Season 3, Episodes 41 - 43: "Far From Home / Foutley's On Ice"

Here we are, folks; it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Welcome to season 3... one day early! Okay, I actually finished writing this a few days ago. I figured if I was done, I shouldn't keep you guys waiting too long.


The headmistress of Avalanche Arts Academy is about to select the final five candidates to spend a semester there, and all the deans sit around the table to look over the candidates. They look about as uninterested as a child at a childless family reunion. Ever notice how really highfalutin American schools on TV always seem to be run by someone with a really uppity old-timey mid-Atlantic accent? Kind of like how Blake and Mrs. Gripling talk? That accent derives from aristocratic American society, and is a blend of American and British English. So, I guess in modern times, educational prestige is synonymous with aristocracy, so I guess it makes sense for TV.

Anyway, a man named Maurice pulls out five portfolios with the chosen candidates, and one of them happens to be Ginger.

The following scene sounds like the opening to a musical for some reason. The first time I saw this episode, I thought Ginger was going to break out into a song and dance about being accepted into Avalanche Arts. Naturally, the happy music comes to a screeching halt when Dodie moans about Ginger applying for the Avalanche Arts fellowship without telling her first. Ugh, typical Bishop. Always has to know everything that's going on in everyone's lives. I wonder if Ginger has to tell Dodie when she's on her period, and has to keep a consensus of how many pads and tampons she has left in her bathroom cabinet.

Then again, this isn't like menstruating--this is kind of a big deal, so on the one hand, I don't blame Dodie. On the other, I can see why Ginger didn't say anything. As Ginger finishes cleaning up the kitchen, she raves about Avalanche Arts' gorgeous campus and cute fuzzy animals. Meanwhile, Carl is outside, clearly high on Sheltered Shrubs-grade weed:

Apparently, he's trying out his new anti-hypothermia balm, made from chicken fat. Gross. You know, Carl would make an excellent test subject for various science experiments when he gets older. It should be his regular 9-to-5 job.

"Hello, Carl," says his future wife. "How was work today?"
"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Injected poisonous fruit juice to see if they break up blood clots, sprayed myself with a radioactive cologne to see if nuclear power plants can cause cancer, had a sandwich for lunch, was lowered into a fire pit while wearing nothing but a half-inch thick suit of titanium. How was your day?"

Did... did he just dump hot oatmeal all over his half-naked body?!

There is barely any context for this scene, so I honestly don't know if Ginger is in on it or not. She just might be so used to Carl's weird shit that stuff like this has no effect on her anymore.

Apparently, Carl devised this little experiment for the Weird Human Winter Fest. Sounds like his home away from home. Anyway, the phone rings, so Carl gets up to answer it. The scene cuts to our good friend Noelle Sussman, who's calling Carl while eating a slice of toast. She notices the lack of condiment and declares that it needs jelly. So she FREAKING MOVES THE JAR WITH HER MIND. Noelle is telekinetic! Holy flame-broiled balls, that's neat!

Can you use that power to bring kittens to my room?

Anyway, Noelle calls because she wants to come over to the doghouse after "school-ish" and possibly do weird PG-13 things together. Heh, if Carl finds out Noelle as telekinetic powers, the epitome of weird, he might let her touch his petrified eyeball. Carl ends up having to cut the call short to put on some pants and get to school.

Miranda throws a hissy fit because Courtney mentioned no one wears ear muffs anymore, and also because she's a clingy bitch baby that cannot function without Courtney's approval. Meanwhile, Dodie continues to bust Ginger's balls about the possibility of getting accepted into Avalanche Arts Academy, but at least Ginger tells her to shut the hell up about it because the chances of her getting in are very slim, despite the fact that we already know she's in. I can already see Dodie's face of "betrayal" when she finds out...

Ginger passes by Courtney, says hello, and Courtney compliments Ginger on her earmuffs--you know, the same accessory she told Miranda was out of fashion. And boy, oh boy--Miranda gets so jealous, you can almost see her turning green. Okay, I don't know if Courtney is trying to rub Ginger's coolness in Miranda's face (which would make so much more sense) or if she's trying to impress Ginger the way everyone else tries to impress Courtney. And then Courtney goes to chase after Ginger to tell her how the fluffiness of her earmuffs totally matches the cute hairs in her nose. I can understand why Miranda would be upset here, but it really isn't Ginger's fault Courtney likes her better. Okay, maybe it is her fault. Miranda has been known to abandon Courtney when a new queen bee comes along. Like Hope, for example. It's just karma, honey. Be a decent human being and maybe people will start to like you.

