Hi, everyone. It's great to be back. I hope you didn't miss me too much.
Again, I feel just plain awful for abandoning this project without even so much as a goodbye note, and that's a pretty shitty thing to do. It's like hanging out with your best friends one day, and then disappearing off the face of the Earth the next. Like, what gives, right? But, as stated in yesterday's post, I promised that I'd have a new review up today, and will be returning to the original schedule of posting a new review every Monday (or Sunday night if I plan accordingly). So, here you go:
The episode opens in the junior high school gym class. The kids are about to begin a game of volleyball, but for some reason, Miranda and Courtney are fighting over who should have Ginger on their team. Why would Miranda want Ginger on the same side of the fence as her, anyway? Even Courtney makes a point that she hates Ginger, which Miranda freely admits. Well, she tells Courtney that Ginger is the damn Venus Williams of volleyball and Courtney isn't, but I still don't understand why someone would choose an athletic enemy over their best friend for gym class volleyball. Oh, why am I questioning it? You all should know why by now.
Anyway, Ginger winds up stuck with Miranda, much to Courtney's dismay. And poof, there goes Courtney and Miranda's friendship.
Carl and Hoodsey ogle a four-hundred-dollar lie detector machine in a shop window, but them kids is po'. I wonder what happened to all the money they made with their little entrepreneur adventures: the vampire cleaning service, the food stand outside their school, the dog training... ah, who am I kidding? They must have blown it all on fake dog poo and small body organs. Because fuck candy. Anyway, they declare that they're going to raise the money. Let's see what they conjure up this time.
At the Gripling McMansion, Winston and Mrs. Gripling gush over the fact that Mrs. Gripling will be a shoo-in as the President of the Protected Pines Charity Club Committee. My, that's a mouthful. Let's just call it the PPPCCC. It sounds like a computer about to spontaneously combust. Suddenly, some skirt named Euphrasia walks in and is like, "Oh, I hope I'm not too late to run for PPPCCC." And she seems really boastful about it too, especially when she shoves a big, fat resume into the ballot box highlighting all the handjobs she's given to get that high up.
Euphrasia runs off with a toodle-loo because she has "soup kitchen duty" to attend to. Well, looks like we have some competition.
At lunch, Dodie, Macie, and Darren tell an exciting anecdote about how all of Courtney's friends took her side, and that Ginger might have to be forced to choose between Courtney and Miranda. Ooh, what a tough choice. Dodie's like, "You know this is all your fault." But Ginger replies that she didn't have anything to do with their fight, which is half-true, because the fight was about her. But Ginger doesn't really give a crap about choosing sides because really--how hard is it to choose between a snake and a Courtney?
So, because Miranda and Courtney are still in their fight, they make it official by not sitting together at lunch. Courtney grabs the last open seat she can find, leaving Miranda to scour the crowd for an empty chair. Look at it; it's like an olympic event because all eyes are now on Miranda. And the little fuckers all smile a condescending smile, too, like they were waiting for this very day to happen. I'm sure if this show took place in 2015, everyone would have their phones out to take pictures and videos of this moment.
Dodie provides some excellent commentary, such as how Miranda tries to stall her humiliation by pretending to get condiments as she figures out her next move. But Ginger still doesn't give a shit, and that's the way it should be. You would think, "Oh, but I feel sort of sorry for her," but if you've watched this show as long as I have, you should understand why I give no mercy to this girl. Watch what Miranda does after Darren picks up and leaves to avoid the girl drama (Darren, you jerk!):
What a class-A bitch. The nerve this girl has! If I was Ginger, I'd tell Miranda to get her ass out of that chair and invite that blonde girl pushed away to sit with me. Alternatively, I'd get up, walk to the other side of the cafeteria, and eat standing up if I had to. Nobody, especially Ginger, should have to put up with that. But she does. Which pisses me off. Look, even Dodie can't believe what just happened.
Winston is so upset over the possibility of Euphrasia winning the presidency that Mrs. Gripling winds up driving herself around Protected Pines. Jeez, what a drama queen. Or is it king? Whatever.
