The junior high assembly is about to begin, and it's the perfect time for Mipsy to cut in front of Ginger and her friends to take the last seat in the auditorium. What kind of school runs out of auditorium seats?! Usually there's enough seats to house a small city. So, the principal comes up to the microphone to explain that he's caught students loitering at the wall that separates them from the high school students. Oh noes! How terrible! He warns them that from now on, any junior high student caught hanging around by the wall (which is technically part of the high school) will be suspended. Oh, what the fuck kind of rule is that? What is so fucking anti-Semantic about hanging out by a wall? So, the kids should be running laps instead of sitting on their asses doing nothing, but that's besides the point. This is how you create rebels.
Ginger overhears Miranda telling Courtney and Mipsy that Ginger should get suspended so that Miranda won't have to see her face for a few days (fucking bitch!), but Courtney fails to see the hatred in Miranda's comment because she says Ginger's too much of a "nice girl" to do something like that. Oh, Courtney. Naïve, innocent Courtney.
Mrs. Gordon is reluctant to let her fifth grade class choose electives to round out their education, but she passes around sign-up sheets anyway. Carl signs himself and Hoodsey up for cooking, because they can apparently score some serious dough (no pun intended) in the culinary business. Hoodsey naturally whines about taking cooking class, being that he's more interested in taking more action-packed electives such as pole-vaulting. Though to be honest, if Carl had signed them up for pole-vaulting, Hoodsey would whine about that and suggest they take cooking. Fuck you, Hoodsey. Choose your own damn elective. Carl attempts to dazzle Hoodsey with the possibilities such as TV shows, signature recipes, and their own brand of cookware. Hoodsey isn't impressed; he's never even fried an egg before, I bet. Freeloader.
Back at the junior high school, the camera pans over to some high schoolers trying to be cool by staring at the Ginger's gym class running laps around the football field. And these kids look scary as hell. Is that guy with the red hair a flasher? Sure looks like it with that jacket.
Ginger overanalyzes the meaning of Courtney calling her a "nice girl" back in the auditorium, assuming that she meant "uncool" and "dorky" and the lowest-of-the-low "loser." You know, when you try to analyze someone's words, whatever you come up with is generally a sign of how you see yourself. So, for Ginger to think that Courtney called her a loser (even though we clearly know Courtney thinks Ginger is anything but), she probably thinks she's a loser herself, just because she's a "good girl." I don't understand why she would think that way; it's not like she's totally invisible in her school. She's clearly liked by a lot of people (minus Miranda and Mipsy) and she has friends, so what's her deal?
Ginger spots Danny Zuko sporting an eyebrow ring and holding a blue Sharpie after he had written "JAKE IS COOL" on the wall. I'll only be impressed by his badassery if he starts shaking his hips and pointing his finger in the air like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
Ginger continues to moan about how she'll never date a cool guy like Jake (this name, I swear it's everywhere in the Nickelodeon/Disney crush world), so instead of just forgetting about him and moving on, she stares at him through the fence, imagining herself grinding against that big, shiny eyebrow ring.
So, Ginger considers hanging out at the wall to prove that she has a backbone. Macie tries to convince her otherwise, bringing up the police record Ginger obtained from the first episode that proved Ginger isn't a "good girl." Dodie then suggests that they instead just pass by the wall after school, because they can't be suspended for that. But that doesn't work for Ginger because her dentist appointment is more important. Fair enough, I guess.
At the elementary school, it's raining (nice touch, by the way showing a different weather), some hoity-toity chef executive comes to talk to the elementary students who signed up for cooking class. Why didn't they just get the lunch lady to teach the class? So, this lady is a bit of a nutter, as her business had failed a while back, and starts complaining about all the hipster TV chefs who have their own cooking channels when they don't know a damn thing about food. Wow, she was ahead of her own time, wasn't she?
At the dentist's office, Ginger waits until it's her turn to have her teeth poked and prodded. Jake comes in with some tool and they start talking about high school stuff. The dentist pokes her head out and triumphantly says it's time for Ginger's cleaning, though it's rather unnecessary because she has the "clean mouth of the month" award plastered up on the wall. What the fuck? How embarrassing! And I thought it was only necessary to go to the dentist twice a year so why is she going on a monthly basis? Ginger tells all this to Dodie and Macie on the phone later that day, and Dodie has an idea for Ginger that will get her from clean mouth to filthy skin in a flash.
