Season 2, Episode 26: "Sibling Revile-ry"

Ooh, a Carl-centered episode! I love it when the show focuses on him.

Ginger won the student council election by a massive landslide, and everyone who she passes congratulates her on her totally rad speech. Most of Ginger's speech apparently was about how she plans on improving the school's "penal system" and similar jibber-jabber. Booooring. I wonder what Carl is up to.

Carl and Hoodsey are at the aquarium, and they inquire about the status of a baby whale, Baby Elsa, who was rescued from starvation. So, this was the only place for her to go to ensure her life.

She has her very own pirate ship, too!

Carl and Hoodsey feel awful that there are so many starving baby animals in the world, and want to do something about it. I do, too! Poor things. Carl smells Blake's cologne, Eau de Pompous, from several feet away and asks him what he's doing spying on them. Blake had assumed that Carl and Hoodsey were planning yet another scheme and that he's willing to help, but Carl tells him that they aren't planning anything, at least not yet. And then they leave.

That's how this episode starts out? Two boring expositions? This isn't how you draw people in, writers.

Ginger proposes her idea for a Big Brother/Big Sister program for the delinquents at the junior high school, instead of having students just be sent to detention, and Principal Milty couldn't be more thrilled. Oh, that just sounds like it's doomed to fail. Hey, wait, maybe I'm just not paying close enough attention to this show, but how is Milty both Carl and Ginger's principals when they go to different schools? Whatever. Anyway, Milty gobbles up Ginger's idea, psyched about the possibility of the bathrooms no longer smelling like weed and fewer blood stains on the floors from all those fights over Ian Richton... and how about barbed wire near that famous wall that borders the high school? I bet he'd love that! Nah, he's just excited about all the free time he'll now have to whack golf balls around. I guess because he doesn't have any other responsibilities.

In order to provide the ocean with more whale nourishment, Carl gets a bright idea to take giant seaweed-cauliflower hybrid plants from his disqualified underwater vegetable garden project and flush them down the toilet. He believes this to be a completely original way to feed all the adorable whales because all toilets lead straight into the ocean. Riiiiight. Even if that did work, I'm not sure Willy would appreciate the extra spice of raw sewage and shit mixed in with his seaweed dinner.

"You gotta trust the master, Hoods."

Overnight, the septic tank can't handle the pressure of processing all those rotten vegetables and gunk, so it becomes clogged to the point where the seaweed breaks through and rises to the surface like a vegetable zombie outbreak. The next morning, green slime bursts through the blacktop in geysers, and the entire playground turns into what I can only describe as Shrek's organic spa resort.

Okay, I'll buy that the seaweed clogged the septic tank and caused it to burst. What doesn't make sense is the damn World War Z (or should I say World War S) that erupted as a result of it. I know school toilets have impressively powerful flushes, but they shouldn't have been able to suck down all that so easily. And I'm pretty sure that septic tank sludge cannot break through solid concrete.

Carl and Hoodsey sit back while Mrs. Gordon rips them each a new asshole, and decides that no punishment she can dish out will be enough to teach them a lesson. Meanwhile, everyone else is sitting painfully holding their bladders, as none of the toilets work anymore. Blake, on the other hand, doesn't have to suffer because he brought his own damn personal mini bathroom to class.

The little shit probably won't even let anyone else use it.

As a way to avoid boring ole detention, Carl mentions the Big Sibling program at the junior high, and suggests that he and Hoodsey get one. Mrs. Gordon likes this idea, and decides to sign them up, provided that the junior high school takes care of all the paperwork.

Ginger finds out that Carl will be part of the program, but she's certain that she's got this in the bag. It's kind of funny that she's not the least bit surprised that he was swooped up by the program so quickly. But her confidence quickly turns to anger when she learns that Carl actually recommended the program to Mrs. Gordon and was sure to cruise on by because he assumed Ginger would go easy on him. In retaliation, Ginger tells him that she's going to assign the toughest piece of beef she can find: George Magrority, a former sergeant at Darren's military academy (I think that's where he's from; the show doesn't make it clear) with an impressive five-page resume.

This guy looks like he wants to rip you a new asshole.

George comes to the Foutley house for dinner to meet the family, and has this weird obsession with blowing his whistle at Carl's little infractions. The thing is, he doesn't really seem that threatening. In fact, he seems more nagging and annoying. He calls Carl out on his smart-ass comments, and tells him to ask how Lois's day was, and that's kind of it, but, I don't know... I just think it takes more than military experience and whistle-blowing to transform a Carl.

