Season 2, Episode 28: "TGIF"

This is one of the episodes I remember most vividly--for some reason, it seemed like this was the episode that came on TV the most, whereas other episodes (excluding the high school ones) I've never even heard of. Maybe I was just too young to remember. Then again, I do have a short-attention span. Is that similar to a bad long-term memory? Hi, I'm Dory. 


Today is Friday the 13th, and it's not a Nickelodeon show if it shies away from an opportunity to exploit this superstitious cousin of Halloween for all it's worth. Funny thing is, as I'm writing this, it actually is Friday the 13th. Coincidence? Anyway, Carl goes to town drowning his eggs in ketchup while he boasts to Ginger about how rad the 13th day of Friday is, and that he has to be ready for anything. Naturally, Ginger rolls her eyes at Carl's childish demeanor, as junior high kids are so over superstitious fun.

*Dun dun dunnnn*

Lois comes into the kitchen and complains about having to wait for the plumber on her day off from work. And then she tells the kids that if he doesn't figure out why they're not getting any water, they'll be taking sponge baths for a while like Lois gives to all the crippled old people at the hospital.

The black magic of Friday the 13th continues to circle the Foutley clan when a tire pops on Lois's car (yet it still continues to drive). Carl enlightens Ginger and Lois with the reason why he loves Friday the 13th so much--apparently, bad luck leads to good luck. So it's not even the sinister, bad luck Carl likes; he's just in it for when only so much bad luck can be presented that all he'll get is good luck. Kind of like the "what goes up, must come down" policy, only backwards. And then Lois's trunk spontaneously combusts.

Look at that face...

...you can't tell me he wasn't planning that.

As Ginger runs for her life, her sweater gets caught on the car door. It rips when she pries it loose. Ehh, it was an ugly sweater, anyway.

Some minutes later, Lois is still trying to figure out how to fix her car. Ginger and Carl wait on the sidewalk. Carl rolls up a pant leg to show off a prepubescent leg to hitch a ride to school, like hookers do when they want to hitch a "ride."

Still, this isn't enough bad luck for Carl, as he plans on causing a lot more chaos in the next 20 minutes. Luckily, the Gripling limo rolls up, and Courtney offers Carl and Ginger a ride to school. And she also insists that Winston could fix the rip in Ginger's sweater. I love Courtney--she's such a sweetheart.

After the limo drives off, a truck stops next to the car, and some hick with a big nose gets out asking if Lois needs help. It turns out that he's the plumber Lois called, but he also supposedly knows his way around automobiles. And then they start flirting. Wait, I thought Lois was dating Doctor Dave? Or are they just friends right now? I'm guessing they're friends because I wouldn't peg Lois as the kind of person who would cheat.

Ginger gets super envious of the Griplings' cordial behavior towards each other. They say please, thank you, you're welcome, while Ginger has to deal with Carl, whose behavior resembles that of a blender with the lid off. On the contrary, I have seen Carl act quite courteous many times before; he just acts like an itchy scrotum in church when he feels like it. This thought is mostly due to the fact that Carl had opened the roof window and caused Ginger's homework to go flying out. But honestly, out of Blake and Carl, who would make a cooler little brother?

Ginger complains to her friends about what a shitty family she has, and that she wishes she could have been born into a different family. Dodie says it's totally normal because everyone wonders what that would be like. I know I do, every single day of my life...

Carl digs around in the trash while Hoodsey keeps watch, and pulls out a metal wire. He plans on hooking it up to the roof of his house during a thunderstorm for some reason even though that'll only attract a tragic house fire, not bad luck like Hoodsey says. Then again, a house fire is bad luck but if you're the one to cause it, it's just intentionally being an idiot.

Avada kedavra!

Hoodsey is starting to lose faith in being able to cause enough bad luck onto them, but Carl still has high hopes.

Back at the Foutley house, Buzz the plumber pries off the bathroom tiles and nearly has a heart attack at what he finds inside the walls. Mold. And not just any mold--deadly mold that could destroy the Foutley house if it's not taken care of immediately. I guess the animators didn't think real mold looked "deadly" enough, because this stuff looks like someone vomited up a chocolate milkshake.



And why is it moving around like amoebas? Is it to make it look scarier? Please. Want to talk scary? Here's what real deadly mold looks like (thanks, Google!):

Stachybotrys chartarum, also known as black mold, is the most toxic of them all. Greenish-black in color, and often grows in warm, damp places on woods and paper (CDC). I'm guessing this is what's in the Foutleys' bathroom walls.

Honestly, the black spores spotted on that wall look way scarier than chocolate milkshake barf. And yes, I just spent the last ten minutes researching mold for you guys. And now I'm now looking at the walls of my dormitory computer lab for any off colors.

