Season 2, Episode 33: "Family Therapy"

Greetings, everyone! I finally got my new laptop, so I'm now able to write these reviews in the comfort of my own dorm. You'd love this thing. It's purple. I love purple.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite episodes. I'm glad the show decided to shift the focus back to Macie because her whole character is a mystery, and this episode is great for exploring more about Macie and her inner devilish mind.

Here we go!

Chet Zipper is about to announce the monthly birthdays to the entire auditorium (talk about an ego trip!). Meanwhile, our three main ladies sit anxiously waiting to hear Macie's name being called out. Seriously, it's just a happy birthday wish. Why the fuck does Dodie feel like she's about to pass out? Nyah, why do I bother asking? It's Dodie Bishop for Pete's sake. Macie at least has a reason to freak because she just doesn't want to hear her name being announced to the entire school. A legitimate concern, I'd say; I never liked hearing my own name called out, either. If my name was something cooler that suited me like Aurora Bear or Deebiedoobie, then I'd be like, "Heck yeah, that's me."

Ginger, being the motherly figure of the group, comforts Macie because she's a good friend. Chet announces Macie's name, and her birthday (the 22nd of April), so she feebly stands, only to be knocked down by Mipsy's fake hair extensions as she waves to her fans, who cheer her on, for her birthday is on the 22nd as well.

I'm a horrible person for laughing at this picture.

Why is Mipsy getting the spotlight as the alpha-bitch lately? Unlike Courtney and Miranda (yes, Miranda), there are no redeeming qualities about her. If she doesn't start acting like a decent human being very soon, I'm lumping her right next to Joann as the bitchiest character on the show.

I also hate the way Mipsy talks; she always sounds like she's doing a Barbie commercial with the way she "advertises" her future plans. So many upward inflections, so much squeakiness... ugh. I don't know if it's because she has a bad voice actor, or because she's intentionally supposed to sound this annoying. Macie's stuffy voice kind of annoys me too, but nowhere to this degree! Ugh!

So, as Mipsy starts planning out her party with Courtney and Miranda (hey, long time no see!), Ginger and Dodie ask Macie what she's doing for her birthday. Macie speculates that her parents are throwing her this big ass birthday bash to celebrate the fact that she survived 13 revolutions around the sun because they've been more secretive than usual. Looks like this will be the episode we'll finally meet Macie's parents!

Courtney comes over and tells Ginger that she'll be getting an invite to Mipsy's birthday party, but Ginger doesn't even blink to tell Courtney that she'll be attending Macie's party instead. See, this is why I love Courtney. Sure, she has a borderline sick obsession with Ginger, but she's a total sweetheart.

Carl and Hoodsey are on a class field trip to the zoo when they watch Rufus from Kim Possible roaming around in an underground tunnel on a TV screen.

I bet Ron is stuck in there somewhere, too.

Carl and Hoodsey gawk at him, quite intrigued by what they see. I don't know, they look cuter in a cartoon, but in real life naked mole rats look like wrinkly old penises. Blake comes by and notices that the boys are looking a bit scared of Rufus. Is it his nakedness? His beaver-like teeth? Or the fact that he makes his home around the coffins of the dead? You know, underground? But Carl's like, "Buzz off, Blake, we ain't scared." But Blake walks away like, "Whatever, I know that thing totally freaks you out," in a posh, mid-Atlantic accent of course.

In the next room, the naked mole rat expert slaps on some rubber gloves and plucks Rufus--or rather, Gwendolyn--from her cage and asks if anyone wants to hold her. Everyone in the class is skived out by her hairlessness, and would probably be more comfortable holding a fluffy kitten. Carl hesitates to volunteer, which is rather odd.

He makes a comment about the hair in her mouth and accidentally drops her. The poor thing gets so scared that she burrows up Carl's pant leg, causing Carl to wiggle around and actually scream out in fear--for the first time ever.