"So, how'z about we get you into Boy Scouts?"

Ginger and Lois are loving the way George is babying Carl--telling him to chew properly, volunteering him to do the dishes... but if anything, this will just make Carl hate structured authority even more. He's not a bad kid; he just has bad judgment.

Carl already can't take the coddling, so he tries to bribe Ginger with an all-access pass to his doghouse in exchange for getting rid of George. He even goes as far as to offer to share his petrified eyeball with her. Ginger isn't budging, so Carl naturally gets pissed and leaves.

Dodie and Macie ask if George has had a positive influence on Carl yet, and also mention that students at the junior high have been purposely getting into trouble so that their older "siblings" could do cool stuff for them like give them discounts and drive them to school. It doesn't really make sense, though. I assumed that only the constant troublemakers would be getting these siblings, but apparently, one slip-up is all it takes. So, wait, every time some kid sneezes incorrectly they get assigned a "sibling?" How unnecessary. Ginger is bewildered by this news, as she didn't think this would happen.

In a desperate attempt to get George off his back, Carl threatens to blackmail Ginger with embarrassing naked baby pictures of her and post them all over school. Really, Carl? Is that the best you can do?

Ginger almost cracks, but then gets this glint in her eye like she was suddenly struck with the stone of confidence. She marches up to Carl and very threateningly tells him to go ahead and do it, but because since she's a "politician" now, people will soon forget about the pictures (AHAHAHAHA!!!) and he will soon be engulfed with the guilt of blackmailing his "own flesh and blood." Damn, that was devious of you, Ginger. Not to mention completely out of character. What makes you think that people will forget about your naked baby butt just because you're a "politician," as you so freely referred to yourself as? If anything, they'll remember it more because you're more relevant around school now. Either you've actually learned from past episodes or the writers have completely screwed up your character traits. Whatever it is, Carl backs down. Probably because he'd rather not blow up and post several pictures of his naked sister that he'd have to see several times a day.

George has completely cleaned, deodorized, sanitized, and George-ized Carl's room (and by George-ized, I mean he has like ten photos of himself lined up on Carl's desk) to the point where it's becoming incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch. Okay, so, I get that this guy is just trying to keep Carl in line by making him organized and all, but this guy just comes off as such an anal-retentive asshole. He doesn't seem like he has any interest in helping Carl, but rather wants to control him like his own little army soldier. This program is supposed to be helping students become better people, but for George it's a power-trip candy store, and Carl is the half-price gummy bears. Like, isn't this picture Carl is holding below really just highlighting what an egotistical megalomaniac George is? Why else would George put out so many photos of himself?

Perhaps George wants Carl to remember him fondly.

Carl tries to pull a cop out by pretending to be all, "Oh, George, your fine instruction has inspired me to become an upstanding student," but George is totally onto him. Come on, Carl, you're a smart kid. Tell this guy how you really feel. And without any nasty pranks. That's how you wound up with this guy in the first place. So, after George tells Carl to go to bed (at 8:00 at night, I might add), Carl pulls out his walkie-talkie and calls Hoodsey for an emergency meeting in the doghouse. And then when they get to the doghouse, look who happens to be there:

Carl rightfully gets pissed that George is basically helicoptering him, but George just tells him that when he takes on a project, he makes it his life. Not only that, but George speculates that the root of all of Carl's "evil" stems from the doghouse, and tells him that tomorrow morning, he and Carl are going to be taking it down. And that should be the cue for Carl to pick up the phone and call 9-1-1. That is not cool, man. That's basically stalking.

Carl tries to complain to Ginger, but she just thinks he's being over-dramatic. She does make a point that Carl wanted to be in the program, but of course this wasn't what he expected from it. Carl backlashes by saying that the program isn't helping him, despite Ginger's insistence that it is. And even more, Carl tells Ginger that he would understand if she wanted to keep George around if she thought the program was working, but she's only keeping him around to prove that the program isn't failing. This is absolutely true, because Ginger knows that Carl hasn't changed since "employing" George, and she doesn't want to make herself look bad by admitting she was wrong.

The thing is, though, is that Carl never outright tells Ginger about all the belittling and babying and obsessive behavior from George. Ginger only knows what she saw of George at the dinner table (and on his resume). Not only that, but Ginger should be keeping tabs on all the "siblings" who are looking after the young troublemakers to make sure that they are being helped. Instead, Ginger had to hear that these other kids are being handed free stuff and being treated like royalty--from her best friends. That should have been a red flag, and a reason for her to overhaul the program. But she did nothing about it. She just wants to prove that she's right by ignoring everything that's failing and pretending it's Carl's fault. Hmm, maybe Ginger really is more of a politician than I thought.

