Season 3, Episode 44, "Wicked Game"

All right, here we go. I'm just going to leap right into this train wreck of an episode.

Dodie has a dream that the radio announces Ginger's return from Avalanche Arts. And what do you know? She wakes up, and the day is actually here.

While Dodie and Macie plan out their welcome home hug, Mipsy and Miranda plan out their sarcastic welcome home jeer. Don't those bitches have a fat girl to trip down the stairs or something? It's bad enough Dodie is going to spread her cooties all over Ginger again, but Mipsy and Miranda aren't even just spiteful and pathetic anymore. They're fucking annoying as hell. 

It turns out, nobody gets to do any cheering or jeering because Ginger is too busy walking with her new boyfriend, Darren, to notice. It's about time Ginger started ignoring them. It's what she should have done a long time ago. Oh, well. I'll take what I can get.

It's too bad she reverted back to her old 'do. I liked that blue streak.

In the auditorium, Ginger (and Darren) meet up with Dodie and Macie. They awkwardly hug and say hello, because Ginger has herself some permanent arm candy now. Hmm, I don't know what it is about this episode. It seems a bit off. I know that it's an awful episode, but it's a different kind of off. Like, the mood is different. As Ginger is called up on stage, Miranda and Mipsy continue to call out to Ginger, but she still ignores them. Yes! But honestly, why are these bitches so obsessed with getting Ginger's attention? So she can get a dirty look from them? A sarcastic hello? Oooh, so intimidating! There really needs to be an episode where they get hit by a car and get amnesia, and then turn into decent people. Or, alternatively, they can just get hit by a car. Either would work nicely.

Noelle has a solitaire showdown (or whatever that game is) with Polly Schuster, an annoying fuck who constantly makes bird noises, kind of like Ms. Fowl from Jimmy Neutron, only Polly is more irritating. I remember Polly very clearly--she's in future episodes, and I'm so not looking forward to her scenes. She's like the female version of Higsby, except angry all the time instead of peppy. 

Anyway, Noelle loses. 

She's already wagered a shoe, her belt, and now her glasses. And then she takes on Polly again and wagers Carl, of all things. And then she loses. What the hell?! How could you wager your own boyfriend? Especially considering you suck at cards?

Okay, so Carl is now apparently property of Polly, and she's planning on dressing him up like a bird to play "Pirate World." 

? ! ? ? ! ? 

This is the strangest sub-plot I've ever seen. I suppose there's a first time for everything, so when I say this, I say this out of confidence that the writers were just having an off day: PLEASE let's just go back to Ginger's plot.

Okay, so Ginger goes up on stage and talks about her time at Avalanche Arts, which is kind of unnecessary if you ask me. I mean, I understand Avalanche Arts was a big deal and all, and no doubt Ginger has some contacts and nice stuff to put on her resume, but does Ginger's experiences there really warrant a big, hour-long assembly? And why is Darren up on stage with her?

Miranda and Mipsy continue to grow jealous over Ginger ignoring their bitchy asses for once, but the more Ginger ignores them, the more annoying they become. "Did you see that?" Yes, Miranda, she called on someone else. Get over yourself. By the way, where's Courtney? And why aren't you snuggling up next to her like you wanted?

So, Miranda and Mipsy form a plan to get Ginger to notice them just enough so that they can continue talking shit to her, and they decide to enroll Dodie and Macie into their plan. Now, now, haven't you two learned from experience that trying to mess with Ginger's life only makes her stronger? Of course not. You weren't even talented enough to get into Avalanche Arts.

After the commercial break, Courtney leaps up onto the stage at lunch and talks more about Ginger and Avalanche Arts. Holy hell, enough with this already. Even Ginger is starting to get sick of all this praise. She didn't find the cure to cancer, people; she just went to a fancy school for a semester. Anyway, Dodie and Macie are relieved to finally get a few seconds alone with Ginger so they can talk to her about the last few months, but Dodie doesn't even get a second in edge-wise before Darren shows up, "ruining" their girl time.

The face of 100% raw, organic jealousy.

All right, for the second time in the series ever, I kind of sympathize with Dodie here. I understand she just wants to be alone with Ginger and Macie and just revert back to old times. I also understand how frustrating it must be to now be the third wheel in this friendship. It's uncomfortable. It's irritating. It's like having a piece of seaweed constantly getting wedged between your toes at the beach after kicking it off for the umpteenth time. She doesn't hate Darren; she just hates having to share Ginger's attention. But what bothers me is that Ginger isn't necessarily doing anything wrong, either. It's her first relationship--she's bound to be unfairly balancing time between Darren and her friends. She really should fix that. Dodie is overreacting, though. Not that it's any surprise.

Ginger clearly notices Dodie's oncoming rage, so she promises that the three of them--and only them--will talk after school. No Darren allowed. So, Dodie's like, "Fine, okay," leading to a very awkward lunch period. I find it kind of fucked up that Darren just sits there. He knows that Dodie doesn't want him there at the moment, so why doesn't he offer to leave to let them have their time together? Now, I don't want you to think that I'm siding with Dodie, but it would have been courteous for Darren to offer to give the girls some alone time. It's just common courtesy. Or, why didn't Ginger just ask Darren to leave? Just because they're dating now, it doesn't mean they have to hound each other like horny dogs every free period they have. They're only in eighth grade, for Pete's sake.