He shrieks and flails around so wildly that he kicks Gwendolyn out of his pant leg and onto the floor, causing her to scamper out underneath the door. All the kids turn to Carl, who's still standing on top of the chair, frozen with fear. Seeing as Gwendolyn is gone now, Carl tries to play off the whole thing as one big joke, trying to make everyone believe that he was just pretending to be scared. Blake almost calls him out on it, saying that it was almost too convincing, but Carl's like, "That's method acting, bro."

Ginger gets her invitation to Mipsy's party in the mail, to which she scowls at. Totally understandable; I wouldn't want to go to Mipsy's party either. Lois arrives home toting bags of groceries. Ginger uses the opportunity to help Lois put away the food while talking about both Macie and Mipsy's parties. She's concerned that Macie's parents haven't sent out invitations yet, but Lois reassures her that it'll probably come last minute. Shouldn't it be assumed that Ginger is invited to her best friend's party? Why is she so concerned about the invitation? Whatever.

The focus pans back to Carl, and he's looking really apprehensive. Blake comes over to deliver more shit to Carl, trying to get him to come clean by telling him that he hasn't been himself since the field trip. Blake is told to go fuck himself, and then leaves with his nose in the air. Once he's out of earshot, Carl confides in Hoodsey that he, indeed, was scared. Hoodsey knew this all along, but didn't want it to be true.

"Not possible!" - Hoodsey

The episode flips over to Mipsy's party, and it's jammin'. There's a sushi chef, mountains of presents she doesn't deserve, and live entertainment, or should I say "entertainment"--Courtney is up on stage in a sparkly pink dress singing that Godawful "It's Courtney, it's Courtney!" song while Miranda monotonously reads off the lyrics. Why is she even singing about herself at someone else's birthday party? That's just rude. Courtney is seriously just doing this for herself.

"Damn, this is corny. Let's put on some Beyonce or sum shit." - definitely Miranda

And you know, now that I really look closely at the photo above, Miranda's dressed like she's going to an Addams family funeral.

The crowd eats this corn up like it's Thanksgiving, because none of them have good taste in music. And then a 3-tier cake is brought out, and I hate to say that it definitely outdoes the banal cake Ginger made for Macie.

Though I'll give Ginger some credit for baking and decorating that cake all by herself, even though she was kind of dumb to not leave enough room to write Macie's full name.

So, Ginger and Dodie are sitting there waiting for Macie to call to invite them to her birthday party, but it's already halfway through the day. You would think by now, they would assume that a party isn't happening. They look outside and watch an airplane write "Happy Birthday Mipsy" in the sky, and of course Dodie feels the need to comment, "At least you know he won't run out of room." I wish Joann's womb had run out of room so you wouldn't be alive, Bishop.

Suddenly, the phone rings. It's Macie. Ginger asks her when it'll be time to raise the roof, but Macie whispers in a shaky voice that there is no party; her parents had completely forgotten her birthday. And then she hangs up. Oh, dear. That is seriously fucked up.

After the commercial break, Ginger and Dodie are at Macie's house trying to convince her to confront her parents about missing their only daughter's birthday. But Macie shies away, saying that turning thirteen is no big deal and that she doesn't want to bother them. Wow, that's just... I actually have no words to describe how awful this is. How distant of a relationship to your parents must you have to feel guilty about something they did to you? I mean, I totally get how Macie feels--I sometimes feel too guilty over things that aren't even my fault, and if I try to speak up about it, I'd feel like I was in the wrong.

Macie's social anxiety is extremely prevalent, not to mention disturbing to the point where she actually tries to convince herself that she shouldn't be upset. Poor kid. She doesn't need this. She doesn't deserve this. Ginger and Dodie (yes even Dodie, surprisingly) tell Macie that this is fucked up beyond belief, and that she has to confront her parents. Seeing as her friends do care about her, Macie gains the confidence (albeit overdramatically) to remind her parents of the most important day of their lives.

Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey plot to find Gwendolyn before she climbs into the pipes and bites them in the ass while they're taking a shit. No, seriously, that's pretty much the reason why they want to capture her.

