Season 3, Episode 46: "About Face"

Yay, another Joann-focused episode! I've been waiting for this episode for you don't even know how long. Granted, I just started this review Sunday afternoon, but hey, I posted it on time, Sunday night--New York time, that is.


Dodie walks into the kitchen and overhears her nightmare coming true--Joann Bishop was just hired to teach home economics at Lucky Junior High.

I totally get how Dodie feels--Joann is so not fit to be around children.

This is another trope in children's shows I particularly like, mainly because--depending on the parent's personality--there can be a rainbow of options of how this plot would play out. One that particularly comes to mind is on that one episode of Sister Sister, "Cafeteria Lady," when Lisa became the lunch lady at Tia and Tamera's school. Now, Lisa is inherently awesome, and her being at high school made her a hit with the kids, except Tia. The point is, having a parent within 100 feet of your school is bound to be embarrassing for many kids. But in Dodie's case, she's embarrassing enough.

Heck, even Dodie says Joann isn't fit to be around kids. Now that she's acknowledged that, I can safely have some sympathy for Joann. That's right--how awful must her luck be that a child-hating woman like her can only find work that involves molding the minds of hundreds of children? And Dodie?

Dodie's biggest worry is that Joann's crabbiness will be showcased in public daylight, permanently knocking Dodie's position down on the social ladder from a nobody to a nobody with Joann for a mother. Jeez, now it's getting kind of hard to not sympathize with Dodie. I would hope she could redeem herself as a decent member of society in high school--maybe this is just the kind of one-shot motivation she needs.

Carl and Doctor Dave go jewelry shopping for a big ole rock for Lois. Yup--Doctor Dave is planning on proposing to Lois. How sweet! Hey, this is the first instance of Carl without Hoodsey attached to him! At least, I think it is.

Meanwhile, Blake paces back and forth mumbling something about Carl while ogling an undeveloped photo of Carl posing like a cheeky teenage girl. That's it--Blake has the hots for Carl. There, I said it.

Come on, I know we were all thinking this throughout the series. Even if it's not explicitly stated, both of the Gripling kids seemed to have an infatuation for the Foutley kids for the past 45 episodes. Courtney was (and still is) gay for Ginger, and Blake is totally gay for Carl. Seriously, if Blake truly does hate Carl like he keeps saying he does, he wouldn't have photos of him everywhere in an exposure room while staring at those pictures and muttering his name over and over again. This is so not about getting revenge.

Doctor Dave practices his proposal on Carl. Naturally, the ring gets stuck on Carl's finger. After Doctor Dave puts down a truckload of cash for the ring, they drive home, and Doctor Dave confesses that his mother and Lois have to meet, and he's pessimistic of how that's going to go down. Oh, the monster-in-law! Is it really that prevalent in real life? It seems like every TV show I encounter, the mother-in-law despises her son's lady of choice. *Cough*Everybody Loves Raymond*Cough*

So, Dodie is about to leave for school with Joann and WHAT IS SHE WEARING?!

Okay, this is a classic case of Joann trying to relive her youth as "Josie." The woman is 40 years old--just like that hairstyle. Not only that, but Joann is supposed to be going back as a teacher, not a student. The administration would (and should) not allow Joann to come to work dressed like that. I'm curious as to where she got those clothes--are they Dodie's? Are they hers from the 80s? Or did she raid a thrift store in the middle of the night? Actually, I don't think I want to know.

Joann plans to hang with cool cats Courtney and Miranda, much to Dodie's horror. If they don't want Dodie breathing the same air as them, what makes Joann think they'll want her near them?

Carl shows off the ring to everyone in school. Even Blake is impressed with Carl's choice of ring for Noelle, but becomes very suspicious when Carl mentions it's not for Noelle. You caught him, Gripling, it's actually for Polly. Carl just can't stop thinking about how sweet those macadamia nuts mixed with Polly's sweet, sweet saliva tasted in his mouth. No, I'm not going to let that go.

Does Blake usually carry that magnifying lens wherever he goes?

Through the vents, Ginger and Macie hear "a middle-aged goat being slaughtered and tortured." except it turns out to be Joann's "laughing." Like mother, like daughter. Dodie's summoning of epileptic gypsies may have been scary, but Joann's sounds are what you would hear on a midnight tour of an abandoned mental asylum.

The other girls all look like they regret making Joann express an emotion much joyous.