She suggests crashing the party Jake is going to, and Ginger thinks it's absolutely brilliant. Macie, on the other hand, thinks it's a stupid idea, but who listens to Macie anyway? I feel like she's only ever there to listen to the conversations between Dodie and Ginger, because no one ever acknowledges her. She's always shot down. I feel bad for her. So, Ginger decides to crash the party despite Macie's concerns because as Lois apparently always tells her, what's life without taking chances?
Sometime later, Ginger goes downstairs to find out what's for dinner and finds out Carl, the kid who collects toenail clippings and keeps a petrified eyeball in his missing dog's house, is putting ingredients together over a hot stove to be chewed, swallowed, and digested.
Carl comes over saying that Ginger hasn't lived 'till she tasted his specialty "feetloaf with trashed potatoes and fried bunions." The puns here are worse than any one Cyanide and Happiness comic. Apparently, Carl can cook very well judging by the delicious smell of food. It may be top-quality dinner, but it looks like he just cooked an entire bear's paw. But hey, what's life without taking chances?
Sometime later, Ginger, Dodie, and Macie arrive to the party. Ginger sets a few quick rules to avoid being caught as a junior high schooler: tell anyone who asks that they're in the ninth grade, and to avoid Will Patterson, as he could easily rat them out. So, Ginger pushes the door open to the backyard to quite a wild party. This is supposed to be on a school night, so I don't understand how so many of their parents let their kids go. Or are we supposed to believe that all these kids snuck out of their houses?
It's clear that these three are the worst party crashers in existence because once they get there, they have no idea what to do. So, they just stand by the snack table looking like they don't belong there so that people won't think they don't belong there. Confused yet? I know I am. Go back home to your Little Seal Girl, ladies.
They stand there for what looks like hours, not dancing or talking to anybody (what did they expect?), so they decide to leave. After they get past the gate, they check to make sure they have their house keys, but Ginger realizes she left hers back by the snack table. Where else would they be, really? She crawls under the snack table and totally rams her face into some guy's ass.
He turns around and holy tacos, it's Jake. Jake recognizes Ginger as the girl from the "Clean Mouth of the Month" poster back at the dentist. He asks her what she's doing under the snack table, and she asks him the same question. Apparently, he was crowd surfing (the hell?) and puked up his nachos from all the jostling and whatnot, but it still doesn't make any sense as to why he's under the snack table. And why does he look like Ian Richton? Is that why Ginger developed a searing crush on him so quickly?
They lean in to kiss for some reason, probably because of the heat of the moment, and then they stop, probably because Ginger doesn't want to kiss him when he just puked up nachos. She freaks out and runs away, only to stop momentarily to tell Jake her name. She runs back out to Dodie and Macie to give them the 4-1-1 on what just happened, even though nothing actually happened. Preteens.
The next day at school, seeing how his dinner the night before was such a success, Carl opens up his own fast-food joint in the back of the schoolyard, complete with heavily-greasy foods with disgusting names only a ten-year-old would come up with. Blake comes up to Carl and Hoodsey is like, "You babbling blokes are going to fail. How can I help?" But Carl and Hoodsey are like, "Nuh-uh. We're totally gonna rock this and become big sell-outs, just you see!" Blake is impressed by their "shrewd business strategy," so he orders some of Carl's Mac n' Sneeze and French Flies so he can be their own personal Chef Ramsey by criticizing them wherever need be. Surprisingly, he finds the food quite delicious. So do the other kids walking by.
And then we get a shot of cafeteria Chef Bob's lower side in the corner of the screen, looking pissed at his ten-year-old competitor trying to move in on his gross-out cafeteria cuisine.
In gym class, Ginger and the gals jog while boasting about how awesome it was crashing a high school party. Come on, it was hardly awesome, considering the highlight of their night was being splashed with warm pool water. Jake calls Ginger over to say that he found her house keys. The other girls in the class look on in what I can only describe as complete shock and awe as he hands her back her keys.