Oh, and also Miranda, stop being a gold digger. I'm still sore from the Camp Caprice episode when you nearly abandoned your friendship with Courtney because you were going to lose out on a Virgin Island cruise.

I never understood why they're best friends. When do they ever get along?

Mipsy comes up to Miranda in the hall, and they both agree that Ginger is a terrible, selfish person who deserves revenge. And then Mipsy lets it slip that "something's already been done," hinting at Ginger's acceptance to Avalanche Arts. Uh, coming from Mipsy, this acceptance doesn't sound so good after all.

Carl begins to doubt his anti-hypothermia balm as being good enough for the Weird Human Winter Fest, and tries to enlist Hoodsey for new ideas. But Hoodsey is more interested in his cheesecake pudding to care.

He suggests that Carl could use one of his past weird rouses for the festival, but the idea of ripping himself off is way beneath Carl. Perhaps this is a sign that Carl should start growing up a little. Nah.

Ole Blakey Boy saunters over and announces that he, too, is entering the festival, only to be followed up by a round of insults from Carl and Hoodsey about what a dull piece of tumbleweed he is. Blake just so happens to have a birthmark on his ass cheek that looks like Mother Teresa.

"DAFUQ?!"

That's not weird--that's just disturbing. Are we going to learn about some guy at the festival who has a growth on his dick that looks like Gandhi? But I'm curious--is it a silhouette of her? Are there differently shaded areas that look like her facial features? I mean, it's not like she had any unique features. And who was the one who first noticed this, anyway? I give you questions, show, now give me answers!

Ginger's voiceover comes on and talks about how she knows Dodie would be pissed if Ginger got accepted, so she's not saying anything on purpose, and hey! Look! It's Laetitia Bowers! How have you been, girl?

And ew, go away, Ian. You too, fake French boy. Hey, wait a minute, these are not just random people. They have names. All of them had their own episodes. Nice sextuple cameo!

Ginger totally has Dodie Fever--it's like cabin fever except she's itching to get away from Dodie so she could go to Avalanche Arts. Of course, Dodie continues to make Ginger feel like shit for wanting to go, nearly backing her into a corner. Is it so much to ask, Dodie? Is it so much to ask for you to not make every God-damn thing about yourself and just be excited for Ginger for once? She didn't even get in yet, and already I want to beat your face in. Macie, don't just stand there. Do something! Call animal control! Something!

And wouldn't you know? Ms. Zorski announces over the announcements that Ginger has won the fellowship to Avalanche Arts Academy. It's too bad Ginger doesn't get to be excited about this wonderful opportunity because her so-called "best friend" doesn't want her to go. Fucking fall down the stairs, you selfish scumbag. Hell, even Miranda knows that this is a good opportunity for Ginger; she's even throwing a bon voyage party for her. But it's Avalanche Arts, a chance for her to get the fuck away from Dodie for once in her life. I only wish Macie was chosen as well.

This is actually making me angry. No, I mean this is actually making me tense inside. Not just because of Dodie's selfishness, but because when she's alone outside, she paces back and forth, pulls her hair clips out, and says the following, verbatim:

"How is this possible? How did she get in? Five kids in the whole entire country and they choose Ginger?! It doesn't add up. It's not like she invented a cure for the common cold or something!" 

Okay, despite the fact that I've seen this movie before and know the circumstances as to how Ginger got in, that's irrelevant. If Dodie was really a friend to Ginger, she would be excited that Ginger got in at all. It seems like Dodie believes Ginger doesn't even have a pinprick of talent and skill to even get close to Avalanche Arts, which is completely fucked up. How about that poem Ginger wrote last episode where everyone believed she was depressed? Weren't you, Dodie, convinced that Ginger was depressed based on the depth of her writing alone? I don't care how much you're upset that Ginger won't be around anymore--you could at least pretend to be happy for her, and then go up to your room and bawl your eyes out later. I'm glad Ginger calls you out on your bullshit, because this is just unacceptable.

Carl and Hoodsey catch Noelle spinning random objects in the doghouse telepathically, and her surprise makes her lose concentration and drop everything.

Carl is so intrigued by what he just saw that he asks Noelle to demonstrate it again. She lifts Blake's tonsil up into the air, and is immediately included into Carl's Weird Human Winter Fest plan.