The trio visits the psychiatrist office where Bobby and Bobbie Lightfoot, Macie's parents, work as--you guessed it--psychiatrists. Ah, another cliche. Not too prevalent of one, but definitely there. I'm sure you've heard of the irony of psychiatrist parents who can't figure out their own children. If not, well, here it is. I also found it quite strange that their office appears to be attached to their house. Is that even legal? Anyway, Ginger tells Macie to ask the pointy secretary if she could see her parents, and Macie skips back happily to report that she'll be able to, in two and a half months. I'm with Ginger on this one when she says, "You have to make an appointment to see your own parents?" So, she walks right into the session, giving no fucks about the clients Bobby and Bobbie are with.

Bobby and Bobbie are very soft-spoken, hippie-like people, very welcoming of Ginger and completely forgiving of her walking in so suddenly. So, they allow her to explain that their workaholic lifestyle has left them completely unaware that they missed Macie's birthday. Bobby thinks that Ginger is mistaken, and that it couldn't possibly be her birthday, so he checks today's date on his PDA and sure enough, it's the 23rd of April. They missed it.

Wait a second, the trio waited a whole day to confront Bobby and Bobbie? Why didn't they just wait until they came home from work the night of the 22nd?

Anyway, Bobby and Bobbie are flooded with guilt, and feel like the worst parents alive. When they see Macie walking into the room, they kneel down and give her a hug, and a thousand apologies. See, I knew they weren't awful parents; they're awful at time management. Sure it's no excuse, but at least we know they care. And at least I won't have to delve into a side rant about expectations of being a parent.

They promise to make it up to Macie, so the next day, they treat her like royalty--if she was a four-year-old queen, that is. They wake her up with a hand puppet and surprise her with a swingset made for a toddler. To be honest, Macie is short enough to where you can't tell how old she is. Plus, she's wearing footy pajamas.

The next day, Macie delves into the details about her surprise birthday, and Ginger is clearly uncomfortable about how babied Macie is. Bobbie then pulls up to drive Macie home from school, and Macie gets super excited about how that's never happened before. Again, this is really sad. She even boasts about how they're going shopping to get mother-daughter dresses. After Macie leaves, Ginger expresses to Dodie how Bobby and Bobbie are treating Macie like she's four, and how she needs a "real birthday party." Dodie, however, is like "Oh, give her a break. She's finally happy for once. Stop putting your nose where it doesn't belong." And you know what? I actually have to side with Dodie on this one. Please shoot me now before I start putting my hair in high pigtails.

What the hell? Okay, I expected these reactions to be completely opposite. I expected Ginger--the one who forced Macie's parents to realize that they have a daughter they leave home alone twenty-three hours out of twenty-four--to be the one to be okay with any kind of attention Macie is getting. Just like I expected Dodie--Miss Wannabe Popularity--to be disgusted with the fact that Macie isn't getting the right kind of attention from her parents. I wonder why the writers decided to do it this way.

Carl patches up all the holes in the doghouse to make sure that Gwendolyn doesn't get inside.

What makes him so sure that Gwendolyn is going to burrow all the way to the Foutley backyard?

Carl and Hoodsey realize that they can no longer leave the doghouse. But they quickly realize that this is irrational, just like their fear of this naked mole rat, so Carl plots to catch her.

Meanwhile, at Kiddy Corn, a McDonald's playroom-type place with ball-pits, tunnels, and candy corn up the wazoo, Bobby and Bobbie have invited Ginger and Dodie there for a pre-party to Macie's actual birthday party, which they announce will be hosted at a petting zoo.

"I'm proud of you, I'm loving you, and I'm supporting you." - Bobby

Okay, I know I said I sided with Dodie *shudders,* but Ginger does have a point. When Bobby and Bobbie leave to get refills, Ginger lays down some serious shit, telling Macie that she has to tell her parents to start treating her like she's thirteen years old, and to give her a real birthday party. I think Ginger's just pissed that she'd be sitting next to a bunch of barn animals instead of a bunch of fine pieces of ass. Dodie tries to stay out of the conversation as much as possible because she's no help. Why would she be?