Carl asks for Hoodsey's advice on how to deal with Polly Schuster. Hoodsey suggests breaking up with Noelle so that he won't be Polly's property anymore, though Carl doesn't think it'll work. I don't think it'll work. Who knows what this cuckoo Polly chick is capable of? Or, better yet, who knows what Blake Gripling is capable of?

Dodie seems to be in a better mood now that Darren is away jacking off to a photo of Ginger in his room. But, right as they start the conversation, Darren pops in! Surprise, surprise. He promises he'll be gone once he gets their advice on what gooey, mushy phrase he wants to write on his high tops for his "undying love for Ginger." Ick.

Was this really necessary, Darren? I mean, the idea itself is totally puke-worthy ("Undying love?" Preteens!), but you couldn't have waited until after they left to do this? Dodie gets more pissed off to the point where she flat-out insults Darren, but Ginger snubs her to gently scrape Darren off her window so she can get back to their girl talk. But their goodbyes turns into that irritating couples' phone call cliche (you know, "You hang up first. No, you hang up first") except they're like "You say goodbye first." "No, you". So, Dodie leaves in a huff. I really hate sympathizing with Dodie. Honest to Little Seal Girl, I do. Maybe it's just because I don't really like Darren anymore, either, and he knows that he wasn't supposed to be here. It's just disrespectful. But she didn't have to storm out like a baby.

Dodie stomps all the way home, muttering something about how Darren is totally encroaching on her "friendship" and "territory." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the phone. You don't own Ginger, Dodie. I mean, yeah, Darren is disrespecting your alone time with Ginger, but you're not the only one who is entitled to Ginger's attention. You're starting to become just like Miranda. I guess that's why it's easy for you to be pulled into Miranda and Mipsy's plan to break Ginger and Darren up when you spot the beasts literally on your doorstep.

As long as you're doing it to salvage your crooked friendship, it's totally okay to ruin your best friend's first relationship.

I don't understand why Dodie and Miranda aren't friends by now. They both have the same personality. In that case, why were Ginger and Miranda never friends?

The next day at school, Dodie, Miranda, and Mipsy try to brainwash Macie into joining their brigade to mess up Ginger's life. Damn, why do I feel like I'm watching Mean Girls? Macie is naturally hesitant, but Mipsy convinces her otherwise. Meanwhile, Courtney overhears the whole thing from the other side of the bathroom door. The girls try to convince her that they're just bullshitting around, but even Courtney isn't that stupid. She knows Miranda and Mipsy wouldn't be caught dead talking to those so-called losers, so she carefully listens in to their plan, and she doesn't like what she's hearing. But she does it anyway.

Blake is onto Carl and his plans to be one with the birds with cuckoo Polly, and he makes this knowledge very clear. Savage!

You know, I just noticed that Blake is Nickelodeon's Draco Malfoy.

Miranda gives Darren an uncomfortable boner when she tries to seduce him in the hallway. She even calls him her schmoo-baca. Where is she coming up with these goofy nicknames? In the cafeteria, Dodie and Macie wait for Darren to come close so that they can loudly talk about how Ginger and Fred were totally boning at Avalanche Arts. Unsurprisingly, it makes Darren jealous. When Ginger comes back to the table, he tells her what Miranda is doing to him, but Ginger just tells him not to pay attention to her because Miranda is slime. But for some reason, Darren takes this logic as Ginger believing that no one else could possibly find Darren attractive. So, Darren gets upset, tells Ginger that her and Fred's relationship was probably the bee's knees, and storms out of the cafeteria.

The next part of Janis Ian's--I mean Mipsy and Miranda's--plan is for Dodie to call Fred pretending to be Ginger, asking him to call her when he gets the chance. Macie is especially uncomfortable stabbing Ginger in the back, but Miranda assures her the feeling will wear off after she does it a hundred or so times. Oh, my God. This girl, man. I really feel like I shouldn't be surprised by anything Miranda says, but then she comes back around and utters something to make me hate her more. She legitimately enjoys hurting people. And yet she wants to cuddle up to Courtney? Doesn't seem like she's all that interested anymore. All that time when Courtney was by herself, Miranda could have licked her shoes right then and there. I think being closer to Courtney was just an excuse Miranda came up with so that she'd have an explainable reason to stoop so low. Not that it's justified, of course.

So, Dodie reluctantly calls Fred and leaves him a message to call back in a surprisingly convincing Ginger voice. Like, that was pretty spot on. And the slight pause at "This is Ginger... Foutley," that was fantastic on Dodie's voice actor's part. It really captured Dodie's discomfort. A+ for voice acting, Aspen Vincent.

Luckily, Courtney overhears the whole thing and runs off to warn Ginger.

I think I'll just leave this screenshot here with no context:

I suspect this is where the concept for Angry Birds came from.

Okay, okay. Polly is about to lay an egg because she's so pissed off. She runs down the hallway looking for Carl while Noelle chases her down, possibly so she won't peck out his eyeballs.