Ginger tries to tell Lois all about Dodie's freakout, but she unfortunately doesn't see the deep psychological issues that Dodie possesses. I don't think you understand, Lois. Dodie isn't a normal girl. This is much more than just missing Ginger. It's more than just her best friend going away for a few months. Like Courtney, Dodie has this obsessive attachment to Ginger that never disappears. Okay, Courtney can at least function on her own. Dodie has separation issues and cannot even breathe without Ginger being at least in the same neighborhood. And it's really insulting to Macie, who will still be there, because having only Macie won't be enough to keep her happy. You should count your blessings because you have devoted friends, you twit. You could be like Miranda, who has no real friends at all.

Nice apron.

Macie and Darren try to console Dodie as her mental breakdown runs its course, but it's no use. Ginger is her "best friend!" Uh, hello, Macie and Darren are sitting right behind you. Are they not your best friends, too? Why is Ginger more important than Macie and Darren? Perhaps Miranda might be onto something--Ginger seems to be important to quite a few people: Courtney, Dodie, Darren... but still. That's straight-up rude of her to emphasize how much of a best friend Ginger is to her. Macie and Darren just sit back and watch her cry; even they know she's gone off the deep end of pure obsession. I'm genuinely surprised Macie sides with Dodie a little bit. She's being brainwashed--brainwashed, I say!

But so much can happen in one semester! Really? Like Miranda could morph into a good person and make a real friend? Or Macie could see an ENT specialist and finally get rid of that congestion? Or Dodie could actually think of someone other than herself for once and donate to a soup kitchen? No, her bangs could grow out. That's the most exciting thing that could possibly happen in the next few months. Fuck that shit. Pack your bags, Ginger.

Nope, not even Darren can find a fuck to give.

He tells Dodie (and Macie) that Ginger deserves more support, and that they should shut the hell up already because she's going to come back eventually. And even if she doesn't, Ginger would be better off anyway. It seems like Darren is the only one with sense around here anymore.

Wow, Lois is letting Carl and Noelle be up in Carl's room with the door closed? Well, they are still a bit too young to start having sexy thoughts, so I guess it's okay. I don't know. Anyway, Noelle tries to joke around with Carl while they're watching some old alien monster movie, but Carl is too interested in Noelle's telekinesis--so much, in fact, that he becomes too lazy to even do anything himself anymore. Freeloader.

Noelle becomes rightfully upset that all Carl cares about is her powers that she storms off back home. But Carl is too dense at the moment to see what he's doing wrong. Lois tells him that it's time for dinner. What are they eating? Human carnage. I freaking love this scene.

Ginger is now undecided about going to Avalanche Arts, despite the fact that there's a lot of cool shit going on up there. Outdoor classes, electives, cool kids. But I wouldn't read the booklet if I were you, Ginger. It won't tell you anything about what the school is really like. Darren pops in through Ginger's window, and they talk about Avalanche Arts. Darren pretty much solidifies Ginger's decision to go when he tells her that with her talent and passion, she's destined to be wildly successful. D'aww. And that's it.

I wonder how much the tuition is there. I mean, I know with a fellowship, she doesn't have to worry about that, but still...

It's the day of the festival, and all the weirdos have showed up to show off how different and non-conformist they are. Hey, even those twins from Carl's class are there! And there's some guy with a circumcised penis for a second nose.

Somehow, Noelle wasn't upset enough with Carl to back out of the festival, because she actually showed up. But she is still annoyed, because when Carl constantly asks if she needs anything to prepare for the audition, she replies with things like,"I'm fine," and "I'm not intimidated by the competition!" It seems like Carl is the one who's not fine and is intimidated by the competition. He bumps into Higsby, who's auditioning based off of his weird "Ooga Booga" dance, which is literally just him flailing his arms and shouting "Ooga booga!" Higsby? Not weird-fest material, Carl? That dance may not be weird, but Higsby most certainly is a weird enough individual to qualify. I wonder why he didn't bring Mr. Licorice.

"Is it me he loves, or my telekinetic powers?" - Noelle
"Your telekinetic powers, duh!" - Hoodsey

Ooh, Mipsy and Miranda are up to something shady. Mipsy uses a public phone to tell someone to tell her uncle Maurice (remember, one of the deans from Avalanche Arts?) that she transferred money from her Bat Mitzvah account (most likely to cover Ginger's fellowship fees). So, let me see if I understand this--Mipsy paid off the deans and headmasters at Avalanche Arts to accept Ginger for the semester. And her uncle, Maurice, is an accomplice in this? Damn, that isn't right. So, in a way, Dodie was actually valid when she said it didn't add up when Ginger was chosen out of a pool of equally great--or better--applicants for the fellowship. Ew, I don't like it when Dodie is right. But the way she said it, man. It made it seem like she didn't think Ginger had any chance at all.