It's only keys, ladies. What, would you have passed out if Jake had called Ginger over to give her back her garage door opener? Oh, wait, I think I know what they're thinking: If Jake had Ginger's house keys, then he totally must have been in her house. I bet he was in her room. Oh my God, they must have kissed. They totally kissed! Not too far-fetched a thought, I must say. Courtney and Miranda run up to Ginger and ask her how she knows Jake, and seeing how much attention Ginger is getting from crossing paths with bad-boy Jake, she embellishes their encounter a bit by making it seem like there was more to the house keys story. She gets all secretive and refuses to tell curious Courtney what imaginary conversation/interaction happened under the snack table. Ginger, you bad girl, you.
Chef Bob pulls Carl, Hoodsey, and Mrs. Gordon aside to complain about how nobody ate his "delicious" refried beans for lunch because of Carl and Hoodsey's fast food business. Oh, cry me a river, fat man. What I don't understand is how the school allowed Carl to cook and sell food to children on school property in the first place. I guess in the cartoon universe, these things slide past logic in order to move the plot along, but it really does seem extremely unrealistic that an elementary school would let him get away with this. Nobody understands how Carl is able to pull in the customers, but it's a pretty basic business model: the gross-out names draw the target audience in while the delicious taste keeps them wanting more. Seeing how Chef Bob is now on the verge of losing his job to two ten-year-olds, Mrs. Gordon orders the boys to shut down their business or else she'll get someone more qualified to take action. But Carl insists that Mrs. Gordon tries his food, and when she does, she thinks it's the best damn thing she ever shoved in her mouth.
And thus, Carl and Hoodsey get to keep their business. Chef Bob now has to compete, and he doesn't like it one bit.
As a bunch of starving kids line up at the stand, Miranda and Courtney stop by to ask Carl what could have happened between Ginger and Jake, because everyone knows that older sisters are just dying to tell their little brothers what happened between them and a strange boy. Or maybe they think he read her diary. Either way, they quickly see that Carl will be useless when they watch Jake walk by to get some of that Mac n' Sneeze. They mention that he and Ginger had a little fling under the snack table, and Jake goes, "Oh, Clean Mouth," in reference to Ginger. And then he said, "I could barely make out those pearly whites because it was so dark," so, now Courtney and Miranda think that Jake and Ginger made out under the table while Ginger was wearing something pearly white. Thank you, poor listening comprehension! Anyone with half a brain stem would realize that Jake was talking about how he couldn't see Ginger's pearly white teeth in the dark. Perhaps it's because Courtney and Miranda twisted Jake's words around to fit their idea of what could have happened at the party. So, Miranda finds this to be the absolute perfect opportunity to trash Ginger's reputation, but Courtney doesn't think it's a good idea, naturally. This is why I like her better.
So now, Ginger has a reputation, and everyone at school is looking at her like she's some sort of celebrity. Someone even writes "Ginger and Jake 4 Ever" in pink lipstick in a bathroom stall.
Ginger freaks out because she overhears some girls saying how she made out with Jake when it's not true, and now wishes she could take that whole night back because of the false rumor that's ruining her life. But the worst of it comes when people refer to her as "fast," the Nickelodeon equivalent of "easy." Damn.
You know, I have to blame Ginger a little bit for this one. She was the one who wanted to embellish her story to make people think she was cool. She was the one who made it seem like she and Jake totally bumped asses (okay, that is kind of true--face-to-ass, at least) so she shouldn't be complaining about people making up all these rumors about her. Not that I agree with people starting rumors, but this is junior high school--she should know better than to give people an opportunity to fill in the blank of a story that doesn't exist. Ginger, your desire to make people think you were cooler made people think you are a whore. Congratulations.
The next morning, Ginger freaks out about all the nasty comments she's going to receive at school and wonders what she's going to do. Carl, in a nonchalant way, says "Rubber glue, back to you," before walking out the door. Lois says, "Hey, that's not a bad idea." But Ginger's like, "Ugh, that's so elementary!" But Lois tells her that she doesn't have to explain anything, and to let people think what they want to think, because it's not like Ginger will be able to change their opinions anyway. People will believe what they want to believe. So, Ginger takes Lois's advice, and I guess this means this plot is over, right?
At the elementary school, Carl and Hoodsey's business is booming to the point where Chef Bob had called in a health inspector as a way to close down their business. And he does, after many health violations such as not storing meat correctly and not wearing hair nets or gloves. So, he gives them a big fat F and closes them down.
