Season 2, Episode 39: "Driven to Extremes"

Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there! And Happy New Review Day!


Ms. Zorski is out with some exotic flu for a while, which apparently gives the students the O-K to run around the room like chickens with their heads cut off. Chet joins in the revelries of substitutes past, mocking one sub who had let the kids run loose during a fire drill, and his voice is... different. This is the first time I've heard Chet without his signature monotonous drawl. Ehh, I'm not comfortable with this...

Suddenly, some old hag barges into the room--the substitute--and she looks ready to rip off someone's eyebrows.

She's obviously been subbing for a long time, because she's totally onto these kids and their undisciplined behavior. Everyone simultaneously shits their pants when the sub demands that they push their desks to the wall so they can "minimize distractions."

I don't know about you, but I know that I'd be highly distracted by the thought of this sub possibly hiding a shotgun under her dress.

At recess, Carl complains about how bored he is, and that state of mind is instantly nullified by Higsby trying to stuff his poor monkey into another embarrassing costume for public exploitation and entertainment. Carl overhears that Higsby is trying to enter Mr. Licorice into a "best pet" talent show, and I guess Carl must be pretty damn desperate because he goes over to inquire about this. Higsby also mentions that there's a $500 prize, instantly sealing Carl's interest. Jeez, what happened to all that money you made last episode, Carl? Don't be so greedy. Anyway, Higsby wonders why Mr. Licorice refuses to practice Higsby's lame costume and dance act, to which Hoodsey replies that it's fucking embarrassing, that's why.

Carl makes Higsby a deal--he will give Mr. Licorice a new act to perform, in exchange for the prize money. At first, Higsby's like, "That's extortion, Carl." Uh, no. Extortion would be if Carl held a machete in front of your face and demanded the prize money. Carl uses his magical manipulation skills to convince Higsby to give him the gig, and Higsby agrees.

All right, this old hag has gone off the deep end, and we're not even five minutes into the episode. The principal needs to come in and see this shit because it's unbelievable. She has them sitting facing the wall in the dark spitting out these anal-clenching rules only Ms. Trunchbull from Matilda would approve of. No talking, no laughing, no smiling, no breathing... well, she stops herself there because even she knows that would basically kill them. Chet clears his throat and is immediately slammed with a 500-word essay on Czechoslovakian poetry. Seriously? Who honestly does this? It's as if she hates kids altogether. Though it's kind of funny when she tells them "No exchanging distressed looks with your fellow students!" It's that line where it's painfully obvious that she's just doing this for shits and giggles. Sociopath? Sadist? Off her meds? The world may never know!

Apparently, Carl's idea to eradicate Higsby's lame costume and dance sequence is to create an equally-humiliating costume and dance sequence. But oh, this is different. Mr. Licorice is doing the Can-Can in Ginger's skirt. So original and so unlike Higsby's idea in every way, shape, and form.

Carl is really beginning to lose his edge. He's been hanging around Higsby too much.

Carl challenges Ginger's suggestion for Mr. Licorice to do something less lame, so he takes the boys and the monkey up to his room to form a new plan.

Chet runs into the room with a full-on heart attack because he arrived to class on-time instead of early like everyone else was ordered to. The class starts talking to each other about how the sub (whose name is revealed to be Mrs. Grimley) is totally ruining their lives. Macie pulls down her collar and shows everyone the hives she broke out in from Mrs. Grimley's panic-attack inducing verbal abuse. Everyone is grossed out, except for one kid who I think says, "I wanna see it!" Ginger reassures everyone that Ms. Zorski will come back soon, but apparently not soon enough because Mrs. Grimley barges in and announces that Ms. Zorski will be out for another three weeks. Why do I get the feeling Mrs. Grimley had something to do with her quarantine? But if she's actually that sick, then there has to be a bug going around. Why aren't more people under quarantine?

She reminds me of my 7th/8th grade social studies teacher.

Carl finds a pair of shades and a tiny leather jacket in Higsby's room while trying to come up with a radical act for Mr. Licorice. The gears are turning, but he doesn't have a solid idea just yet. Honestly, dressing up animals in anything is just lame. They're entertaining enough with their own naked selves.