Mipsy and Miranda then get a new plan--why keep Ginger away for a semester, when they can rig the system to get her enrolled in Avalanche Arts Academy permanently? Bitches. You know, these two are actually more pathetic than Dodie.

You know, this might be because it's a Nickelodeon show, but spending actual money to send someone to a wonderful school does not sound like something someone would do to their enemy. Although it's illegal, it's a nice gesture to get Ginger into her dream school. This could be a play on the phrase, "I'd pay to get rid of them!" But if Mipsy and Miranda truly hate Ginger as much as they say they do, they'd just hog tie her and throw her into a leaky basement to die. That's what real pathetic psycho teenagers do. So, I really don't understand their motives here. Maybe if Ginger got into Avalanche Arts naturally, and Mipsy and Miranda paid to keep her there, it might make a little more sense.

And considering the abstract concept that Mipsy is paying for Miranda and Courtney's friendship, it's clear that both of these girls need rigorous therapy sessions with Doctor "Cough Medicine" Leventhal.

It turns out both Blake and Noelle have been accepted at the auditions and will move on to "compete" for lack of a better word, with the other weirdos for weirdest person. Of course, Higsby's silly dance didn't make it on the list. Oh, well. You lose. Better luck next time, Brando. Carl rushes over to tell Noelle the news, and they cheer and smile and spin each other around in pure bliss, ending with this:

These two were made for each other.

The next day, Darren forces Dodie to apologize to Ginger for acting like a selfish bitch, but it's totally half-assed because she's not really happy for her, nor is she actually sorry for what she said. Okay, I know that Ginger probably wouldn't have gotten into Avalanche Arts without Mipsy intervening, but even if Ginger did get in naturally, Dodie still wouldn't be happy. She just wants her security blanket with her at all times. Anyway, Ginger forgives her and all is good.

When Courtney hears the news about Ginger leaving, her reaction is much more mature and very acceptable. She doesn't cry or pout or throw herself over her bed, even though she's obsessed with Ginger.

Back at the doghouse, Carl, Hoodsey, and Noelle go over the rules of the Weird People contest. Because Noelle is too young to attend it on her own, she'll need an adult chaperone. They agree to put Hoodsey on stilts and adult makeup, I guess because he looks the most adult between him and Carl. I don't get why Noelle doesn't just ask her parents first. Maybe they'll agree to take her.

The universe is shifting and Ginger isn't even gone yet--Courtney, heartbroken that Ginger will be gone for a while--enlists Dodie and Macie to be her new sidekicks to fill the Ginger-less gap. And then she casually puts her arm around Dodie's backpack. Oh, no. Look what you've done, Gripling. You've unleashed Dodie's sexual awakening.

Some time later, Ginger packs up her entire bedroom for a semester's worth of time. Damn, and Lois even sprang for a moving van. It's only five months, Ginger. I didn't even bring half that amount of stuff during my last year up at college. Trust me: you're only going to use about a third of what you're bringing. And that's something I learned my freshman year!

Ginger becomes so overwhelmed with living far from home all on her own that she feels uneasy. Lois sits down to comfort her, but not before yelling out the window at the beeping truck driver that she's coming down in a second. Damn, I love you, Lois. Anyway, Lois gives Ginger some advice, which is to make the rest of the time she has left in Sheltered Shrubs a good one.

That night is the night of Ginger's going away party. She's clearly nervous, as she cannot find the right words to sum up her departure from the only home she's ever known to a brand-new place. I don't really expect Ginger to know what to say--again, she's only going for a semester. Though it definitely doesn't help that people are pushing and pulling her in all different directions. It's definitely confusing, stressful, exciting, and nerve-wracking all in one. That's why for the majority of us, we don't experience this medley of emotions until we go away to college.

Ginger walks with Dodie and Macie to Miranda's house. Hmm, if Miranda hates Ginger so much, why would she want the party at her house, where Ginger would be walking on her floors, sitting on her couch, peeing in her toilet...

That sign in front of Miranda's house practically spells it out for the world to see:

Ginger's plan is to write Dodie and Macie every day, though that seems excessive. But not nearly as excessive as when Dodie suggests for Ginger to call them twice a day. How do they expect Ginger to go to class and study if she's in constant contact with them? Leave the girl alone, for Pete's sake! Let her live! Heck, even Macie agrees.

Miranda shoves the three inside so the party can officially start. Courtney begins the toast, and then gives Ginger her going away gift. At first glance, it looks like a blanket, but it's not. You want to know what it is? Courtney pulls the string, revealing a life-sized blow-up doll of--you guessed it--Courtney. Holy freaking--I have no words.