During lunch in the junior high, Ginger confesses that she just wanted people to think that she was cool enough to crash a party, not "roll around under picnic tables with tenth-grade boys," and that's just risqué enough to be on the FCC borderline. Damn. Courtney comes over to apologize for spreading the rumors that have miraculously died down, but not Miranda because she is a twat in a handbag. Rubber glue, back to you, Miranda. So now, everything is back to normal.
It's too bad that this "rubber glue, back to you" policy can't always work in real-life. Do you have any idea how many lives have been ruined by nasty rumors? Just look online at all the stories about cyberbullying and rumor-spreading that cost the lives of so many teenagers. People are cruel--do not believe for one second that you can always diffuse a rumor by just pretending it doesn't exist. Why? Because there is a chance that there will be some people bent on destroying your life to the point where they make sure that these rumors stay alive. I just hate the fact that this episode makes us believe that ignoring the nasty rumors will make them go away, and everything will return to normal. A lot of the time, rumors stick with people for a long time.
Now, I'm not saying that letting people believe what they want to believe is terrible advice. It's good advice, as it's the only thing you can do. But what I am saying is that it's not a guarantee that it will work. So, remember kids, try not to get yourself into any riff-raff. And if you do, don't let a rumor spread.
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Don't try to be "cool;" if you're going to crash a party, at least talk to someone; pray that letting people say what they want about a rumor will diffuse it eventually; children should not operate a fast-food business on school property.
Ginger overhears Miranda telling Courtney and Mipsy that Ginger should get suspended so that Miranda won't have to see her face for a few days (fucking bitch!), but Courtney fails to see the hatred in Miranda's comment because she says Ginger's too much of a "nice girl" to do something like that. Oh, Courtney. Naïve, innocent Courtney.
Mrs. Gordon is reluctant to let her fifth grade class choose electives to round out their education, but she passes around sign-up sheets anyway. Carl signs himself and Hoodsey up for cooking, because they can apparently score some serious dough (no pun intended) in the culinary business. Hoodsey naturally whines about taking cooking class, being that he's more interested in taking more action-packed electives such as pole-vaulting. Though to be honest, if Carl had signed them up for pole-vaulting, Hoodsey would whine about that and suggest they take cooking. Fuck you, Hoodsey. Choose your own damn elective. Carl attempts to dazzle Hoodsey with the possibilities such as TV shows, signature recipes, and their own brand of cookware. Hoodsey isn't impressed; he's never even fried an egg before, I bet. Freeloader.
Back at the junior high school, the camera pans over to some high schoolers trying to be cool by staring at the Ginger's gym class running laps around the football field. And these kids look scary as hell. Is that guy with the red hair a flasher? Sure looks like it with that jacket.
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| Shouldn't you hooligans be dissecting frogs or something? |
Ginger spots Danny Zuko sporting an eyebrow ring and holding a blue Sharpie after he had written "JAKE IS COOL" on the wall. I'll only be impressed by his badassery if he starts shaking his hips and pointing his finger in the air like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
Ginger continues to moan about how she'll never date a cool guy like Jake (this name, I swear it's everywhere in the Nickelodeon/Disney crush world), so instead of just forgetting about him and moving on, she stares at him through the fence, imagining herself grinding against that big, shiny eyebrow ring.
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| "That pierced eyebrow's got "throbbing infection" written all over it." - Macie |
At the elementary school, it's raining (nice touch, by the way showing a different weather), some hoity-toity chef executive comes to talk to the elementary students who signed up for cooking class. Why didn't they just get the lunch lady to teach the class? So, this lady is a bit of a nutter, as her business had failed a while back, and starts complaining about all the hipster TV chefs who have their own cooking channels when they don't know a damn thing about food. Wow, she was ahead of her own time, wasn't she?
At the dentist's office, Ginger waits until it's her turn to have her teeth poked and prodded. Jake comes in with some tool and they start talking about high school stuff. The dentist pokes her head out and triumphantly says it's time for Ginger's cleaning, though it's rather unnecessary because she has the "clean mouth of the month" award plastered up on the wall. What the fuck? How embarrassing! And I thought it was only necessary to go to the dentist twice a year so why is she going on a monthly basis? Ginger tells all this to Dodie and Macie on the phone later that day, and Dodie has an idea for Ginger that will get her from clean mouth to filthy skin in a flash.