Anyway, Carl and Ginger are called into their principals' offices to be informed that their house is going to be tented for mold removal, and that they'll have ten minutes to run in and out of there (in swanky hazmat suits) to gather their most important belongings. Ginger rolls her eyes in disappointment. Carl fist-pumps in excitement. And for some reason, Principal Milty tells Ginger that there is an "important lesson in hygiene to be learned," which is about the absolute most jackass thing to say to someone who didn't even cause the problem. Seriously, Milty, why would you say something like that to a child? You might as well have just said that Ginger's mother should clean her filthy house more often. Don't act like your house is a model for Better Homes and Gardens--you did have Carl and Hoodsey clean it every day last summer while you went off gallivanting with your lady friend, in case you forgot. Dick.

It must be a slow news day, because the tenting of the Foutley house has become the top story. The entire neighborhood has crowded around to watch as men in hazmat suits go in and out to clean out the named "F-13 mold." Friday the 13th mold?

It's fashionable to give names to everything in the news: wars, hurricanes, blizzards, mold infestations...

Darren's house has also been tented for "safety reasons." Bullshit--the mold removal people probably just want to get more money by charging families to "inspect" nearby houses. But Darren's totally cool with it, probably because this is the most exciting thing to happen to Sheltered Shrubs since the monstrous blizzard a few episodes back.

The Foutleys are planning on staying at Dodie's house, and I guess Darren's staying at a nearby relative's house or something. Carl uses the opportunity to plan to collect the gnarliest mold samples he can find. What he plans on doing with it, I don't know. He'll probably grow it really large and then stick it in between Blake's mattresses or something.

The news anchor tries to interview Ginger as she's suiting up, referring to her as "the little girl who has become accustomed to living in deadly filth" as if Ginger was intentionally inhaling mold spores for shits and giggles. I really want to say how ridiculous the news crew is being about this, but it's surprisingly accurate in relation to how sensational the news can be to amp up any story to garner ratings. Sweet, sweet ratings--anything to keep the Sheltered Shrubs neighborhood from keeping their eyes glued to nothing but 80s sitcoms and cable porn.

"I ain't telling you diddly squat. Now get that camera out of my face."

Spacey music plays as Ginger meanders through her house. Everything is a mess and the walls have spots of chocolate milkshake vomit. The mold has apparently spread all over the house within hours, even to the dishes in the sink. Riiiiight. If there weren't other people around me right now, I'd be laughing at how ridiculous this is. First of all, I thought the mold problem was exclusive to the upstairs bathroom. And, assuming that it was only growing there, there is no way for it to reach downstairs into the other rooms like that, that quickly, and appear in random spots on the walls and dishes. Unless the entire house was damp and warm from floor to ceiling, and mold spores were floating all over the house and attaching themselves to the damp walls, it's impossible that mold would grow like that, that fast.

Meanwhile, Carl heads straight for the mold headquarters to get his sample, but Lois flat-out refuses to let him touch it. Why doesn't Carl just scrape off the mold that's encrusted all over the door, there? I love how Lois just knew that Carl had his eye on it, and that she caught him before he went into the bathroom. After Ginger makes it outside with her journal in-hand, her journal (as well as Lois's foot bath) is taken away for mold inspection to be returned when it gets the all-clear. Why didn't they take their clothes with them, since they'll be staying at the Bishops' house for a few days? I guess I kind of understand, being that their clothes would have to be inspected, but are they just going to sleep in the clothes they're wearing? So many questions, so little sense.

Ginger becomes overwhelmed by all the microphones and cameras being shoved in her face, and who wouldn't be? Oh, Lois and Carl. They don't spare a detail about the experiences walking through their mold-infested house. They feed the starving journalists, telling them what personal possessions they took, why they took them, etc. Ginger cannot believe how her family is kowtowing to the desperation that is American media, and complains to her friends. Dodie's like, "Sometimes it's better to just face the press." Of course you would say that, Dodie. Of course you would say that. 

"Otherwise they just hound you until you crack, and then misquote you." - Macie

But the problem is that Lois and Carl seem to enjoy telling the world all about their "disgusting family." Now that's an eyebrow-raiser. I don't think I've even heard anything that rude from Miranda. But for Ginger to say that, even out of anger, is just so out-of-character. Now, I get that Ginger is probably humiliated beyond belief, seeing as everyone from school is going to hear about this from their parents who watch the news, but what's done is done. Sure it's a little weird for Lois to have no qualms about the mold problem, but she is right--everyone is going to find out anyway, whether she wants them to or not. But this is about Ginger, and about her humiliation-turned-rage to the point where she doesn't even want to share the same house with her "disgusting family" and their "circus act."

Ginger, don't let Milty make you feel like your family is a bunch of slobs. Well, Carl is, but that's irrelevant. Your house is not filthy. Remember Lois's personal bathroom in Kiss and Make Up? That place was immaculate. Black mold isn't always something you can avoid, especially when it's nestled behind your bathroom wall where you'd actually have to pry the tiles away to get to it.