Mrs. Gripling has no intention of losing, so she plots to "adopt" a destitute child in order to fatten up her resume. Kind of like how Mr. Warbucks took little orphan Annie in in the best musical of all time, Annie. Yes, even he was only doing it for his image. Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey have a better idea of how to get the lie detector machine. They rush back to the store to buy it on layaway. They plan to put five dollars a week towards the machine so that they can finally pay it off within 80 weeks, which is well over a year. Hoodsey finds a dollar in a sewage drain and reaches down to get it, all while Mrs. Gripling and Winston rush down that very same street.
Ginger is pulled in by Darren's concerns about being forced to choose between Miranda and Courtney, and decides to start worrying about it. Aw, man. You were doing so well, Ginger! It was nice knowing you. Courtney comes up to Ginger and has apparently heard that she invited Miranda to sit with her at lunch, and is hoping it doesn't mean that Ginger is cheating on Courtney. (Oh come on, that's pretty much what it sounds like!) Then, Miranda comes up and acts all sweet towards Ginger, flaring up the "fight" between them. Ginger tries to tell them that Miranda sitting with Ginger wasn't her idea and yeesh... I think I need to sit down for a moment. There's only so much junior high drama I can take at nine in the morning. And I'm a morning person!
Ginger still refuses to take sides, but she inadvertently sides with Miranda when she tells Courtney that she didn't necessarily revolt the idea of being chosen for Miranda's side during volleyball, saying that it was Miranda's turn to choose, anyway. If you're lost right now, think of it this way: as it currently stands, Ginger accidentally "sides" with Miranda and Courtney gets insulted. Courtney still forgives Ginger, but in retaliation, decides to find a new sidekick among all her followers. Miranda does the same, and picks Ginger.
After the commercial break, Miranda tries to cover her ass by saying she never actually hated Ginger, just disliked her intensely, which is the same fucking thing, but naive Ginger doesn't notice that Miranda is just suffering the effects of rejection, and only picked Ginger as her "best friend" to make Courtney jealous. Not to mention, Miranda tries to guilt-trip Ginger by saying that this whole ordeal was her fault because she stuck up for Miranda instead of Courtney. Wait, what? What the hell? So, Miranda didn't want Ginger to side with her? Then why did she fight for her? And she was the one who picked Ginger personally to be her "best friend" and now is obligated to give her loyalty to her and... you know what, this is why boys don't understand girls. Miranda lies about her own feelings to make it seem like she's not actually butthurt and makes herself the victim so that Ginger would feel sorry for her. Okay, can we please cut to the PPPCCC sub-plot already? My brain hurts.
Ahh, here we go. Mrs. Gripling asks that one of the boys pose as a poor orphan so that the country club will see her being super generous. In return, Mrs. Gripling offers to give the boys the money for the lie detector machine. Other people call this "cheating," but the Griplings call it "cunning." So, by that logic, if Mrs. Gripling is fucking another man, she's "cunning?" Are you sure you don't mean "coming?" No? Okay, good. Nice to know Mrs. Gripling is beyond infidelity.
And, of course, we find out that Miranda successfully hypnotized Ginger into feeling sorry for her. Even Dodie--stupid, stupid Dodie--finds this news atrocious coming out of Ginger's mouth. But Ginger's like, "Guys, put yourself in her place. All of a sudden, she's friendless." And then Macie spits out some truth serum like, "Maybe there's a reason for that. Nobody likes her."
Hellz yeah. But, Nickelodeon has this rule, see. No matter how much of a bitch someone is, they're not allowed to receive any long-term karma. Disney Channel does this, too. I don't know what it is; it probably has to do with the "always do the right thing" mantra, but letting someone control your feelings and walking all over you is absolutely not the right thing to do. I'm not saying that Ginger shouldn't feel bad for Miranda not having friends, but she should realize that there is a deep-rooted reason for it. Miranda has abandonment issues that have been going on since before the series began, causing her to act this way. Instead of trying to push through a fake friendship with her, try to help her become a better person so that she can make and keep real friends. That would be a better solution.