Courtney asks Ginger to pass a note to Miranda, who is reluctant to do so for obvious reasons. But Courtney insists because "it's an emergency." All three get caught, naturally, and Mrs. Grimley reads the note aloud to see what this "emergency" is: Miranda's shirt tag is sticking out. Better call 9-1-1! That's a fashion faux pas that'll send even the trendiest fashionistas into a coma. In response, Mrs. Grimley assigns Courtney, Ginger, and Miranda to a 17,000-word essay on the invention of the cotton gin. Come on, girls. You have to realize that she's just fucking with you. I bet she won't even read them. And despite the fact that a 70-page essay (assuming this is to be written in Times New Roman, size 12, double-spaced font), I hate how teachers sometimes assign writing as a punishment. I mean, look at what I do in my spare time--write. No wonder why so many kids hate writing. If I were them, I'd write "A 17,000-word essay on the cotton gin" at the top of a page, nothing else, and hand that in. Yay for smart-assery!

I never had a horrible sub before, just horrible teachers. And even they didn't assign these hyperbolic written punishments when we were acting up. They just yelled at us or made us write "I will not _______" twenty times on a piece of paper. People like Mrs. Grimley just like the illusion of power.

Anyway, Miranda has had enough, so she calls a "class meeting" after school to organize a plan of revenge. Courtney suggests T.P.ing her house. For those of you who don't know, T.P.ing someone's house is when you take rolls of toilet paper and "decorate" their house with it. It's a form of vandalism, though relatively harmless compared to throwing eggs, water balloons, and drive-by shootings.

Ginger is skeptical because doing that is grounds for expulsion, so Courtney suggests crepe paper instead, which is totally different. Everyone agrees to the plan, except for Ginger. Why don't these kids just hide a videocamera in the classroom, record Mrs. Grimley being verbally abusive, and show Principal Milty just how much of a power-trip she is? That would certainly do more damage than a bunch of paper strewn all over her yard.

Then again, this is Principal Milty we're talking about. Who knows if it'll even work? Ahh, it's still a better idea.

Ginger pulls Dodie and Macie aside and asks them if they're seriously going to go through with this stupid prank. Macie's like, "Hell yeah, that bitch is going down!" while inching her way up a tree. Ginger's obviously outnumbered and under the influence of peer pressure, so she reluctantly agrees to go through with the plan.

After much time, creativity, and patience, Carl unveils Mr. Licorice--motorcycle monkey of mischief:

Unfortunately, Mr. Licorice doesn't know how to ride this thing, so him constantly falling off is detrimental to him winning. Carl is confident that Mr. Licorice will be great with a little more practice.

Over a three-way phone call, Dodie mentions that, in addition to the T.P.ing, they'll be pelting Ms. Grimley with raw eggs. Ginger is now totally uncomfortable with this, and I can understand. This is America--you don't throw raw eggs at people; you sue them down to their last penny!

No, but seriously, this kind of peer pressure is complicated. For Ginger to not be on their side, they'll assume that she's on Mrs. Grimley's side, which I know is not true. It's all association--Grimley = evil, class = good. If Ginger's not with the class, she's against them. I just wish Ginger could suggest secretly filming Mrs. Grimley in action. I mean, by not doing anything at all, she's just allowing the abuse to continue further. And who knows what else Mrs. Grimley is capable of? Soon, she might start spanking kids for dropping their pencils the wrong way.

Carl is having trouble getting Mr. Licorice to stay on the motorcycle for more than a few seconds at a time. I don't blame Mr. Licorice for getting frustrated, considering Carl is pushing him too hard.

Ginger announces that she's out, and Miranda calls her a loser. Dodie and Macie decide not to take sides, so they're hailed as losers, too. Whatever. I'd rather be called a loser than possibly getting expelled from school.

Mr. Licorice has had enough, so he kicks down the motorcycle, throws mud (or his own shit) at Carl, and goes bananas. He's been doing this a lot lately, I've noticed. Poor monkey.

Perhaps this is a sign that Mr. Licorice is better off at the zoo than with either of these bozos. Maybe then he'll be better taken care of. Higsby fires Carl, and goes back to his original, embarrassing dance idea. Carl gets greatly offended, claiming that Higsby will eventually come crawling back to him. And when Hoodsey tells Carl that he's the reason Mr. Licorice snapped, Carl's like, "Hell no, what are you smoking?" Hoodsey's right, Carl; you do spaz when you disagree with him.