Courtney invites Ginger for some low-fat coffee in the Gripling limo to ease her into the gut-wrenching news about her best friends plotting to ruin her. Ginger is skeptical, but Courtney comes straight out with the truth, like the good friend she is. See, this is why I love Courtney. Unlike every other Goddamn show, the one friend who knows something another character doesn't always beats around the bush in fear of speaking the truth. It's my second-most hated teen show cliche. I seriously freaking hate it when someone does that.

Luckily, Courtney doesn't hesitate for the sake of drama to hold back on spilling the truth to Ginger. In fact, Courtney telling Ginger straight-up what's going on is actually more dramatic, because it allows us to see Ginger's reaction to the sudden smack of news, not to mention it solidifies in stone that Courtney is the most humane and decent character on this show.

"Why would my best friends want to ruin something that makes me really happy?" - Ginger
"Why do they make children's aspirin so very difficult for the small children to open?" - Courtney

Ginger just doesn't want to believe that she's being duped, so Courtney tells Ginger to wait by her phone tonight at 8 to prove it. Because then, Ginger will be able to catch Miranda, Mipsy, Dodie, and Macie in the act when Courtney does a three-way call. Still, Ginger is skeptical, but she takes her drink and heads up to her room so she can listen for the phone.

Polly pulls on some handmade bird costumes on herself and Carl, and they venture out into "Parrot World," which is really just Polly's shitty backyard her parents apparently never take care of. Carl is having trouble with his suspension of disbelief, probably because he doesn't know what playing pretend is. Polly tells Carl to try to visualize Parrot World, and after some time, one by one, each dirty object changes into a piece of a beautiful tropical rainforest.

Carl and Polly fly off into Parrot World, ca-cawing and flapping their cardboard wings. Meanwhile, Blake snaps pictures of the whole thing from a telephone pole. Seriously, Blake. Go play in your piles of money. Why are you so obsessed with Carl? *Gasp.* You don't think... could he really? No...

And eww, what the fuck are they doing?!

Ugh, that is disturbing on an uncomfortable amount of levels.

Darren and Ginger both catch Ginger's answering machine as Fred calls Ginger back after "she" left him a message. Darren is like, "Girl, you got some explaining to do," and then Ginger realizes that Courtney was right all along. Darren climbs in to Ginger's room right as she collapses into his chest about to cry.

Meanwhile, Noelle waits for Carl in the doghouse to make sure Carl didn't have any fun with Polly. He claims he hasn't, but from the photos Blake secretly took, like the one where Polly was spitting chewed up macadamia nuts into Carl's mouth while all tied up (ugh--I'm never going to get that image out of my head now), he definitely has. Noelle is suspicious, right up until he gives her her glasses back. Admit it, Carl. You totally want more of Polly's spit in your mouth.

At 7:45 that night, Courtney calls Ginger to secretly patch her through to the three-way call with the "witches." Once Courtney gets a hold of Miranda, she tells her that she wants in on the plan to split Ginger and Darren up to get Dodie and Macie to come in on the call and confess.

Ginger and Darren listen intently as Dodie gushes over how well she voiced Ginger in her call to Fred, and Macie chirps up that Dodie sounded just like Ginger. Ginger can't bear her heart tearing anymore, so she unmutes the phone and thanks Courtney for helping her reveal the truth. Then she hangs up. Cue the reactions to Ginger finding out about the plan:

Darren tries to comfort Ginger, but it's no use. He holds her close and allows her to cry into his chest as she soaks in the realization that has flown straight over her head for so many years. Dodie and Macie are shitty, jealous "friends." Well, actually, Dodie is the shitty, jealous "friend." Macie cannot think for herself. But you know, she want along with it too, so that makes her a shitty friend as well. It has finally happened. Ginger finally knows the truth.

So, what's next? Will Noelle find out that Carl did "have fun" playing birds with Polly? I swear, this whole B-plot sounds like one big euphemism for Carl cheating on Noelle by sleeping with Polly. And will Ginger's friendship with Dodie and Macie finally be severed once and for all? Dodie leaves Ginger a message on her answering machine begging for her forgiveness, so, who knows what'll happen.

I wish I could say I'm furious with Dodie and Macie for what they tried to do, it's actually more refreshing. For Dodie to stab Ginger in the back like this shows just how far she's willing to go to have Ginger all to herself. It's much better in terms of showing Dodie's true rotten persona, as most other episodes try so hard to mask Dodie's evil with her "devotion" to their friendship. Now, Dodie has no excuse. She ruined it. Anyone who has ever still believed Dodie is still a good person deep down has instantly changed their opinion tonight. Or rather, they should, because this kind of betrayal cannot be fixed with a simple "I'm saw-wee. I guess I was just jealous. Hugs?"

This goes beyond jealousy. This is manipulation. It's one thing for Dodie to be jealous that Darren was "stealing" Ginger away. Okay, I get it. But there is no excuse for trying to break them up just so she could spend more time with Ginger. No. Just no.


Lessons Learned From This Episode: Anyone who tries to sabotage your relationship for selfish purposes needs to be cut from your life immediately.