Season 2, Episode 29: "Lunatic Lake"

Trivia: "Lunatic Lake" was nominated for an Emmy in the Outstanding Animated Program (Less than One Hour) category in 2002.

I might have only seen this episode once, and not even the entire episode, and the only part from it I remember is Ginger and the gang being in the car, with Ginger calling out "I see the bridge!" and being yelled at by Joanne. I don't know why that scene has stuck with me for so long. It's literally the only scene from this episode I remember.


Carl, for some reason, brought Macie a newspaper with some escaped mental patient named Floyd Boggs on the cover. Macie presents this information to her English class, and nearly has a heart attack when she mentions that he might still be on the loose.

Floyd Boggs looks like he's been decomposing in the woods for a month.

The climax of her panic attack comes from the fact that she, Ginger, and Dodie are planning on vacationing with Dodie's family (oh dear God) at Loon Lake, where Crazy Floyd is supposedly hiding. And just when we think this episode is going to turn out to become one of those 80s slasher movies, Ms. Zorski tells Macie that the newspaper is, in fact, a tabloid. And then the bell rings, signifying the beginning of spring break... or whatever 11-day vacation this is supposed to be.

After a mini throw-down between Dodie and Miranda over whose vacation will be more boss, the class files out the door, ready to spend the next week and a half with their eyes glued to any and all electronic screens.

Speaking of electronic screens, Blake is about to become the hottest thing on YouTube when Carl and Hoodsey sneak into the boys' bathroom with a black-and-white video camera and pop open the stall on Blake taking a gigantic shit.

I thought Blake had his own mini-personal bathroom. 

Carl and Hoodsey had chosen Blake to be part of their new documentary cleverly titled: Survival of the Fittest, Or in [His] Case, Un-fittest. Blake asks what the hell Carl is planning on doing with this project, and Carl replies that he's using Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution to prove that Blake can't survive on his own, and that he's a drain on the entire human species. I'm not even paraphrasing that. Carl, you're such an asshole sometimes.

Well, Carl's hypothesis isn't all that wacky. I mean, the Griplings did build an entire west wing the size of a normal house solely for guests. Who knows what each individual Gripling is capable of to reap the Earth's and society's resources for his or her own benefit? An interesting experiment; I shall tune in, as long as there are no more bathroom shots... unless Blake is actually shitting gold because he's so rich.

Blake saunters up to Carl and says matter-of-factly that he's a front-runner for the Young Explorer contest, where he will have to survive for 48 hours at Loon Lake. And then Carl wishes him luck considering Crazy Floyd is out there in them same woods, scaring the rest of the shit out of Blake. How absolutely convenient for the plot! I swear, I have never seen a more forced convenient plot weave on this show. Come on, writers, are you having an off-day? Why not take a vacation down to Loon Lake and clear your creative little heads? Just watch out for Crazy Floyd! See how I wove the plot and a vacation suggestion together? This should be something they teach in screenwriting classes: convenience =/= conflict.

Ginger and Macie express their concerns about Joanne with Lois, as they're rightfully afraid of her, calling her "a little intense." Psshh. Calling Joanne Bishop a little intense is like calling Freddy Krueger a tad eccentric. While both are indeed intense and eccentric respectively, they are only so with the intention of controlling and hurting others. Joanne absorbs souls, and it's no less evil than Freddy smashing your face into a TV. "Welcome to prime-time, bitch!"

Lois's advice is to not let Joanne's bitchitis ruin their fun, and if she tries, just tune her out because they're there to have fun.

"Why can't all moms be like you, Ms. F?" - Macie
"Because there isn't enough spandex to go around, Macie." - Lois

The scene then cuts over to Joanne--surprise, surprise--absolutely forbidding Hoodsey from inviting Carl on the trip to Loon Lake. Not just because she hates every fiber in his being, but because she's already got too many bodies to squeeze into the family van. Mr. Bishop comes in and sides with Hoodsey, so Joanne throws her hands up and allows Carl to come.

Early the next morning (or night, I can't tell), the Bishops (and Macie) arrive to load Ginger and Carl's stuff into their van and drive off to Loon Lake. Meanwhile, Lois is basking in four uninterrupted days of soap operas and unrealistic medical dramas. Is this what free time is going to be when I hit 40? Anyway, a special news bulletin comes on announcing that Crazy Floyd is on the loose--no really, he really is! And, he's mentioned to be extremely dangerous, just like in the tabloid newspaper.

Hey, Crazy Floyd has polydactyly (6 fingers) on his left hand!

But this news doesn't bother Lois, presumably because dealing with Joanne Bishop is scary enough.