At Dodie's sleepover, Ginger feels guilty that she didn't take a big enough stand in stopping the T.P.ing, so she decides to go to Ms. Grimley's house to stop the prank. Wait, I thought they were using crepe paper; why did they switch back to toilet paper? Anyway, she figures that she's too late to stop the T.P.ing, so she hopes to stop the egging.

How did these kids know where her house is? And how did their parents let them out this time at night?

Courtney gushes to Miranda how exhilarating it is to be a delinquent. Poor girl. So, Ginger shows up right as everyone is about to hurl their eggs, and tries and fails to convince everyone to call the whole thing off. Come on, Ginger. They're already here. Do you honestly think you're going to convince twenty kids to be civil towards a sub who treated them like the shit in their septic tanks? Hell no. You have to do better than that. But Ginger isn't letting this go. Chet rings the doorbell, Mrs. Grimley opens the door, and Ginger runs in front of her, taking the blunt of the eggs.

After the kids run off, Mrs. Grimley figures out what's going on, and surveys the "damage." Ginger asks why Mrs. Grimley's reaction is so lackluster, since the kids at school hate her, to which Mrs. Grimley replies that she doesn't give a shit what a bunch of 12-year-olds think of her, and hasn't for a long time. So, my theory was right! She just loves the power trip. She tells Ginger goodnight, and slams the door shut, leaving Ginger in a state of shock, awe, and anger all mixed into a new adult state of mind called apathy. Dodie and Macie catch up to Ginger and tell her that Courtney and Miranda are going to be mad that she ruined their prank, and Ginger replies that she doesn't give a shit herself, which might possibly be the most character development I've ever seen this quickly.

Hoodsey manages to drag Carl to the pet talent show after all. When Mr. Licorice's turn is up, he straight-up refuses to perform the embarrassing dance in his sailor suit. The audience starts booing, Higsby desperately pleads with Mr. Licorice to start dancing, and things are getting uglier by the second. That's when Mr. Licorice takes Higsby's piccolo out of his hands and starts playing a soulful tune that resembles a sped-up version of the end tune to The Boondocks. Now that's talent!

Huey and Riley Freeman would probably think this tune is fly.

The audience, though, doesn't find this as amazing as I do, apparently, because one guy turns to the girl next to him and gives Mr. Licorice's performance a thumbs-down. Shoot, if I saw a monkey do this, I'd be mesmerized. It's a friggin' monkey playing a friggin' piccolo, people! How is that not amazing?!

Carl comes by, after learning all Mr. Licorice wanted to do was jam, and tells Higsby that both of them tried to turn Mr. Licorice into their own literal pet project, but Higsby doesn't want to admit that he was doing something wrong. He takes his monkey and leaves, hopefully for the last time, because I really do not like this kid.

Ginger walks into class with Dodie and Macie, who try to cover Ginger's ass by telling the class that she didn't rat the T.P. culprits out. Ginger has a scowl on her face the whole time, from walking into the class to pushing her desk back to the front of the room. Everyone looks at her like she's insane. Nope, she's just tired of taking the backseat to everyone's shenanigans. Mrs. Grimley walks into the room and asks Ginger what the fuck she's doing with her desk turned back to its original position, threatening to give her one of her famous extra-long essays. But Ginger's like a honey badger, see, and honey badgers don't care.

"Bring it on. I have a lot to say." - Ginger

The class is astonished, looking on at Ginger's rebellion with total jealousy and fear. Ginger completely explodes at this woman, telling her that she'll take on 30,000 words if it means getting to say everything she needs to to tell this power-hungry bitch that she's no replacement for Ms. Zorski. The other kids in the class are so inspired by Ginger's confidence that they all move their desks back to the center of the room.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. She straight-up tells Mrs. Grimley that it's not her job to "pretend" to be a teacher, and that everyone should have given her Hell from the first day she started barking orders like a tyrant. Damn, Ginger. You might as well just say she has no business being around children. I'd definitely say that Ginger has been driven to extremes, hence the episode title. She continues on and on, delivering plenty of much-needed retaliation, but ultimately ends up in detention.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: stand up to your tyrannical teachers; peer pressure sucks; you can lead a monkey to a banana, but you can't make him peel it, chew it, and spit it out at your visitors.