Maybe this is why Joann is such a neurotic bitch all the time--her happiness terrifies children.

Of course, Dodie mistakes Joann's desperation to fit in with a bunch of 13-year-olds as her actually fitting in with said 13-year-olds. She speculates that Joann must have been a total Courtney at her age. Anything to justify that Dodie deserves popularity, I guess. Of course, Ginger, Darren, and Macie are the only ones who see that Joann is just as much of a loser as Dodie is. But maybe not as much--Courtney and the gang at least allow Joann to sit with them.

But seriously, though. Joann shouldn't even be allowed to sit in the same cafeteria as the students. She should be scarfing down whole wheat sandwiches in the teachers' lounge. Where's Milty when you need--ah, who am I kidding? Milty is useless.

Blake sneaks over to Noelle's school and shows her a picture of Carl and Polly dressed up as birds, enraging Noelle, just as Blake planned it. I'm actually glad he used a more child-appropriate picture. If he used that macadamia nut picture instead, Noelle would probably rip Carl's lips off with her telekinesis. Blake even mentions the engagement ring and how it's specifically not for Noelle--and Noelle becomes seriously hurt, despite the fact that she doesn't think getting married at 10 is icky. Blake, you're a dick.

So, Doctor Dave asks Lois if it's okay if he invites his mother over for dinner. Lois is like, "Yeah, definitely."

"She competes for blood supply and in doing so, sucks the life out of her host." - Doctor Dave
"Who does? Your mother?" - Lois
"Eh-heh. No, silly. The, uh, the fibroid in room 213." - Doctor Dave
"Oh, heh-heh. Thank goodness. You scared me there for a minute." - Lois

I'm guessing that's an indirect warning to hide all the sharp objects in the house very well. So Doctor Dave's mother won't accidentally hurt herself, of course!

Speaking of the blood-sucker...

Dodie chases after Joann so she can be driven home from school, but Joann has other plans, like watching Miranda suck at the clarinet and helping Mipsy deep-condition her hair. Yeeeeah, I'm pretty sure no parent would allow their daughter to have their hair deep-conditioned by some 40-year-old woman dressed like a teenager unless they were in a licensed salon. How is Dodie supposed to get home, now? Is she supposed to walk? How irresponsible of Joann to just leave her daughter at school like that. Dodie gets so pissed that her reaction is surprisingly subtle. If Joann keeps this up, how long is it going to take before Joann invites herself over to Ian Richton's house for a "study" session? Hmm, what would Mr. Bishop would have to say about this?

In Ginger's journal, she writes about "Josie" and how she's totally ignoring her parental duties, and that she's--no joke--

"a backstabbing, social-climbing, popularity-obsessed wannabe." 

Oh. OHHHH! If that's how Ginger describes "Josie," how does she describe Dodie? Because there is no description that even the best writer to ever grace the Earth could string together that could plainly describe Dodie better than that. Is Ginger in complete denial? I really should stop asking that because it's obvious Ginger is like Helen Keller when it comes to the truth about Dodie. But what I don't understand is why the writers make Ginger so oblivious. I have my theories, but I really want to ask Emily Kapnek, and anyone else involved in the storyboarding.

And for Ginger to worry that Dodie could end up like "Josie," instead of realizing that she almost is Josie, well, there's no hope for Ginger ever breaking off this so-called friendship.

While Hoodsey and Mr. Bishop make dinner, Mr. Bishop straight-up tells Hoodsey not to tell Joann that they enjoyed making dinner because, "You know how she feels about fun." Ha! I nearly bust an artery laughing. Dodie comes in and starts complaining about how Joann is getting a shitload of attention from the popular girls and asks her father if she was always like that. This prompts Mr. Bishop to get out his old middle school yearbook from under various Playboy magazines and old tax forms and show Dodie the real Josie--Josie McDonald, "Miss Popularity", and Joann,"Missed Popularity." I like that "Missed Popularity" was even a category. No wonder Joann has such shoddy self-esteem.

"She looks just like you, Dodie." - Hoodsey

I can understand why Dodie is the way she is. I mean, I figured Dodie's social stunting was all due to Joann, and I also figured that Joann wasn't exactly "popular" herself, but knowing that Joann was just like Dodie is both relieving and horrific. Relieving because we now have a source of Dodie's behavior. Horrific for obvious reasons.