Someone stick a Brazzers logo on here and just be done with it.

I can make a hundred jokes about this, but I'll just leave this wide open to your imagination as to why Courtney would want to give Ginger a blow-up doll of herself. I think Emily Kapnek knew that this was going to just fly under the FCC radar when she wrote this. I guess to lower the possible sexual implications, Courtney voluntarily takes the doll back for herself. She then stares longingly at it and then takes it aside. Uhh... how about some punch? Start the music people!

While everyone is dancing (Courtney is actually dancing with her doll!), the camera pans to Darren, Dodie, and Macie. Dodie mentions to Darren how well he's handling Ginger leaving him behind for new friends to climb in through her dorm window, and it somehow slips that Darren (gasp!) loves Ginger. Dodie and Macie squee in excitement. But Darren, embarrassed and flustered, tries to take what he said back, and steps outside to consider what he "really" meant to say.

Carl, Hoodsey, and Noelle put together the perfect disguise for Hoodsey--ahem--"Hoodsdonowitz." But then there's the problem with Hoodsdonowitz's voice being too prepubescent. Noelle gets an idea. While Hoodsey paces back and forth complaining that he's not manly enough, Noelle plants a big ole smooch right on those whining flappers of his.

And there goes Hoodsey's balls. Dropping like the bass. A deep, gutteral "Hello children" utters out of Hoodsey's new manly body. And I don't know if Carl is making this face because he's surprised at how well that idea worked, or that his crush just kissed his best friend. I'm going to say both, but leaning more towards the latter.

The next morning, Ginger takes her sweet time getting on the bus to go to Avalanche Arts Academy. All this hugging and kissing and saying goodbye should have happened as the bus was coming down the street. Ah, whatever. Darren watches Ginger get on the bus from out his own window, and I'm not sure he's taking her leaving as well as he thought he would. Throughout the ride up there, Ginger's voiceover talks about leaving home and how it's not as bad as it seems once you're actually at your destination. This is a great lesson, though I never felt this way when I moved into my dorm freshman year of college. I never worried about being homesick or missing everything about home--I guess I just wanted to get away from home that badly. But that's just me. I'm sure nearly everyone else has at least some attachment to their homes.

So, we finally get to Avalanche Arts, and it looks really swank.

Ginger spots an elk standing right next to her, so she pulls out her camera to take a picture. But some guy named Fred stops her. as the elk are sensitive to camera flashes. Yeah, Ginger. Don't act like a dang tourist. Fred helps Ginger find her dorm, and all her stuff is already in the room. Damn, that would have been nice for college. I would just have to unpack--no carrying heavy boxes up and down stairs. Anyway, Ginger finds her new room and roommate inside, and already it reminds me of my own hippie-dippie college. Hipsters, starving artists, and non-conformity all around.

We weren't allowed to have incense, though. 

The roommate introduces herself as Thea, and she seems friendly enough. She and Ginger talk a little bit about the school and tuition, and then she offers to take Ginger out to show her around. And then the camera pans over to a photo of Ginger and her friends that's inside her suitcase, and it slams shut. I think this is a nice visual metaphor--Ginger is leaving her friends behind, in a way, in favor of new and exciting opportunities at a school she apparently was never supposed to go to.

Back at home, Darren tries to solicit advice from Dwayne about love, but he's not really that much help. You want to bang Ginger, Darren. No need to sugar-coat it.

Courtney has entered the withdrawal stage of her Ginger addiction. She reminisces with Dodie and Macie about a random exchange they had, which is honestly not as sickening as I thought it would be. Ginger is really lucky that she has friends who actually do miss her--but honestly, Courtney, Dodie, and Macie really need to get a hobby. They can't rely on Ginger for everything. 

Courtney initiates a group hug to soak up all of Ginger's scent, germs, and body fluids right as Mipsy snaps a picture of them to send up to Ginger. She calls it phase 2: "Your best friends have moved on, so why don't you?" My God, Mipsy. What would your parents think if they saw you doing this shit to an innocent girl?

And then Miranda laughs her signature laugh that could possibly be heard all the way up to Avalanche Arts.

Ginger gets acquainted with her new classmates, and surprisingly isn't homesick. That's just your body's way of recognizing that Dodie is off your radar, and you can finally relax for once, Ginger.

Meanwhile, Carl continues to struggle with the kiss between Hoodsey and Noelle.

As it turns out, Thea is not actually who she says she is. She's a Mipsen--and Mipsy's cousin. Holy hell, is everyone in Mipsy's family affiliated with Avalanche Arts? And if so, why isn't Mipsy going there? I suppose a talentless hack like her couldn't even get in through nepotism because she'd just spread ugly rumors about everyone, tarnishing the squeaky clean reputation the school has built up.