Up in Ginger's room, Miranda tells the girls a story about how a prank she pulled caused a girl so much humiliation that she had to transfer schools. Miranda finds this high-larious, but not the trio. Dodie tells Miranda that she shouldn't speak ill of others, and Miranda pulls this face, with a rattlesnake sound effect in the background:
Ginger suggests that Miranda should try being nicer, but Miranda's like, "I've never done that before." And Macie's like, "Not even to your mom and dad?" to which Miranda barks back, "You got a problem with that?" Ohhhhkay. Looks like we've got a future guest on Maury. Have you ever seen those special Maury episodes with those out-of-control teenage girls? I can totally see Miranda being on the show as a pregnant 15-year-old who's two steps away from juvy. So, as an exercise, Ginger tries to get Miranda to say something nice, and the best Miranda can come up with is, "Your bedroom isn't nearly as lame as I thought it would be." Weeeeee.
Back at the Gripling McMansion, Hoodsey is dressed in a nerdy nautical ensemble while preparing some fake lines with Blake. Because, you know, the "destitute" don't know how to act poor enough. What could Hoodsey possibly say, "Oh, sleeping on two-hundred thread count sheets makes for an unpleasant sleep?" The country clubbers would stick their noses in the air and say, "Poor people cannot possibly afford sheets, you liar."
Lois pulls up to take Ginger home from school, along with Dodie and Macie. Naturally, Miranda saunters up and tells Macie and Dodie, "If we all don't fit, you two can just take the bus." And then when they all get into the car, Miranda kicks Ginger's seat and asks her to push the seat up so she has more room. You know Ginger, the four of you could just ride the bus together. Or you could tell Miranda to GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S CAR AND WALK HOME.
The country club eats up Hoodsey's lame story about how Mrs. Gripling decided to sponsor him for being so poor, and do I have to say how pathetic this is? And how would this news not get back to Hoodsey's parents? I'm sure Joanne would have a field day knowing that her son is being exploited for votes. The camera pans over to Euphrasia, who has a skeptical look on her face. She knows what's up.
Blake invites Carl for a swim, and Carl learns that Blake gets to keep all this fancy stuff that he rents out (like rich people towels) just by signing the Gripling name. And then Carl gets an idea. He tells this to Hoodsey, who thinks it's a bad idea (of course). And then Winston comes over to announce that Mrs. Gripling has won the presidency. Winston hands them a personal check with a bonus: permanent membership under the Gripling name. Fancy. Carl gets all weak in the knees. It's like being rich, without actually having money. And then some butler comes over to deliver complimentary desserts to the boys. Oh, now Hoodsey thinks it's a good idea!
Miranda calls Ginger in the middle of the night because she can't sleep. Ginger's like, "What do you want me to do about it?" in a super groggy voice. And then Miranda freaking asks her to read a magazine to her, and when Ginger says she doesn't have one, she tells Ginger to tell her all her hopes and dreams. Hey, Ginger, I have an idea: tell Miranda about that "dream" you have that Miranda gets eaten by a school of piranhas! That ought to shut her up. But what does Ginger do? Tell Miranda her hopes and dreams, like the good little doormat she is.
As Hoodsey and Carl work on their tan, Blake comes over and asks if they want to go drive golf carts around with them--"moving vehicles that require neither a driver's license or adult supervision." But the boys are like, "Nahh." Aww... I want to drive around in a golf cart... provided I don't actually have to play golf. It's so fun riding around in them when I play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Those things are practically indestructible.
The next morning, Ginger learns that Miranda had bothered Dodie and Macie in the middle of the night as well. Darren had been listening the whole time at the window and comes up with the conclusion that Miranda made it so that none of the girls could sleep. Ginger becomes confused, and right as she's about to admit what a simultaneous nosebleed and menstruation on a wedding dress she is, Miranda climbs up the side of Ginger's house, pulls Darren off, and climbs into Ginger's room, "offended" that she wasn't invited to their "meeting." And thank goodness she's naturally suspicious, otherwise she would have missed the whole thing. KICK HER OUT, GINGER. KICK THIS GIRL OUT RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME? STOP. BEING. A. DOORMAT!!!