Then, Macie gets all offended, saying it's none of Ginger's business how her parents treat her (she has a point, there) and that she's teetering on the edge of a very high cliff in terms of whether or not she'll be getting an invite to her birthday party. She walks away, punches a bunch of balloons, and storms off.

You know, I have to say: while Macie should be treated her age, shes been neglected for so long that any kind of attention at this point is good for her. I don't think Ginger realizes that Macie is stronger than she thinks. Remember the Little Seal Girl performance? Macie needs this time to catch up on so much missed childhood, and it really isn't up to Ginger to decide how it should be done. I know Ginger is just worried, but she's done so much already. Let nature take its course. And Dodie, fuck you. Just because.

The next day, Dodie passes out invitations to the kids in school. Ginger gets one, and naturally gets concerned over the childish invitation she receives. At least Macie is inviting you. Stop getting your thong in a bunch. Ginger then expresses her concerns to Lois since Macie won't listen to her, and she even thinks that Macie is in the right, and that Ginger should butt out.

Carl and Hoodsey suit up to prepare to catch Gwendolyn at the zoo. Wait, why do they think she will be there? She could be anywhere right now. Anyway, Hoodsey explains that he has been so scared of where Gwendolyn might be, speculating that she could be burrowing through their plumbing system. He thinks Gwendolyn could climb up out of his toilet and bite him on the ass while he's taking a shit, so he's been holding his shit in his colon for the last few days. I am not making this up.

Ginger arrives right on time to Macie's party, and it actually looks quite adorable. Look at all the baby cutie pies:

Courtney and Miranda arrive too, but with vastly different reactions. Miranda is right up there with Ginger thinking the party is totally childish, while Courtney gushes and skips over to pet the baby deer. Yay!

I want to pet the baby deer, too!

Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey crawl around behind the barn tracking Gwendolyn, stopping to squeeze her fresh shit in his fingers. Oh my--I can't with this episode. That is just disgusting. Even for Carl.

Surprisingly, everyone agrees that Macie's party is actually totally rad. Even Miranda--reluctantly, of course--thinks it's "cutting edge." It's about time! Courtney gets upset that she won't be able to top the quaint, adorableness for her own 13th birthday, so Miranda takes her to go give pets to the baby ducks in the barn to cheer her up.

A few seconds later, Courtney runs right out of the barn screaming about some kind of hairless rodent--Gwendolyn! And then Carl marches right inside, turning to Courtney to tell her not to worry, with Hoodsey following right behind. They keep on their toes, hesitating to get close, until they find her in the corner of the barn cowering in the light of Carl's flashlight. And it's at this moment that Carl realizes that Gwendolyn, although ugly, is more scared of them than Carl and Hoodsey are of her. So, Carl gently picks her up so he can take her back to the zoo.

Ginger goes over to Macie, who's sitting on her gift table snuggling a teddy bear (aww!) and apologizes for being such a dick. Then, she gives Macie her present, which is a purple T-shirt that says, "I'm a teenager, that's my problem." I understand it's a gag gift, but it kind of seems like a "fuck you and your feelings" kind of sentiment after the way she treated Macie when she forced her to confront her parents. But Macie loves it anyway, and says that she's going to sit Bobby and Bobbie down and tell them that, although she's had fun catching up on lost childhood, she's a teenager now and should be treated as such.

See, Ginger? I told you it would all work out. Macie is not as childish as you think--she just likes to hold onto her childhood much longer than you do.

As the camera fades away, a bunch of balloons fly up into the air, and one of them is shaped like a naked mole rat. D'awww! Happy 13th birthday, Macie!

Lessons Learned From This Episode: help your friends whenever they're being neglected by their parents; don't try to control how your friends live their lives; don't be afraid of naked mole rats.