I don't see why she had to wear a disguise, though. It's not like Ginger has ever met Mipsy's cousin before, right? She calls Mipsy and tells her that she's doing a great job leading Ginger on, but notices that Ginger is missing her friends from back home. That's where Mipsy and Miranda come in, with the picture.

I honestly want to know what Miranda plans to do with Courtney once she has her all to herself. She already knows Courtney misses Ginger, and possibly won't stop talking about how her hair always smells like French lavender and how her nose crinkles up so cutely when she sneezes. So, this whole plan is pointless--it's just going to make Courtney and Miranda even more detached, considering they're not actually good friends in the first place.

Carl continues to lose his edge as his jealousy rises higher than the mercury on an Indian summer day. Noelle perfects Hoodsdonowitz's adult look. Combined with the manly voice, it's actually really well-done. I'm impressed. But, ew. That nose. Oh, God, what an ugly nose.

It's even worse when Noelle basically jumps on top of Hoodsey and they start rolling around on the floor together. Carl can't take his jealousy anymore, so he leaves. Aww, I feel so bad for him. But it's not like Noelle and Hoodsey are doing anything wrong.

Courtney, Macie, and Dodie are failing at functioning like normal humans because Ginger isn't there to mask their collective dull-as-dirt personalities. Seriously--turn on some pop music and dance. Look at kitten videos online. Go play in the snow. There's tons of shit they can do together. It makes me wonder if Dodie and Macie even talk to each other when Ginger's not around considering all they can talk about is what Ginger talks to them about. And you, Courtney--you travel a lot. Why not show them pictures of your foreign adventures or something? You cannot possibly tell me that Ginger was what was keeping you all from dying of boredom. That is unhealthy. And sick.

Darren is just as bad as Courtney, Macie, and Dodie. He's still carrying around a barrette Ginger dropped when she got on the bus, thinking about her nonstop. I don't understand--what is it about Ginger that makes her sooooo interesting that society breaks down the moment she leaves Sheltered Shrubs?

Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Patterson realize very quickly that Darren is experiencing Ginger withdrawal as well, so they encourage him to tell Ginger how he feels, probably so he can start eating again and can avoid calls from CPS.

Ginger rides off with Fred to God-knows-where to do God-knows-what.

Holy hell on a hoagie--please Courtney. Please. Get. Some. Fucking. Help.

Having a popular celebrity on your shirt = totally cool
Having a girl you barely acknowledge but you secretly want to fuck on your shirt = Psychotherapy 101

I cannot. It's like Ginger has these kids under her own spell or something. I get it, guys--you miss your best friend and feel lonely without her. Okay. But God damn it, this show is turning into a farce. I can guarantee you that Courtney has a Ginger blow-up doll in her room somewhere. And who knows how much she's charging Dodie, Macie, and Darren for copies of their own? I wonder if they even come with talking capabilities with real recorded phrases Ginger has said. At this point, nothing will surprise me.

Courtney's complexion is taking a toll on her without Ginger around, so she breaks into Mipsy's locker to borrow some concealer. And out falls the unmailed photo of the three Mipsy delayed sending for some reason.

Ooh, this is a good part right here. Ginger, in her voiceover, notices that she hasn't heard from Dodie or Macie in a while, and fears they're growing apart. And then she considers that this could be a good thing. Hallelujah! I knew it! Yes, Ginger. Go with your gut. You really need to cut Dodie and Macie out of your life. As you just indirectly mentioned, they are a drain on you.

Ginger catches up with Thea and mentions that she and Fred were totally grinding on each other the whole night. And then she comments on how liberal and open the student body is, and considers making some changes to herself. Oh, boy.

Noelle tries to talk to Hoodsey in private about Carl, as she noticed he hasn't been himself lately. She was hoping Hoodsey could help her reunite with Carl again, but Carl catches them together, assumes they snuck off together, and breaks off both of them. Ah, crushes. That's why they're called such. They crush your soul to the point where you don't know what's true or not anymore.

Courtney, Dodie, and Macie open the envelope and quickly realize that Miranda and Mipsy need swift kicks in their asses for pulling this horrible, yet elaborate stunt. So, Courtney proposes they all meet at her house after school to plan out how to reveal the truth to Ginger.

Some time later, after Ginger receives the pictures in the mail, she decides to leave her old friends behind in favor of reinventing herself. So, Thea prepares to dye her hair.

