Top 5 Worst ATBG Episodes

As Told by Ginger has some of the most talented writers I've ever heard of. In no other show can we get beautifully-crafted episodes with such rich depth and character development that makes us question our own perspective of the world, as well as shit-stains for writing that scrape the burned bottom bits of the entertainment barrel as a way to explain away some of the worst and most irresponsible morals one could put out on a children's television show.

You know what grinds my gears? The fact that As Told by Ginger made me wonder why this show wasn't more popular and praised, while at the same time I hoped no one would ever even remember this show. Why? Because of these episodes:

Here are my top 5 picks for the worst As Told by Ginger episodes:



#5: "Ms. Foutley's Boys"



Oh, God. This episode! I didn't think it was possible that one grown (grown as in height-wise) man could be more irritating than his three out-of-control children.

Here's the thing about this episode that makes it feel like a roll of sandpaper in place of a slip n' slide: the whole "boys will be boys" mantra--the gibberish Buzz spouts to justify his absolute shit parenting skills--is never challenged in the entire episode. Now, there's no reason to compare Buzz to Lois--it's like comparing apples to dinosaurs. Maybe Buzz and Joann would be a better comparison, but that's not the point.

Lois had a great opportunity to force Buzz backwards against her dynamic rage as she schooled him on how to be a parent--not even just a good parent, but a basic parent who performs the minimum requirements to take care of their kid. In other words, this could have been a great episode about recognizing the signs of child neglect and endangerment, and get those kids put into foster care or an orphanage since Buzz refuses to acknowledge that he puts his kids into danger on a daily basis. Instead, the episode ends with Buzz throwing his hands in the air because he's too prideful to even see what giant fuck-ups his kids are. They can barely speak proper English, they run around like apes, and they have zero respect for other people and their property. If they're like this now, what will they be like when they're teenagers? Adults?

Consider the boys' home life. They live in a beat-up trailer (the ultimate stereotype for hicks and hillbillies), have food and laundry thrown all over the place because they don't know what a trash can is, they have holes in their clothes, and look severely malnourished. And yet the show just presents this as a lifestyle rather than a cry for help. I understand kids can be rowdy and messy, but there is no excuse for these boys (and Buzz!) to act like a pack of wild animals who have escaped from the zoo. Even Carl isn't that bad.

Honestly, I really don't see why this needed to be a dating episode in the first place. Lois didn't even like this guy after a few minutes of him in her house, so why was the focus on them getting involved romantically? Also, what did Lois ever see in him, anyway? So, he discovered mold growing in her house. I bet I could too if I was the one with the toolbelt.

This episode could have at least ended with Buzz feeling some guilt about the way he raised his boys, even if there's a tiny moment where he looks back at Lois in his truck and whispers, "Maybe Lois is right after all," then at least there could be a chance for Buzz to redeem himself and become a better person and father. But no. Because this episode never acknowledged the danger Buzz's sons are in, it immediately gets sent to the Top 5 Worst list.

tl;dr Version: Buzz is a hypermasculine asshole who needs to get his shit together before someone calls CPS on him.


#4: "Of Lice and Friends"



Ah, this is where, chronologically, we learn that Dodie is the shittiest person in the entire series. Her desperation for popularity and attention unfortunately pays off somewhat, but at the extent of people around her. Look, I totally get Dodie just wants to be liked and accepted, be invited to fun parties, and kiss cool boys. Whatever. But what she doesn't realize is that she can have all that without being popular.

See, Dodie loves gossip. She'd probably grow up to be the next Perez Hilton or start her own celebrity stalking show. For now, she sticks with the small potatoes--the Lucky school district and its secrets. While it's important to her character development for her to not think what she's doing is wrong, what I hate the most is the fact that nothing Dodie does or says has any repercussions. She doesn't get in trouble by school administration for blabbing confidential information. Ginger immediately forgives her for snubbing her and nearly revealing everyone's names who were discovered to harbor lice on their scalps. And her reputation falls right back to where it always was--to an anonymous nobody.