Joanne busts a vein over the fact that Mr. Bishop took an alternative route, wasting their whole morning, and busts everyone's chops to shut up and sit down. The girls start to get a bit bored, so Dodie suggests a game she and Hoodsey play called "I See the Bridge," in which the first person to spot the South River Bridge (a bridge they always cross on the route to Loon Lake) must say "I See the Bridge!" But wait... if they're going in an alternate direction, how would they see the bridge that's on their usual route?

Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey giggle in the back like schoolgirls about their plot to scare Blake with a rubber mask, pretending to be Crazy Floyd. As practice, Carl puts on the mask, Hoodsey turns around to film the guy driving behind him, and Carl pokes his head against the window, scaring the shit out of the guy driving behind them.

But seriously, why would someone react that way to an obvious mask?

Off-camera, we hear his car swerving, so I assume he gets into an accident and dies. Ginger spots the South River Bridge and announces it really loudly, causing Joanne to snap at everyone to shut the fuck up already. And then Ginger sheepishly apologizes.

The next scene cuts to a fast food joint, as everyone waits for Carl and Hoodsey to finish taking a leak. Right before they come out, this creepy as all hell family walks past the camera. Holy damn, they're like zombified versions of The Shining twins. Why do they all look the same? Why do they all have the same hair? Why do they have the same facial expression? Ahhhh... get them off the screen, please!

Once again, Joanne complains about yet another pit stop, because this woman is incapable of going more than sixty seconds without being a bitch. Calm the hell down, woman! It's not like Loon Lake is going to dry up like Camp Green Lake if you don't get there on your anal-retentive schedule. A bunch of kids run out of the restaurant scared shitless while Carl and Hoodsey walk out toting a big ole bucket of friend clams. Carl offers them to Joanne, who graciously accepts the offer, inclining Mr. Bishop to say, "See, Joanne? Carl isn't always as irritating as a half-dozen mosquito bites on the bottom of your foot!" Note to self: get on Joanne's good side with a bucket of clams. And thus, for the first time in, like, ever, Joanne is happy. So happy, in fact, that she actually offers some clams to everyone in the car. Of course, Hoodsey gorges on those things like a damn barbarian.

Good lord... is there anything this kid won't eat?

Joanne's limited happiness runs out when she gets to the lake and starts feeling nauseous from the clams. Dodie invites the girls to collect some fresh maple syrup on the way to the lake. Meanwhile, as Carl and Hoodsey unpack upstairs, Carl suggests that he and Hoodsey should jump out the second story window in case they get spotted. Wouldn't they be spotted jumping out of a window too? I mean, it's kind of hard to ignore the screams of two stupid ten-year-old boys' cries of pain when they slice their limbs open trying to assume a bush would break their fall.

Dodie reminisces on her memories coming to Loon Lake every year, and stops momentarily to show Ginger and Macie the lake. Look at it--it's gorgeous! This ought to be a postcard, or the June painting of a Thomas Kinkade calendar.

When the girls return to the cabin singing that damned Camp Caprice song, Joanne chews them out for not helping with dinner. The girls hide their shame by telling Joanne that they were just having fun and chilling by the lake. Joanne says that she wouldn't know how gorgeous the lake is because she's been up to her elbows slaving over sliced bread and mayonnaise making their sandwiches. Where's that bucket of clams when you need it? Oh, that won't help. Someone get some monster-sized pliers and an economy-sized jar of lube--it's going to take a freaking miracle pulling this stick out of Joanne's tight asshole.

Okay, so Dodie is clearly trying to make excuses for Joanne's critical bitchitis by saying, "Oh, she gets cranky from long car rides," because she knows how bad it always is, and nervously asks Ginger and Macie if they're having a good time. They nod their heads and let out a breathy "Yeah," even though they'd rather be anywhere else but here right now. And they say it so far away from the camera, their faces visible in between the posts on the wooden chair. That's an interesting cinematic choice. Now, I don't know much about film, so my interpretation for this may be totally off the wall, but it seems like this scene in particular where Ginger and Macie are whispering how "fun" of a time they're having--from a far distance--is analogous to how "distanced" they're feeling to Dodie. I don't know why that scene is so vivid to me; it just is.

Is the cameraman trying to "hide" from Joanne?

 That night, Ginger writes in her journal. She comments about how Joanne isn't making the girls feel welcome at all, and how Dodie doesn't want to admit how fucked up her mother is. Ginger even gets a little bit scared when Joanne walks past her, possibly because she feels like Joanne would scream at her to turn off the flashlight, close the book, and go to bed.