Hoodsey and Noelle try to coerce Carl to come out of the doghouse to talk, but he's too upset over what potentially is going on between them. Hoodsey tells Carl he would never betray him, but it's no use. Love hurts, man.

Ginger's new do actually suits her really well. It would look even nicer if it was longer, though.

Fred invites her to a reading of Jennifer's Ghost which is an obvious homage to Jennifer's Body. 

While Dodie and Macie take pictures of Courtney's room, Courtney's phone rings. Dodie answers, and it's Miranda, who goes "Ewwwww" at the sound of Dodie's annoying, high-pitched voice. That actually made me laugh really hard. I would totally do the same.

Ewwww, indeed.

Miranda demands to speak to Courtney, but Courtney is rightfully sore from finding out her so-called friend was trying to get rid of her one true love, so Courtney picks up the phone and reiterates her motive to talk to Miranda with Miranda and Mipsy's motive to get rid of Ginger: "Your best friend has moved on, so why don't you?" And hangs up. BOOM. Perfect. I love you, Courtney.

As Ginger and her new friends sit around a campfire reading Jennifer's Ghost, Darren pops up behind the bushes after taking the train up to Avalanche Arts, and totally makes an idiot out of himself when confronted by an elk. Ginger yells at him for being so stupid and Darren makes an even bigger idiot out of himself trying to regain control of his falling dignity. Ginger suggests they go inside to dry off, but Darren refuses, saying that Ginger would be better off with her "new friends." And then he leaves dramatically.

Oh, what the fuck, Darren?! You have a lot of nerve, don't you? You sneak away from home, barely catch a train ride up to Avalanche Arts hours away so you can confess your sudden lust for Ginger, who's trying to make herself comfortable in this new, exciting place. And when she doesn't jump on top of you and kiss you like you're her knight in shining armor, you get pissed, and then try to make her feel like shit for being with her new friends.

Seriously, what the fuck did you expect to happen when she went away for a semester? Did you think Ginger would get up to the school and start crying and hugging her photos of her old friends while curled up on her bed? Did you think she would start calling Dodie, Macie, and you every night and complain about how Avalanche Arts sucks so bad without Dodie's latest report on which insignificant couple broke up over a bag of cheese balls? Ginger has realized that she's finally free of all that stupid junior high shit that suffocated her for so long. She can finally be herself and write poems without people worrying that she's about to kill herself.

I think I hate Darren, you guys. Darren is possessive. He wants Ginger all to himself, and doesn't even accept her making new friends. Is he jealous? Is he worried she'll find a new boy toy? Too late. And yet he wants to start a relationship with her. No fucking way will this be a healthy relationship.

Forget about the fact that Mipsy and her cousin made this all happen. Ginger finally seems happy, and the other kids seem to like her without Thea's help. Why are you trying to ruin this for Ginger, Darren?

Okay, rant over. That just had to be said.

After Darren leaves, the group hears an announcement over the radio about a severe snow storm approaching. Wonderful! More conflict.

Ginger stays up all night worrying about Darren, and wonders where her picture of Dodie, Macie, and Darren are. Thea tells her she put it away since it's part of her past now, and Ginger gets hyper-defensive. And then Thea tells her about the full-time scholarship Ginger just received, which is weird considering Thea "knew" before Ginger did. Ginger says she's not taking the scholarship because her shitty friends are more important, and then leaves to go look for Darren. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Ginger! You were doing so well! You were finally going to be free of those toxic possessive Ginger-obsessed pathetic losers! Why can't you see what I see?

Oh, and I guess Mipsy and Miranda's plan backfired. Damn. Yes, I actually do wish it had worked.

This was supposed to be the time when Ginger realized who her true friends are. Screw this Nickelodeon "right thing." Dodie, Macie, and Darren are shit "friends." End of story.

Courtney calls Winston so he can drive the three up to Avalanche Arts and what the hell am I looking at here?

Unfortunately, Winston is taking Blake to the Weird Human Winter Fest, so he's unable to. I don't think he'd want to drive up to Avalanche County anyway considering the storm. Instead, Courtney arranges for her helicopter to take them there. Well, okay then.

At the Freak Fest, Noelle and Hoodsey get word from Blake that Carl called and wished him good luck. Hurt by this totally un-Carl sentiment, Hoodsdonowitz and Noelle plot to win in spite of Carl instead of for Carl. Meanwhile, Carl is stowed away in the tire holder on the back end of the bus, freezing his jealous little ass off.