She suggests crashing the party Jake is going to, and Ginger thinks it's absolutely brilliant. Macie, on the other hand, thinks it's a stupid idea, but who listens to Macie anyway? I feel like she's only ever there to listen to the conversations between Dodie and Ginger, because no one ever acknowledges her. She's always shot down. I feel bad for her. So, Ginger decides to crash the party despite Macie's concerns because as Lois apparently always tells her, what's life without taking chances?
Sometime later, Ginger goes downstairs to find out what's for dinner and finds out Carl, the kid who collects toenail clippings and keeps a petrified eyeball in his missing dog's house, is putting ingredients together over a hot stove to be chewed, swallowed, and digested.
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| "But... Mom... I want to live!" - Ginger |
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| Eww... it has toes and everything. |
It's clear that these three are the worst party crashers in existence because once they get there, they have no idea what to do. So, they just stand by the snack table looking like they don't belong there so that people won't think they don't belong there. Confused yet? I know I am. Go back home to your Little Seal Girl, ladies.
They stand there for what looks like hours, not dancing or talking to anybody (what did they expect?), so they decide to leave. After they get past the gate, they check to make sure they have their house keys, but Ginger realizes she left hers back by the snack table. Where else would they be, really? She crawls under the snack table and totally rams her face into some guy's ass.
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| The initial kiss comes first, Ginger. |
They lean in to kiss for some reason, probably because of the heat of the moment, and then they stop, probably because Ginger doesn't want to kiss him when he just puked up nachos. She freaks out and runs away, only to stop momentarily to tell Jake her name. She runs back out to Dodie and Macie to give them the 4-1-1 on what just happened, even though nothing actually happened. Preteens.
The next day at school, seeing how his dinner the night before was such a success, Carl opens up his own fast-food joint in the back of the schoolyard, complete with heavily-greasy foods with disgusting names only a ten-year-old would come up with. Blake comes up to Carl and Hoodsey is like, "You babbling blokes are going to fail. How can I help?" But Carl and Hoodsey are like, "Nuh-uh. We're totally gonna rock this and become big sell-outs, just you see!" Blake is impressed by their "shrewd business strategy," so he orders some of Carl's Mac n' Sneeze and French Flies so he can be their own personal Chef Ramsey by criticizing them wherever need be. Surprisingly, he finds the food quite delicious. So do the other kids walking by.
And then we get a shot of cafeteria Chef Bob's lower side in the corner of the screen, looking pissed at his ten-year-old competitor trying to move in on his gross-out cafeteria cuisine.
In gym class, Ginger and the gals jog while boasting about how awesome it was crashing a high school party. Come on, it was hardly awesome, considering the highlight of their night was being splashed with warm pool water. Jake calls Ginger over to say that he found her house keys. The other girls in the class look on in what I can only describe as complete shock and awe as he hands her back her keys.
It's only keys, ladies. What, would you have passed out if Jake had called Ginger over to give her back her garage door opener? Oh, wait, I think I know what they're thinking: If Jake had Ginger's house keys, then he totally must have been in her house. I bet he was in her room. Oh my God, they must have kissed. They totally kissed! Not too far-fetched a thought, I must say. Courtney and Miranda run up to Ginger and ask her how she knows Jake, and seeing how much attention Ginger is getting from crossing paths with bad-boy Jake, she embellishes their encounter a bit by making it seem like there was more to the house keys story. She gets all secretive and refuses to tell curious Courtney what imaginary conversation/interaction happened under the snack table. Ginger, you bad girl, you.
Chef Bob pulls Carl, Hoodsey, and Mrs. Gordon aside to complain about how nobody ate his "delicious" refried beans for lunch because of Carl and Hoodsey's fast food business. Oh, cry me a river, fat man. What I don't understand is how the school allowed Carl to cook and sell food to children on school property in the first place. I guess in the cartoon universe, these things slide past logic in order to move the plot along, but it really does seem extremely unrealistic that an elementary school would let him get away with this. Nobody understands how Carl is able to pull in the customers, but it's a pretty basic business model: the gross-out names draw the target audience in while the delicious taste keeps them wanting more. Seeing how Chef Bob is now on the verge of losing his job to two ten-year-olds, Mrs. Gordon orders the boys to shut down their business or else she'll get someone more qualified to take action. But Carl insists that Mrs. Gordon tries his food, and when she does, she thinks it's the best damn thing she ever shoved in her mouth.