Truthfully, blabbing a bunch of secrets isn't something to necessarily end a friendship over. However, I wouldn't have forgiven Dodie so easily. The worst part about this episode is the fact that Ginger had actually asked Dodie not to reveal that Lois is checking kids for lice, but Dodie ignores this request because she thinks it will boost her popularity. What the hell is the logic in that?

What ultimately moved this episode into the Worst category instead of leaving it out altogether is the fact that not even Lois is able to see the bullshit in Dodie's behavior. She clearly knew what was going on, and instead of encouraging Ginger to force an ultimatum on Dodie (be a decent human being, or GTFO of my life), she puts Ginger in the bad guy seat and encourages Ginger to make up with Dodie because "everyone makes mistakes." No. No. I am sorry. Getting carried away and accidentally revealing some student secrets over the morning announcements out of excitement is a mistake. Purposely humiliating students to garner more attention and popularity is likewise of a corrupt politician. What was Lois thinking? Dodie knew what she was doing. She knew she was hurting people. Therefore, the only mistake was allowing Dodie anywhere near a microphone.

tl;dr: The fact that even Lois thinks what Dodie did to the entire student body was a series of mistakes is just mind-boggling and out-of-character.


#3: "Cry Wolf"



Naturally, Dodie reveals a secret about Ginger to Miranda, and Miranda decides to use this secret as blackmail as a way to get Courtney all to herself. Haven't we learned by now not to trust Dodie with secrets? That's not even the worst part. Miranda forces Ginger to do her bidding just so she won't tell the school about her functioning hair follicles.

What pissed me off this entire episode was how far Ginger was willing to go to protect her hairy secret. Sure, she's 12, so of course she would be embarrassed about having hairy legs. But this episode never provides an opportunity for Ginger to stand up for herself and decide not to care anymore. Her spine becomes the consistency of an oil-soaked spaghetti string as she allows Miranda to control her. How does Ginger even know Miranda didn't already tell people about her hairy legs? For all we know, the entire school probably knows and doesn't care. Miranda loves to be in control, and for Ginger to give Miranda all this power just proves to Miranda that she can control Ginger just by uttering "frizzy lizzies."

What would have worked better, instead of Ginger sneaking behind Lois's back to have her ankles shaved, is if Ginger came to school in shorts--showing off all her fire red leg hairs, and telling Miranda to her face, "You're not going to control me because I don't care that I have hairy legs!" Ballsy, empowering, and a great lesson for budding teenagers. Instead, this episode seems to pull the reigns on the "stand up for yourself" lesson by making young girls even more scared of their bodies by telling them naturally-occurring changes are not okay. While watching this episode, I kept screaming at my laptop for Ginger to stand her ground and stop being such a doormat, because she doesn't have to take Miranda's bullying. I know Ginger was just embarrassed about her leg hair, but come on! It was physically painful for me to sit there and watch her retreat with her tail between her (hairy) legs.

Honestly, what were we supposed to learn from this episode? How to outsmart the bully? How about how to tell the bully to fuck off so they know you're not worth picking on?

tl;dr: Ginger is so spineless that it hurts me to watch her be pushed around just so that people won't know she's not allowed to shave her legs.



#2: "Wicked Game"



This was supposed to be the episode. This was supposed to be the story of how Ginger cut Dodie and Macie out of her life and became official best friends with Courtney Gripling. Instead, we get shit on a stick.

It's almost as if the show was written this way, with Ginger and Dodie's friendship building up to the point where Ginger gets sick of all the backstabbing, but someone decided, "Ah, let's just have Ginger make up with these clowns and pretend this whole episode never happened!" A cop-out just to keep the tiny seven-year-old fans from crying about the trio's break-up, and also to keep angry parents from calling the studios and demanding Ginger, Dodie, and Macie make up so that their kids would stop crying. Now, I know that's not very realistic. So then why would Emily Kapnek and the storyboard people build up to this life-altering moment where you'd think this was the climax of their friendship, that this was going to be the moment Ginger decided enough was enough, only for Kapnek to go, "Ha-ha, just kidding!" the very next episode? Why? Why? 