Ginger can't take it anymore, so she goes to Lois to get advice. She tells Lois that she feels like she owes Miranda this big ole friendship just because she happened to agree with Miranda for this one rarer-than-pandas-in-the-wild incident. But Lois is onto Ginger. She knows that the only reason why Ginger is Miranda's "friend" is so that she and the girls could "boss her around for a change," even though there hasn't been any bossing-around going on at all. Ginger doesn't know how to be assertive; Miranda's the one who does, and she's doing all the butting in. What have Ginger, Dodie, and Macie done to suggest that they're bossing Miranda around? Nothing, as far as I can see. So why do I feel like this episode doesn't even know itself?
At the store one night, some mystery man buys the lie detector machine Hoodsey and Carl have been eyeing.
As it turns out, Carl and Hoodsey are having so much fun living the Gripling lifestyle that they had forgotten to buy the machine. Whoopsie-daisy!
Ginger and Lois's talk has given Ginger the courage to tell Miranda off, but when Ginger goes to finally stand up to her, Miranda announces that they are getting 14-karat gold friendship bracelets in order to one-up Courtney and Mipsy's sterling silver ones. Scandalous! Ginger literally shakes in fear of having their "friendship" be permanent via bracelet (I'm actually laughing about this).
So, Ginger goes to her friends (real friends, that is) and tells them that they have to get Courtney and Miranda to make up. Dodie actually reveals that they can't just outright tell Miranda that they don't want to be friends with them, otherwise Miranda will twist what they say and make it work in favor of her. Okay, I can believe that. See, with shows like this, characters actually have to come right out and explain the paradoxes, otherwise we will have to believe that Miranda actually does want to be Ginger's friend. It's Nickelodeon. It's a rule. Besides, unrealistic "right thing to do" solutions always fly on this show, so it wouldn't work in the show to just have Miranda be friendless. Because that's just not right.
Fake friends who abandon you over silly arguments > no friends at all. Gotcha.
But because Miranda is desperate for friends (Dodie said it!), Ginger gets an idea.
Carl and Hoodsey are so stress-free that they didn't even prepare for their test on the Louisiana Purchase.
And thus, behind the eraser eye-masks and tropical background music, they realize they forgot to buy the lie detector machine. The last used one in town. New ones cost thousands. Oh well, sorry boys. Guess you learned an important lesson here. Until next episode, of course.
When Ginger goes into the bathroom to congratulate Courtney on the friendship bracelets being made for her and Mipsy (???) Courtney reveals that it was just a rumor to piss off Miranda and get her crawling back to her. Ginger tips Courtney off with a little rumor of her own, saying Miranda has decided to transfer schools. Courtney's like, "Oh, but then I'll have to transfer schools! Maybe I should just apologize." And then Miranda comes out of the stall and is all, "I forgive you! Hugs!" And they hug. Well, okay then. That works, I guess? I mean, it is junior high after all...
So, it turns out Hoodsey is a patient of Euphrasia's husband (a doctor), which means she is able to get Hoodsey's medical history and parents' financial information, which means he's not "destitute" after all. And Mrs. Gripling's presidency is revoked. And thus, Winston is devastated. Get a room. Or your own soap opera, you crybaby.
As for the check, the boys have to give it back. According to Hoodsey, God sent them a message that it's the right thing to do. Well, isn't that kind of testing the limits there, Nickelodeon?
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Having fake friends who will drop you like a bad habit is better than having real friends who will stay by your side through thick and thin; it's okay to be a doormat; living the rich life is only good when you're not trying to buy a used lie detector machine.
Man, these lessons learned are starting to sound passive-aggressive.
Again, I feel just plain awful for abandoning this project without even so much as a goodbye note, and that's a pretty shitty thing to do. It's like hanging out with your best friends one day, and then disappearing off the face of the Earth the next. Like, what gives, right? But, as stated in yesterday's post, I promised that I'd have a new review up today, and will be returning to the original schedule of posting a new review every Monday (or Sunday night if I plan accordingly). So, here you go:
The episode opens in the junior high school gym class. The kids are about to begin a game of volleyball, but for some reason, Miranda and Courtney are fighting over who should have Ginger on their team. Why would Miranda want Ginger on the same side of the fence as her, anyway? Even Courtney makes a point that she hates Ginger, which Miranda freely admits. Well, she tells Courtney that Ginger is the damn Venus Williams of volleyball and Courtney isn't, but I still don't understand why someone would choose an athletic enemy over their best friend for gym class volleyball. Oh, why am I questioning it? You all should know why by now.