That same night, Carl leads Hoodsey, scared as all Hell, through the woods to begin filming. Suddenly, Hoodsey shits his pants when he and Carl hear a rustling in the bushes. They shine a flashlight in front of them and spot a skunk. It lunges at them, making the boys run up into a tree in terror.

Meanwhile, Joanne wakes her husband up out of his peaceful Joanne-less dreams to tell him that the clams Carl gave her were "poisoned." Lies--Hoodsey would have been sick too. She makes a bigger scene out of it than necessary, as if Carl had intentionally planned to poison his best friend's mother. This damn drama queen has such a strong vendetta against Carl that I'm surprised she didn't try to strangle him in his sleep.

I feel so sorry for Mr. Bishop.

Joanne freaks out that her precious son could possibly have salmonella thanks to his "rotten little playmate." Ginger has had enough at this point. She gets up and straight up tells Joanne that she's not being very fair (that's probably the nicest way of saying it), but Joanne retorts back, "Oh, don't tell me rudeness runs in your family, too!"

Okay, let me just pause here for a second. Here's the thing I have with these nasty characters on this show. Right now, we're up to 5 major assholes: Brandon Higsby, Principal Milty, Miranda Killgallen, Dodie Bishop, and Joanne Bishop. Now, there have been episodes where I truly felt sorry for most of them, because they do have a heart deep down, even if they have trouble showing it most of the time. Like when I felt sorry for Dodie when Ginger abandoned her for Judaism or when Higsby completely broke down when Mr. Licorice ran away... but never have I ever felt sorry one bit for Joanne. She has been nothing but spiteful, hateful, and just uncomfortable to be around since the show began. She indirectly claims that all her nastiness stems from Carl, but Joanne just likes to use him as a scapegoat for her behaviors. There is not one good quality about her, and I don't think I've ever seen her express any other emotion other than anger. That is not healthy.

And don't give me the ole " but she's a devoted mother and wife" because that's like saying Dodie "always tries to be positive and upbeat." Out of context, these descriptions are trivial and say nothing about their personalities at all. The way Joanne is written sounds like someone based her from personal experience, so she is this way for a reason (not that I'm justifying it, of course). Just like no one is born racist, why would someone pop out of the womb with a permanent puss on their face? There's a deeper mystery to her character, and I hope we find out sometime later in the series.

Okay, back to the review:

The fact that Ginger calls this 40-something-year-old woman out on her hyperbolic hatred of a ten-year-old boy, who may be a pest but has shown her nothing but respect, is much overdue. Joanne doesn't even try to explain her behavior; she just (in the throws of fury) dismisses Ginger's strong feelings for being rude to her. Oh no, someone has expressed their frustrations to the almighty Joanne! This person just must be rude, as Joanne Bishop is never wrong! Ginger tells Joanne that she's not being rude, but then chickens out and gets all soft, ending her strong argument with a delicate, "You just have to give him a chance."

I don't know... I think Ginger should have just called Lois to come pick her up and take her home. How can anyone feel comfortable staying in a hostile environment like that?

In the next scene, we find the girls scouring the woods for Carl and Hoodsey, as it's been discovered that they, and all their things, are gone. Why would they take all their stuff just to scare Blake? Anyway, Joanne is still cranky from her food poisoning, and I'm 100% sure she's making it worse than it actually is.

Why are they all holding their flashlights with their left hands? 

Dodie suggests calling a park ranger, but her suggestion gets overshadowed by Joanne shining her flashlight under her face and whispering, verbatim, "If you want something done right, Deirdre Hortense, you do it yourself. That's why I'm here and your father's packing the van." Again, no good qualities to be found here.

Joanne and the girls walk up to a cabin down the road from theirs. Joanne rings the doorbell (it's an actual bell) and in the silhouette from inside the cabin, a small man crawls up to the door barking like a dog. He opens the door and OH MY GOD, IT'S CRAZY FLOYD! AAAHHHHH!

Spare the kids, kill Joanne!

Joanne, completely unaware that this is a supposed psycho standing a foot in front of her and her daughter's friends, apologizes for bothering him so late at night and asks to borrow his dog to help search for Hoodsey and his "demon-spawned" friend. She hands him a few rolled up bills, which Crazy Floyd sticks in his ass crack. No, seriously:

Crazy Floyd then drops to the floor, howls like a dog, and hands her the leash.

Carl instructs Hoodsey to film the rabid skunk, further irritating it instead of just leaving the poor thing alone. Clumsy Hoodsey nearly falls out of the tree, dropping his camera on the way down. The skunk now thinks Hoodsey is trying to hurt him, so the skunk starts to growl and get even more defensive.