But now I wonder why Joann was that way. Was her mother also obsessed with popularity? Was there a family line of desperate wannabes sucking at the teat of popularity since the stone age?

Mr. Bishop tells Dodie about how Joann would backstab all her friends and grovel at the feet of those worthy of positive attention, much to Dodie's disappointment. Gee, I wonder why Mr. Bishop married her. And I wonder if he had a friend like Carl at his age. Anyway, he gives his kids some very practical advice--in order to avoid Joann's lunacy (yes, he actually said "lunacy"), "If you don't learn to accept yourself now, you many never learn to accept yourself at all." Take very detailed notes, Dodie.

The popular girls arrive at Ginger's house to discuss "Josie" and how she's like a stray hair constantly tickling your arm making you think it's a spider. Ginger tells them that they need to tell Dodie, not her. Meanwhile, Noelle stakes out the Foutley house and tapes the incriminating picture of Carl and Polly on her forehead.

Mrs. Dave has done nothing but sputter out insults since arriving to the Foutley house, and it's making Lois very irritated. Say something, Doctor Dave! Just because she's your mother, it doesn't mean you have to stay quiet. Honestly, I really don't understand how Mrs. Dave can be so comfortable bitching at people she doesn't even know. Like, why is she so rude?

"Keep it up with the insults and I'll dip you into the deep fryer."

The girls all go to Dodie's house. Instead of confronting "Josie" like they should be, they decide to run their message through to Dodie. I don't get it--if the popular girls tell "Josie" that she's not cool, Joann will believe them. Why would she believe Dodie, especially since she blew her off at school? Whatever. To get Dodie's attention, Courtney tosses a pebble at Dodie's bedroom window, but it bounces off and hits Mipsy right in the eye. Hahaha! And it starts to bleed! BAHAHAHA! Finally, someone I hate gets revenge! I love how none of her friends seem to care that she's hurt, either.

I can watch this GIF for hours and still have the same satisfaction every single loop. Now, let's see if I can find one to hit Dodie with purposely. The best part is that Courtney finds throwing pebbles at windows so much fun, she throws another one. And it hits Mipsy again! Oh, happy day! You honestly have no idea how happy this makes me. I've been waiting for something like this to happen (mostly to Dodie), so I'll take what I can get.

Dodie goes over to her window to see what all the commotion is about, and spots the popular girls all standing outside her window. Dodie practically has a heart attack, but then pulls back the reigns remembering what Mr. Bishop had told her earlier. That's surprising. When Dodie comes down, Courtney tells her that Joann is cramping their style, and Dodie's like, "Yeah, I know." Then, the girls leave, and Dodie tells Ginger that she's glad she stood up to the popular girls. Say what? How exactly did you "stand up" to them? They just told you to tell your mother to stop hanging out with them. What did you accomplish? Not having a giant popularity-induced orgasm right in front of them?

So, Dodie confronts Joann, who surprisingly takes Dodie's criticism well. So, no more "Josie." I...I guess that's a step-up for Dodie. Woo-hoo?

When Ginger goes back home for dinner, she reiterates the past five minutes, minus Mipsy taking a pebble to the eye. The biscuits in the oven burn and blacken, causing Lois to open the door to air out the kitchen. You know, the house doesn't have to be full of black smoke for food to start burning in the oven. Anyway, Noelle uses this opportunity to roll into the kitchen with her awesome moves.

Noelle ruins Doctor Dave's surprise engagement by pulling off Carl's glove, exposing the engagement ring he was going to give to Lois. Doctor Dave stands up and says that he was the one who bought the ring, but for a moment, Lois takes it as Doctor Dave buying an engagement ring for Carl, which is really sick if you think about it too long. But then, he confesses it's for Lois, and proposes to her on the spot.

But we don't get to hear Lois's answer because the scene cuts off to allow for a cliffhanger ending. And the episode ends--but not without a special credit roll. Doctor Dave and Lois sing a duet of what I can only assume is an original song called "Diamonds Are Expensive" while their silhouettes dance in the background. The song could be an homage to James Bond's "Diamonds Are Forever," sung by Shirley Bassey. I think this is a nice touch, and an original way to end the episode. Not only that, Doctor Dave's got a hell of a voice! Listen to that smooth, manly voice. Mmm.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: Dodie will never be cool, as she even said so; if you're in your 40s and have children, don't dress and act like your children; Blake has a knack for making anybody surge into a jealous rage.