Carl and Hoodsey ogle a four-hundred-dollar lie detector machine in a shop window, but them kids is po'. I wonder what happened to all the money they made with their little entrepreneur adventures: the vampire cleaning service, the food stand outside their school, the dog training... ah, who am I kidding? They must have blown it all on fake dog poo and small body organs. Because fuck candy. Anyway, they declare that they're going to raise the money. Let's see what they conjure up this time.
Euphrasia runs off with a toodle-loo because she has "soup kitchen duty" to attend to. Well, looks like we have some competition.
At lunch, Dodie, Macie, and Darren tell an exciting anecdote about how all of Courtney's friends took her side, and that Ginger might have to be forced to choose between Courtney and Miranda. Ooh, what a tough choice. Dodie's like, "You know this is all your fault." But Ginger replies that she didn't have anything to do with their fight, which is half-true, because the fight was about her. But Ginger doesn't really give a crap about choosing sides because really--how hard is it to choose between a snake and a Courtney?
So, because Miranda and Courtney are still in their fight, they make it official by not sitting together at lunch. Courtney grabs the last open seat she can find, leaving Miranda to scour the crowd for an empty chair. Look at it; it's like an olympic event because all eyes are now on Miranda. And the little fuckers all smile a condescending smile, too, like they were waiting for this very day to happen. I'm sure if this show took place in 2015, everyone would have their phones out to take pictures and videos of this moment.
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| "Miranda Killgallen, age twelve, scans the lunchroom for an empty seat. There must be total silence so we can hear the discomfort and humiliation clawing their way up her throat." |
Dodie provides some excellent commentary, such as how Miranda tries to stall her humiliation by pretending to get condiments as she figures out her next move. But Ginger still doesn't give a shit, and that's the way it should be. You would think, "Oh, but I feel sort of sorry for her," but if you've watched this show as long as I have, you should understand why I give no mercy to this girl. Watch what Miranda does after Darren picks up and leaves to avoid the girl drama (Darren, you jerk!):
What a class-A bitch. The nerve this girl has! If I was Ginger, I'd tell Miranda to get her ass out of that chair and invite that blonde girl pushed away to sit with me. Alternatively, I'd get up, walk to the other side of the cafeteria, and eat standing up if I had to. Nobody, especially Ginger, should have to put up with that. But she does. Which pisses me off. Look, even Dodie can't believe what just happened.
Winston is so upset over the possibility of Euphrasia winning the presidency that Mrs. Gripling winds up driving herself around Protected Pines. Jeez, what a drama queen. Or is it king? Whatever.
Mrs. Gripling has no intention of losing, so she plots to "adopt" a destitute child in order to fatten up her resume. Kind of like how Mr. Warbucks took little orphan Annie in in the best musical of all time, Annie. Yes, even he was only doing it for his image. Meanwhile, Carl and Hoodsey have a better idea of how to get the lie detector machine. They rush back to the store to buy it on layaway. They plan to put five dollars a week towards the machine so that they can finally pay it off within 80 weeks, which is well over a year. Hoodsey finds a dollar in a sewage drain and reaches down to get it, all while Mrs. Gripling and Winston rush down that very same street.
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Ginger still refuses to take sides, but she inadvertently sides with Miranda when she tells Courtney that she didn't necessarily revolt the idea of being chosen for Miranda's side during volleyball, saying that it was Miranda's turn to choose, anyway. If you're lost right now, think of it this way: as it currently stands, Ginger accidentally "sides" with Miranda and Courtney gets insulted. Courtney still forgives Ginger, but in retaliation, decides to find a new sidekick among all her followers. Miranda does the same, and picks Ginger.
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| "What?" - Ginger |
Ahh, here we go. Mrs. Gripling asks that one of the boys pose as a poor orphan so that the country club will see her being super generous. In return, Mrs. Gripling offers to give the boys the money for the lie detector machine. Other people call this "cheating," but the Griplings call it "cunning." So, by that logic, if Mrs. Gripling is fucking another man, she's "cunning?" Are you sure you don't mean "coming?" No? Okay, good. Nice to know Mrs. Gripling is beyond infidelity.