Look at how angrily Ginger squirted that mustard on her sandwich. That shows a lot of pent-up anger and regret. 

The next day at school, some girl comes up to Ginger and outright tells her that she plans on getting herself into trouble and hopes Ginger can hook her up with a high school hottie as her "brother," but Ginger tells her to screw off and runs into the bathroom to self-reflect. If that's not a sign that her program is indeed a failure, I don't know what is.

The lesson is pretty much being pounded into our heads at this point when another random girl comes up to Ginger and asks if she can be paired up with a popular girl from the high school. As the girl walks out, she boasts about how this is the first time she's ever done anything bad, all thanks to the program. Okay, we get it, now. The program is failing harder and faster than the American education system. Ginger finally admits this, and realizes that her "persuasion" tactics should not be a substitute for actual punishment. Take that, liberal agenda!

Ginger walks into Principal Milty's office to talk to him, only to find that the lights are off and he's sitting at his desk with a puss on his face. Why? With no students to punish, there's nothing left for him to do. Nothing for him to do? What the hell? He's the freaking principal. There's tons of stuff he should be doing. If the superintendent came in to see this shit, he'd flip his lid. Nothing for him to do! I did a quick Internet search and found some information on the Bureau of Labor Statistics website; here is the job of a principal:

Elementary, middle, and high school principals are responsible for managing all school operations. They manage daily school activities, coordinate curricula, and oversee teachers and other school staff to provide a safe and productive learning environment for students (BLS, 2014).

So, for Milty to say that he and the staff are bored because there are no more students to punish, reprimand, and humiliate (yes, he said humiliate!), then he needs to get his ancient ass fired. No wonder the school has such a horrible discipline problem. Imagine if all Obama did was oversee the judicial system, and ignored everything else: didn't make any speeches, didn't pass any new laws... The country would throw itself into fucking chaos. Productivity would crash, people would go apeshit, there'd be riots, anarchy, and a complete breakdown of society. This is pretty much what's going on in the junior high school. Turn on the damn lights, Milty and do your fucking job like the grown ass man you're supposed to be.

Pathetic. He should carry around a potted plant to replace all the oxygen he's wasted for saying such bullshit. 

Carl and Hoodsey attempt to lose George by hiding out in the recycling bins (how original), but George ends up catching them anyway. Oh, come on! This brown-nosing creep puts Batman to shame with how closely he follows this poor kid.

George is all ready to tear down Carl's doghouse, but when Carl and Hoodsey try to make a run for it, George successfully guilt-trips Carl, who reluctantly agrees to let George demolish the doghouse--all to spare Ginger's program. Hoodsey, on the other hand, collapses in agony, and there's a slow-motion frame of him pounding his fist to the ground while yelling "Nooooooo!" But then Mrs. Gordon comes out and tells George that they pulled the plug on the program, so Carl is finally free. Naturally, you'd think George would slink away while grumbling "Curses!" under his breath, but he continues to grip his reigns on Carl by telling him, "Next time you think of doing something bad, think of me!" Oh God. That was just so corny and unnecessary. Sometimes I forget that this is a Nickelodeon show. Go back to your military school, you power-hungry nerd.

As real punishment, Carl and Hoodsey must clean up the seaweed muck from the blacktop, though they actually enjoy it. But wait, why wasn't that cleaned up already? Did the hazmat crew just stop by for a moment and then leave? Was all that gook just sitting there for a week or so? That is so unhygienic. I fear for the safety of the Lucky district--but that's probably why they're named such: educational anarchy, bio-hazards, principals who don't do shit... the Lucky district is lucky that they haven't been shut down yet.

Ginger cries in the kitchen that her program had to be shut down, but Lois assures her that it was a good try, even though it was a big, fat failure. And then Carl comes in to tell Ginger that he was willing to stay with George just to keep her program going. Because he is a good brother. And, just like his plan to feed the whales, Ginger had good intentions. And you know, he's right. Of course Ginger never meant to encourage students to get in trouble so that they'd get paired with popular high school students; it just happened from (extremely) poor planning. It was a good try, and I commend Ginger for trying to do something good for the school, even though abolishing punishment in favor of persuasion is just asking for trouble.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: don't flush things down the toilet that are not meant for the toilet; just because you have good intentions, it doesn't mean your ideas will be good too.