Courtney, Macie, and Dodie break into Ginger's dorm and find Thea, who reveals to be Mipsy's cousin. She tells them that they're not going to ruin her "cash cow" plan to have Mipsy keep giving money to Uncle Maurice (who I believe is Thea's father) to keep Ginger here, so she threatens the three with a spray bottle. Oooh, I'm shaking in my snow boots.

Ginger continues the search for Darren while a montage of their time together in the past plays on an overlay of Ginger's face. So sad. She's such a smart girl, but sometimes I just want to strangle her until she can see that these people are terrible and will do nothing but bring her down.

Noelle wants to go home, as it's pointless to be in the Weird Fest without Carl. Hoodsey suggests they get some cheese fries at the rest stop and talk it over. Unfortunately, the fries take too long and they end up missing the bus. Shouldn't the bus driver do a head count? And wouldn't he see them out there? Noelle tries to telepathically bring the bus back, but ends up bringing back the tire case, and Carl crawls out, confused. He runs off, leaving Noelle and Hoodsey to chase after him. They all end up getting into a big fight about the kiss and about Carl's feelings for Noelle, all in the middle of the enormous snowstorm. It's actually kind of funny because they're all screaming at each other 30 feet apart. And once they start getting into nonsensical hypothetical arguments, their screaming causes an avalanche. The ice starts to break up around Carl, who's stranded and about to drown, but Noelle saves him using her powers. And I guess Carl is super grateful for that because it must mean that she really does like him. I don't know--these are ten-year-olds we're dealing with.

Noelle is weak from lifting Carl's body out of the freezing water, so the boys rush to her aid. Carl thanks Hoodsey, and Noelle especially, for saving his life. And now they're all made up. I wonder if this means if Noelle didn't have feelings for Carl, she'd probably let him drown.

And then, Ginger comes from out of the blue, Carl declares Noelle his girlfriend, and they all leave on the power ski thing she's been driving with.

Ginger stops at the train station to get her brother and his friends a ticket back home, and she ends up finding Darren there, whining to the train conductor about his elk encounter. Ginger asks him what the hell he's doing all the way up in the mountains, to which Darren reveals that he's madly in love with Ginger. Gee, Ginger, why else would he come up here? To return that barrette you dropped when you got on the bus? And then they kiss.

Did you hear Ginger moan right before their lips touched?

Whatever, man. If Ginger wants to enter a relationship with Mr. Possessive, then fine. But don't blame me if he starts controlling who you can and can't hang out with.

So, the guys and Noelle get on the train, and go back home to Sheltered Shrubs.

Ginger gets back to her room where she finds Dodie, Macie, and Courtney (and Thea in her wardrobe), and the whole plan is revealed. Thea also discloses the reason why Mipsy and Miranda went to all this trouble--you know, because they want more attention from Courtney, to which Courtney replies, "That is so sweet... in a really twisted, self-destructive stalker kind of way." Well, at least she's aware. And then they leave to go to Miranda's house to break her neck... and then kiss it for being "so sweet."

Ginger tells Macie and Dodie all about the kiss, and the camera pulls away to let them have their moment.

And then there's this very disturbing scene where these preteen girls wave Hoodsey over like they're flirting with him, and then he puts on his Hoodsdonowitz stilts and goes over to talk to them. Ewwwww. What the hell, writers?!

So, that's it. That's Far From Home, everybody. It's entertaining, it's creepy, it's romantic, it's illogical. I honestly cannot believe Ginger is still friends with Dodie and Macie, though. They are terrible. But you may think, "Oh, they came all this way so that they can warn Ginger about Mipsy and Miranda's plot." Yes, but they only did that so Ginger could abandon this great opportunity and go back home where she "belongs." Even Dodie reveals that Ginger ended up getting into Avalanche Arts on talent, and that she does deserve to be here. Fuck Dodie.

It's too bad we didn't get to see more of Fred. He seemed pretty chill. I would have also liked to see what Ginger's classes were like. Oh, well.

At least Carl and Noelle are together. They are totally perfect for each other. I wonder who ended up winning the Freak Fest, though. Probably Blake, who paid off the judges. Or maybe it was that guy with the penis on his nose. He needs help.

Ah, what the heck... everyone on this show needs help. Except for Lois--she is just tons of awesome.

See you all next week for the anticipated, "Wicked Game." I've been told it's a real blood-cooker.



Lessons Learned From This Episode: your shitty friends are the only friends you're allowed to have; communication is key when it comes to kissing and crushes and dating; Darren is possessive, Courtney needs serious therapy, fuck Dodie, Macie is getting worse, and Miranda and Mipsy need to seriously take a good look in the mirror because they are horrible, stupid people who don't even know how to enact revenge properly.