And, of course, we find out that Miranda successfully hypnotized Ginger into feeling sorry for her. Even Dodie--stupid, stupid Dodie--finds this news atrocious coming out of Ginger's mouth. But Ginger's like, "Guys, put yourself in her place. All of a sudden, she's friendless." And then Macie spits out some truth serum like, "Maybe there's a reason for that. Nobody likes her."
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| "You go, Glen Coco!" |
Up in Ginger's room, Miranda tells the girls a story about how a prank she pulled caused a girl so much humiliation that she had to transfer schools. Miranda finds this high-larious, but not the trio. Dodie tells Miranda that she shouldn't speak ill of others, and Miranda pulls this face, with a rattlesnake sound effect in the background:
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| (Hissssssssssssss) |
Ginger suggests that Miranda should try being nicer, but Miranda's like, "I've never done that before." And Macie's like, "Not even to your mom and dad?" to which Miranda barks back, "You got a problem with that?" Ohhhhkay. Looks like we've got a future guest on Maury. Have you ever seen those special Maury episodes with those out-of-control teenage girls? I can totally see Miranda being on the show as a pregnant 15-year-old who's two steps away from juvy. So, as an exercise, Ginger tries to get Miranda to say something nice, and the best Miranda can come up with is, "Your bedroom isn't nearly as lame as I thought it would be." Weeeeee.
Back at the Gripling McMansion, Hoodsey is dressed in a nerdy nautical ensemble while preparing some fake lines with Blake. Because, you know, the "destitute" don't know how to act poor enough. What could Hoodsey possibly say, "Oh, sleeping on two-hundred thread count sheets makes for an unpleasant sleep?" The country clubbers would stick their noses in the air and say, "Poor people cannot possibly afford sheets, you liar."
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| Of course he's poor! Did you not see him fish a dollar out of a sewer? |
Lois pulls up to take Ginger home from school, along with Dodie and Macie. Naturally, Miranda saunters up and tells Macie and Dodie, "If we all don't fit, you two can just take the bus." And then when they all get into the car, Miranda kicks Ginger's seat and asks her to push the seat up so she has more room. You know Ginger, the four of you could just ride the bus together. Or you could tell Miranda to GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S CAR AND WALK HOME.
The country club eats up Hoodsey's lame story about how Mrs. Gripling decided to sponsor him for being so poor, and do I have to say how pathetic this is? And how would this news not get back to Hoodsey's parents? I'm sure Joanne would have a field day knowing that her son is being exploited for votes. The camera pans over to Euphrasia, who has a skeptical look on her face. She knows what's up.
Blake invites Carl for a swim, and Carl learns that Blake gets to keep all this fancy stuff that he rents out (like rich people towels) just by signing the Gripling name. And then Carl gets an idea. He tells this to Hoodsey, who thinks it's a bad idea (of course). And then Winston comes over to announce that Mrs. Gripling has won the presidency. Winston hands them a personal check with a bonus: permanent membership under the Gripling name. Fancy. Carl gets all weak in the knees. It's like being rich, without actually having money. And then some butler comes over to deliver complimentary desserts to the boys. Oh, now Hoodsey thinks it's a good idea!
Miranda calls Ginger in the middle of the night because she can't sleep. Ginger's like, "What do you want me to do about it?" in a super groggy voice. And then Miranda freaking asks her to read a magazine to her, and when Ginger says she doesn't have one, she tells Ginger to tell her all her hopes and dreams. Hey, Ginger, I have an idea: tell Miranda about that "dream" you have that Miranda gets eaten by a school of piranhas! That ought to shut her up. But what does Ginger do? Tell Miranda her hopes and dreams, like the good little doormat she is.
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| Why do people turn on the light to answer the phone? |
As Hoodsey and Carl work on their tan, Blake comes over and asks if they want to go drive golf carts around with them--"moving vehicles that require neither a driver's license or adult supervision." But the boys are like, "Nahh." Aww... I want to drive around in a golf cart... provided I don't actually have to play golf. It's so fun riding around in them when I play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Those things are practically indestructible.
