though. Ginger is supposed to be portrayed as a smart girl. Why is she so stupid letting Dodie hang around her like a fly to a dead horse? If anything, Dodie is the smartest out of the group for being able to manipulate and twist these girls' arms around for this long. And for that, I hate her more.

Macie does a shit job at disguising her voice when calling Dodie to Coach Candace's office over the intercom. How did the principal even allow her to do that, anyway? As Dodie zooms down the halls--excited because she probably thinks Coach is going to give her a special day in honor of her acceptance into the squad, Ginger and Macie slam the bathroom door in her face. MWAHAHAHA! Sorry there's no screencap or GIF to perfectly capture this moment. There's no way to see her actually getting smacked in the face with it.

Ginger and Macie yank Dodie out of her chair, and then Dodie starts to cry. She asks them why it's such a crime to want to be on the squad. Ginger says if she just practiced and waited another year like she was supposed to, she might have made it on for real--might have, mind you. And then Dodie starts crying that practice and diligence got her nowhere, so the best course of action was to lie her way up there. FUCK. YOU. BISHOP.

This is such a slap in the face to anyone who's ever worked hard to achieve their goals. Every musician, every artist, every dancer--how do you think I'm working towards being a professional writer? By practicing. Writing these posts every week for over a year. Working on my novels and trying to contact every literary agency in NYC for an internship. I'm slowly, but hopefully getting there, and that's because I'm working at it the proper way. It would be like someone who's only been writing for six months, who barely has down the basic rules of grammar and storytelling, landing a three-book deal with a literary agency and landing on various bestseller lists--all because she cheated her way there. I'd be furious if I found out that happened.

The message here is forced, but only because it needs to be in Dodie's case. Ginger encourages Dodie to fess up, and in doing so, Dodie is kicked off the squad for good. Not only her, but any and all of her future kids, too. Righteous! Coach Candace, you are truly awesome!

That's right, cry. CRY!

Carl is fired for scaring away that couple from that mess of a house. I really wanted to see how he did that. Instead, he is replaced by Buddy's nephew, Filbert, who then runs to the old tire swing in the house's backyard. Oh, wait until his parents hear Filbert's uncle Buddy let him play in an old house that's falling apart. Why do I get the feeling that these people are related to Buzz the plumber?

Okay, here's where my blood starts to boil once again--the cheer squad rightfully ignores Dodie as she attempts to apologize, and Ginger and Macie, who are watching from afar, start to think making Dodie admit she was faking her injury was the wrong thing to do. So now Ginger's going to go to Coach Candace's office to try to get Dodie back on the squad. What the hell kind of logical black hole did I enter here?!

And then Ginger tries to convince Coach Candace to let her back on, but she's not budging because it wouldn't be fair to the other girls who tried and failed to get on. And eventually, we learn that Coach was exactly like Dodie when she was a kid--wanting to be a pep squad member too much. 

So, basically, Coach says that no one should want something too much (be obsessed with it), which is why she's not letting Dodie try out for the team, but Ginger reminds her that the reason she didn't let Dodie try out was because she faked her broken legs, not because she was obsessed with pep. In other words, she told Dodie one thing and Ginger another--caught in her own web of lies. If anything, I think Coach Candace is trying to give any and all reasons to exclude Dodie from the team. Although normally people should not do that, it's totally justified here. But it doesn't matter. With enough lawyer talk, Ginger manages to convince Coach to let Dodie tryout for the squad.

My god, Ginger! What. A. Fucking. Hypocrite! Here's the rundown of this catastrophe of a plot:

"Dodie," Ginger says, "You have to work hard to make it onto the squad. You can't cheat your way in."
"But I want it soooooo bad!" says Dodie.
"Well too bad," says Ginger.
"Hi, squad! I'm sorry," says Dodie.
"Screw off, liar," says the squad.
"I feel sorry for Dodie," says Ginger. "Coach, let her back on. She wants it soooooo much!"
"No," says Coach.
"You lied too, you know," says Ginger.
"I guess I did," says Coach.

Such a travesty that this pile of shit follows such a beautifully written episode with depth, originality, and realistic drama. From Carl wrestling with his beliefs of God and his fears of Jonas and Lois falling back in love to Ginger feeling sorry for Dodie after she cheated her way onto pep and got penalized for it. I'm so tempted just to abandon this episode right here because this is just an unacceptable excuse for children's entertainment. But I know that would upset you guys, so I'm going to bite the pillow and keep on marching like the trooper I am.

Carl and Hoodsey decide to work together at the hospital with Doctor Dave, because Carl is the only one who seems to realize he made a mistake and actually admits he was wrong. Unlike some blonde bimbo we know...

Dodie hears that Coach Candace is letting her tryout, and she runs and squeezes Ginger in thanks. Yeah, she actually forgot about Ginger's appendix.. or rather lack of one. She ends up pulling a muscle while doing her stupid flips, but Coach allows her back on the squad anyway--as the mascot again--and promises to let her tryout the next year. NOOO! Coach! Why? WHY?!

What the hell? What the blood-soaked, fire-fueled hell?!

I can't, you guys. I can't. What kinds of moral is this supposed to teach kids? That it's okay to be obsessed with something to the point where you snake your way to the top, but because you want it so much, you're automatically excused from being penalized for breaking policy?! I guess the CEO of Enron would be happy to hear that what he did was A-OK  (look up the documentary--it's crazy!). And now I can picture hundreds of little girls faking an injury just to land a spot on their coveted squad. Not that it would work in real life, but I know they'll try it. Gods of Nickelodeon, I shall avenge you.

The episode ends with Orion grabbing a seat next to Ginger as she watches her ex-boyfriend tear ass on the field with the guys he used to mock.

So, I guess Ginger and Orion are coming up on the cusp of dating. Whatever--I honestly don't care who this girl associates with anymore. I'm sick of her keeping dead weight on a sinking airplane.

But seriously, this episode should have never existed. There were some shitty episodes of this show, but this one, without a doubt, takes the cake as the absolute worst of them all. I'm just so glad that we're 3 episodes away from the finale so I won't have to put up with this garbage friendship anymore.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: it's totally okay to fake an injury as an attempt to make it onto your dream squad because even if you get caught, wanting it badly enough will excuse you and your potential children from being banned from it; Carl needs to stop being intrigued by everyone in a nice suit; FUCK. DODIE. BISHOP. And you know what--fuck Ginger and Macie too for having the gall to remain friends with her--I'm done. See you all next week.