Courtney comes by to offer her condolences, as well as her newly-renovated guest wing for the Foutleys to stay until they get their house cleaned. Lois politely turns down the offer, but Ginger accepts. It's funny how Ginger is defying her mom while unintentionally punishing herself by not staying with Dodie. Ahh, who am I kidding? Ginger is staying over Courtney Gripling's house for a few days! I wonder why Dodie isn't in an excitement-induced coma from this super-important event...

At the Gripling McMansion, Courtney leads Ginger to her room--some ugly "modern chateau" that looks stark and sterile. Why have all that space for just a bed and ottoman? So lifeless. So boring. Where's the plush? Where's the pizazz? Perhaps it's just not my style but, I'd feel like I was sleeping in a warehouse.

I'd make this room into my own personal gym-slash-dance studio.

Courtney mentions that this room is only part of the wing--it includes a whole bunch of other rooms that are honestly better off being turned into apartment units. What a waste of space. Is this what rich people do when they don't know what to do with their money? Build a big ass house attached to their giant ass house? Does the east wing have a huge ass house with its own indoor pool? I'd like to live there. Because indoor pools are awesome. Anyway, Ginger quickly becomes bored when Courtney leaves to do Courtney things--another surprising out-of-character quality. You'd think Courtney would be like a lion to a warthog considering her female boner for Ginger.

Lois thanks Joanne for letting her stay in the den, but Joanne looks obviously uncomfortable, especially when she shows Lois where the bathroom is, boasting it for not having "a spore in sight." Fucking bitch. That's it--I'm going to slap her. I will climb through this computer screen and beat the shit out of her. If Lois wasn't so civil, I'm pretty sure she'd gather Carl, her things, and tell Joanne to fuck off. Seriously, what is this woman's problem? Even if it was Lois's fault for the mold, you don't say something like that to someone. Lois tries to tell Joanne that the mold had been growing before she even bought the house, but Joanne dismisses it. And then, when Lois asks if she can help with dinner, Joanne flat-out tells her no, as if Lois is going to spread her mold all over their nice, clean kitchen. In fact, she probably should, just so Joanne gets a taste of the spores in which she spawned from. Why did Joanne even agree to let Lois stay in her house in the first place? Out of guilt? Certainly not out of pity. What a cunt.

Clean mirror you got there... do you spend all your free time cleaning your house so people won't see how filthy your soul is?

I must say though, if Lois claims that the mold had been growing before she even bought the house, why didn't she ever get the house inspected? That should be the first thing you do when you buy a house. Inspectors check for things like this to make sure that their clients aren't walking into a disaster. And secondly, if the mold has been growing for 15+ years, wouldn't it have done much more damage by now? And wouldn't everyone walking into the Foutley house smell the mold, especially if it was capable to sticking to random spots on the wall? It wouldn't just cause a problem so abruptly like that. Either Lois is straight-up talking out of her ass or this is some mystical, magical mold that follows its own rules outside the realm of biology.

Carl finds that life in the Bishop household sucks the fun out of everyone, as Hoodsey is too busy with his homework to play with him.

Ginger waits for dinner to begin while wearing one of Courtney's ball gowns, awkwardly talking to Mr. Gripling, whose first appearance is in the form of a telephone call. After dinner, the Griplings gather around to do independent reading in front of the fire. Booooooring. If they're so rich with exciting lives, why don't they offer to take Ginger out? Or why doesn't Courtney do something fun with Ginger? I'm sure there's tons of stuff to do in that house. Like take a dip in their indoor pool. Now, I'm pretty sure rich people don't act as stiff as the Griplings, but, come on! They have a guest in their house--it's rather rude of them to not entertain. Or maybe the show is just trying to downplay the rich and fabulous lifestyle. Fancy outfits at dinner? Independent reading in front of the fire? Nah. Just a cheap stereotype.

The doorbell rings. A delivery guy drops off Ginger's journal (sent by Lois). That night, Ginger spends time watching the news report from earlier that day while writing in her mold-free journal. After realizing how loving (and totally not embarrassing) her family's antics are, she realizes that she should have stuck with them all along, instead of storming off in a humiliating hissy fit. So, Ginger trades her gowns for gruel (I don't know, it sounds like a cool metaphor), as she hitches a ride in the Gripling limo to the Bishops' house. Everyone is surprised to see her come in, especially Lois.

Ginger apologizes for calling them a circus act, and realizes that having a circus act for a family is much more interesting than spending five minutes with Courtney Gripling. And then Lois and Ginger hug. D'aww.

Hmm, this episode ends too abruptly. Oh well, the point came across. Have your house inspected before you move your crap in.



Lessons Learned From This Episode: having mold in your house is totally your fault 100% of the time; the Griplings are the most boring family (rich or not) on the face of the Earth.