The next morning, Ginger learns that Miranda had bothered Dodie and Macie in the middle of the night as well. Darren had been listening the whole time at the window and comes up with the conclusion that Miranda made it so that none of the girls could sleep. Ginger becomes confused, and right as she's about to admit what a simultaneous nosebleed and menstruation on a wedding dress she is, Miranda climbs up the side of Ginger's house, pulls Darren off, and climbs into Ginger's room, "offended" that she wasn't invited to their "meeting." And thank goodness she's naturally suspicious, otherwise she would have missed the whole thing. KICK HER OUT, GINGER. KICK THIS GIRL OUT RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME? STOP. BEING. A. DOORMAT!!!
Ginger can't take it anymore, so she goes to Lois to get advice. She tells Lois that she feels like she owes Miranda this big ole friendship just because she happened to agree with Miranda for this one rarer-than-pandas-in-the-wild incident. But Lois is onto Ginger. She knows that the only reason why Ginger is Miranda's "friend" is so that she and the girls could "boss her around for a change," even though there hasn't been any bossing-around going on at all. Ginger doesn't know how to be assertive; Miranda's the one who does, and she's doing all the butting in. What have Ginger, Dodie, and Macie done to suggest that they're bossing Miranda around? Nothing, as far as I can see. So why do I feel like this episode doesn't even know itself?
At the store one night, some mystery man buys the lie detector machine Hoodsey and Carl have been eyeing.
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| This scene is set up in such a way that I expected Batman to come crashing through the window. |
As it turns out, Carl and Hoodsey are having so much fun living the Gripling lifestyle that they had forgotten to buy the machine. Whoopsie-daisy!
Ginger and Lois's talk has given Ginger the courage to tell Miranda off, but when Ginger goes to finally stand up to her, Miranda announces that they are getting 14-karat gold friendship bracelets in order to one-up Courtney and Mipsy's sterling silver ones. Scandalous! Ginger literally shakes in fear of having their "friendship" be permanent via bracelet (I'm actually laughing about this).
So, Ginger goes to her friends (real friends, that is) and tells them that they have to get Courtney and Miranda to make up. Dodie actually reveals that they can't just outright tell Miranda that they don't want to be friends with them, otherwise Miranda will twist what they say and make it work in favor of her. Okay, I can believe that. See, with shows like this, characters actually have to come right out and explain the paradoxes, otherwise we will have to believe that Miranda actually does want to be Ginger's friend. It's Nickelodeon. It's a rule. Besides, unrealistic "right thing to do" solutions always fly on this show, so it wouldn't work in the show to just have Miranda be friendless. Because that's just not right.
Fake friends who abandon you over silly arguments > no friends at all. Gotcha.
But because Miranda is desperate for friends (Dodie said it!), Ginger gets an idea.
Carl and Hoodsey are so stress-free that they didn't even prepare for their test on the Louisiana Purchase.
And thus, behind the eraser eye-masks and tropical background music, they realize they forgot to buy the lie detector machine. The last used one in town. New ones cost thousands. Oh well, sorry boys. Guess you learned an important lesson here. Until next episode, of course.
When Ginger goes into the bathroom to congratulate Courtney on the friendship bracelets being made for her and Mipsy (???) Courtney reveals that it was just a rumor to piss off Miranda and get her crawling back to her. Ginger tips Courtney off with a little rumor of her own, saying Miranda has decided to transfer schools. Courtney's like, "Oh, but then I'll have to transfer schools! Maybe I should just apologize." And then Miranda comes out of the stall and is all, "I forgive you! Hugs!" And they hug. Well, okay then. That works, I guess? I mean, it is junior high after all...
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As for the check, the boys have to give it back. According to Hoodsey, God sent them a message that it's the right thing to do. Well, isn't that kind of testing the limits there, Nickelodeon?
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Having fake friends who will drop you like a bad habit is better than having real friends who will stay by your side through thick and thin; it's okay to be a doormat; living the rich life is only good when you're not trying to buy a used lie detector machine.
Man, these lessons learned are starting to sound passive-aggressive.
Brava!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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