And thus, Carl and Hoodsey get to keep their business. Chef Bob now has to compete, and he doesn't like it one bit.
As a bunch of starving kids line up at the stand, Miranda and Courtney stop by to ask Carl what could have happened between Ginger and Jake, because everyone knows that older sisters are just dying to tell their little brothers what happened between them and a strange boy. Or maybe they think he read her diary. Either way, they quickly see that Carl will be useless when they watch Jake walk by to get some of that Mac n' Sneeze. They mention that he and Ginger had a little fling under the snack table, and Jake goes, "Oh, Clean Mouth," in reference to Ginger. And then he said, "I could barely make out those pearly whites because it was so dark," so, now Courtney and Miranda think that Jake and Ginger made out under the table while Ginger was wearing something pearly white. Thank you, poor listening comprehension! Anyone with half a brain stem would realize that Jake was talking about how he couldn't see Ginger's pearly white teeth in the dark. Perhaps it's because Courtney and Miranda twisted Jake's words around to fit their idea of what could have happened at the party. So, Miranda finds this to be the absolute perfect opportunity to trash Ginger's reputation, but Courtney doesn't think it's a good idea, naturally. This is why I like her better.
So now, Ginger has a reputation, and everyone at school is looking at her like she's some sort of celebrity. Someone even writes "Ginger and Jake 4 Ever" in pink lipstick in a bathroom stall.
Ginger freaks out because she overhears some girls saying how she made out with Jake when it's not true, and now wishes she could take that whole night back because of the false rumor that's ruining her life. But the worst of it comes when people refer to her as "fast," the Nickelodeon equivalent of "easy." Damn.
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| Shit like this is what causes teens to commit suicide. |
The next morning, Ginger freaks out about all the nasty comments she's going to receive at school and wonders what she's going to do. Carl, in a nonchalant way, says "Rubber glue, back to you," before walking out the door. Lois says, "Hey, that's not a bad idea." But Ginger's like, "Ugh, that's so elementary!" But Lois tells her that she doesn't have to explain anything, and to let people think what they want to think, because it's not like Ginger will be able to change their opinions anyway. People will believe what they want to believe. So, Ginger takes Lois's advice, and I guess this means this plot is over, right?
At the elementary school, Carl and Hoodsey's business is booming to the point where Chef Bob had called in a health inspector as a way to close down their business. And he does, after many health violations such as not storing meat correctly and not wearing hair nets or gloves. So, he gives them a big fat F and closes them down.
During lunch in the junior high, Ginger confesses that she just wanted people to think that she was cool enough to crash a party, not "roll around under picnic tables with tenth-grade boys," and that's just risqué enough to be on the FCC borderline. Damn. Courtney comes over to apologize for spreading the rumors that have miraculously died down, but not Miranda because she is a twat in a handbag. Rubber glue, back to you, Miranda. So now, everything is back to normal.
It's too bad that this "rubber glue, back to you" policy can't always work in real-life. Do you have any idea how many lives have been ruined by nasty rumors? Just look online at all the stories about cyberbullying and rumor-spreading that cost the lives of so many teenagers. People are cruel--do not believe for one second that you can always diffuse a rumor by just pretending it doesn't exist. Why? Because there is a chance that there will be some people bent on destroying your life to the point where they make sure that these rumors stay alive. I just hate the fact that this episode makes us believe that ignoring the nasty rumors will make them go away, and everything will return to normal. A lot of the time, rumors stick with people for a long time.
Now, I'm not saying that letting people believe what they want to believe is terrible advice. It's good advice, as it's the only thing you can do. But what I am saying is that it's not a guarantee that it will work. So, remember kids, try not to get yourself into any riff-raff. And if you do, don't let a rumor spread.
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Don't try to be "cool;" if you're going to crash a party, at least talk to someone; pray that letting people say what they want about a rumor will diffuse it eventually; children should not operate a fast-food business on school property.
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