Back to the girls. Dodie complains to Ginger that this whole situation wouldn't have happened if Carl hadn't have come along, and Ginger retorts, "You know, I don't need this from you, bitch. As if your mother wasn't making me feel bad enough!" Macie breaks out into a nervous laugh, and decides to distract herself from the awkwardness by grabbing her bucket she left under a tree that had been collecting sap all day. She lugs it back to the group, purposely staying farther behind so she won't have to be stuck in the middle of the situation. I wouldn't blame her. Just make sure there aren't any animals around who love tree sap.

The food poisoning begins to hit Hoodsey right as the skunk runs off to terrorize other boys lost in the woods. He tells Carl that he's cold, tired, nauseous, and just wants to go back to the cabin, but Carl is dead-set on getting his footage. You know, I don't even think Blake is here--we haven't seen him since he was clearing his bowels in the boys' bathroom.

Carl decides that Hoodsey may be right, and decides to use Ginger and Dodie as their victims instead. Once they both jump down from the tree, they look over and see that the skunk is still there. In a scary slow-motion clip, the skunk narrows its eyes, releases a stream of stink, and leaps right at the boys.

"Damn, nature, you scary!"

But it's too late--the skunk sprays them down with its concentrated stench, and now Carl and Hoodsey are going to be spending a week taking long tomato juice baths.

Crazy Floyd's dog goes absolutely nuts, and pulls on her leash so hard that she pulls Joanne into the mud. Dodie becomes worried about her and suggests that they go back and call a doctor, but Joanne becomes as rabid as the skunk, looks Dodie dead in the eye, and OH DEAR GOD NO:

Forget the nine circles of Hell; this is the nine circles of NO.

God fucking damn it--I didn't think it was possible for this woman to get any more fucked up. She croaks out a sound from her bitter, caustic mouth, telling Dodie that she won't rest until she sees the look in Carl's "beady little eyes" when she forces him to stare at her poisoned, dying body. And then she turns and continues walking. Dodie stares for a moment, and then continues t follow her, jaded from the understanding that her mother is in dire need of a padded room in Arkham Asylum.

So, Dodie suddenly feels a wave of guilt and apologizes to Ginger for being so shitty towards her, and Ginger apologizes back. And then they're "friends" again. Wooooo. Macie waddles on up to the girls when the dust settles with her big ole bucket of syrup. Is it just me, or does Macie always wait for them to become friends again to start talking to them? She never wants to choose sides. Hmm...

Blake's scream is heard in the distance (hey, he actually is here!) and the scene cuts to Joanne hovering over him, menacingly asking where Carl and Hoodsey are while shining the flashlight in his face. For fuck's sake, Joanne! Leave the kid alone! My God, does this woman hate children?! She doesn't even ask what he's doing sleeping out in the woods all by himself. My God, imagine if this was a children's sleep away camp! Parents would sue the Bishops so hard, not even Courtney could afford the trials.

And then Joanne chases him out of his sleeping bag while laughing maniacally. I am not making this up.

Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey are still up in the tree avoiding the rabid skunk. They consider altering the project so that it will star themselves instead of Blake since they have so much footage already. Carl films Hoodsey pretending to see Crazy Floyd, and Hoodsey's moaning leads Joanne and the girls to them. She demands the boys to get their troublemaking asses down from the tree so they can all go home, and then Crazy Floyd shows up asking for his dog back. He learns that his dog ran after the skunk, and completely loses it, getting down on all fours and barking like a dog again. The girls recognize him, and huddle together for safety.

Oh, God, this next part. This next part is just absolutely phenomenal, Macie--big, bad Macie Lightfoot--becomes overwhelmed with her own protection instinct, so she flings her bucket of syrup at Crazy Floyd, but she misses, and nails Joanne instead. YEEESSSS! FUCK YES! And then Macie chases Crazy Floyd away with the bucket over her head like "Hell yeah, you better run!"

Go Macie! Go Macie! You're awesome, you're awesome! Go, Macie, go! After Crazy Floyd is gone, Carl jumps down from the tree and gives Macie a classic slow clap. Everyone is silent as the moment sinks in--the moment that Macie ultimately became the Neville Longbottom of As Told By Ginger. 

So, as Mr. Bishop drives everyone home, Ginger's voiceover comes over as she writes in her diary about how although the trip was a total bust, she finds it fascinating that her familial (family?) instincts took over when she defended Carl, just like Dodie defended her batshit crazy mother. And then Ginger vows to never take another vacation with the Bishops again. Her own family is enough of a circus.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: Some people are just too insane to be helped; it's okay to talk shit about your own family, but defend them when someone else does; never vacation with the Bishops.