Dodie wanted Ginger all to herself. She was willing to rip apart her best friend's first relationship just so she could have an extra hour after school with her. Now, because Dodie is exactly the kind of person who would do that, it's not the reason why this episode is up here. It's the fact that Ginger realizes what a fuck-up Dodie is, has commented on how shitty of a person Dodie is, yet still will not hesitate to stand by her side and forgive her whenever Dodie feels like apologizing.

It's as if Ginger's in a physically abusive relationship, where she's repeatedly being punched and kicked and shoved into a wall. Even though Ginger knows this is wrong, she'll still hug and kiss her abuser after he apologizes. No. This is not what friendship is. I'll say it again: THIS IS NOT WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS. This is a toxic relationship. This is unhealthy. This leads to psychotic behavior. This leads to many, many bad things. The "I'll have your back no matter what" mantra needs to STOP. Nobody is obligated to stay friends with anyone. And for that, I am PISSED that Ginger decided to accept Dodie back and continue to act like every wrong thing she did from then on out was a total surprise of character. Not only is it lazy writing, it's irresponsible writing.

tl;dr: The fact that Ginger knows how horrible Dodie is but continued to stay friends with her anyway is encouraging viewers to stay in toxic relationships.


#1: "Dodie's Big Break"



I hope it's no surprise to anyone that this mosquito bite on the nipple landed in the #1 spot.

I have absolutely zero sympathy for Ginger in the high school episodes. Not only has Dodie managed to get worse as soon as she entered high school, Ginger has also gotten dumber. She goes from being the voice of reason and intuitive free-spirit to being an annoying spaz with a chip on her shoulder (though that was due to Darren). At this point, I actually kind of feel bad for Dodie. Hear me out.

I don't know why Ginger was written to be so stupid during the high school episodes. It's as if she got amnesia and never remembered all the horrible shit Dodie put her through, so that when she starts degrading Ginger right to her face, Ginger reacts like a nun hearing a swear word. Okay, yeah, she faked a broken leg as a way to weasel her way onto the pep squad. That's so Dodie. Ginger is shocked that Dodie would do such a thing. Dodie also makes Ginger look like a piece of shit bully in front of the pep squad girls just so they'd take pity on her. That's so Dodie. Ginger is appalled that Dodie would make her look bad. See a pattern here? How about this: Ginger doesn't even try to challenge Dodie in the sense that she never pulls the pep squad aside and clues them in to what's going on. "They would only believe Dodie." Bullshit. Why should Dodie be held as more trustworthy than anyone else just because she's part of their team? If they were smart girls, they would consider Ginger's input instead of blindly trusting Dodie.

And why do I feel bad for Dodie? Ginger obviously sees something worthy within her to continue staying friends with her--Dodie is just being herself; Ginger is the one who wants to be involved in a toxic, emotionally abusive friendship. Dodie must be the ultimate manipulator.

But yet, I still hate Dodie. Even worse is the fact that she complains that she's not being promoted to the squad fast enough, so her bright idea was to cheat her way up there, then cry when she got caught. Ultimately, the part that lands this episode in the #1 spot for worst episode of the series is that Ginger feels sorry for Dodie and begs Coach Candace to give her another chance. And Coach does it! Dodie is back on the squad as the mascot, and has potential for being an official squad member. Why? Because people felt sorry for her? Because Dodie wants it more than anyone else? Because they felt sorry that she started crying after getting caught cheating her way onto the squad? Absolute. Bull. Fucking. Shit.

This would never happen in real life. Never. No one gets special privileges just because they want something soooo bad. I want a million dollars soooo bad. But if I robbed a bank, got caught, and started crying because of how much I wanted the money, the cops would laugh in my face as they haul me off to jail--they wouldn't baby me and tell me, "You gotta work for it, honey" while unlocking my cell and giving me a good-paying job so that I could earn that million dollars I soooo badly want.

This is one of those episodes that has no moral, other than if you cry hard enough, you'll get what you want eventually.

tl;dr: If you cry hard enough, you'll get what you want eventually. 


So, those are what I consider the top 5 WORST episodes of the series. In the next couple of days, I'll post my picks for the top 5 BEST episodes of the series.

But now, it's your turn, bloggers: What episodes do you think are the worst?