Do you guys remember being in gym class in middle school or late elementary school, and the gym teacher split up the girls and the boys to watch an extremely uncomfortable puberty video? Fun times! This episode is all about puberty--well, body discomfort, anyway. The creepy gym teacher tells the girls to prepare for the upcoming lesson on periods, body hair, and strange smells because the puberty video is coming to a gym class near them! But aren't these girls in the 8th grade now? Shouldn't they have seen this video 2 or 3 years ago when they actually were beginning puberty? I guess they don't call it Sheltered Shrubs for shits and giggles.
Macie promptly freaks out, because she's the most prudish twelve-year-old I've ever seen. Then again, can you blame her? Can you blame any of these people? Ginger's like, "Ah, it can't be that bad." Sure, Ginger, puberty isn't going to fuck with your mind that badly. Then again, you've already started puberty since you got that freaky leg hair going on. What were they called? Frizzy Lizzies? You don't need to watch this. You already know what's going on.
So, Courtney comes by in a robe and an avocado face mask and boasts about all the puberty videos she's seen in her day, and it's pretty clear that Ginger's not impressed.
In the elementary school, Hoodsey worries that he's not smelly enough, as he and Carl are trying to break a world record for longest time gone without bathing. And so far, he's just crossed the two-week threshold without touching a drop of soap. Ew. Even the guy next to him wants to punch his face in being so fucking disgusting.
Higsby comes over to bum a stick of gum off Carl, and Carl decides to give him a piece in exchange for a look at Mr. Licorice's baby tooth that had fallen out the week before. It's a deal. So, the gym teacher comes by and--holy God damn, how many injections of steroids did this guy take in college? He looks like a freaking martini glass with a head.
Anyway, the school has implemented a new policy--new gym uniforms that must be washed at least once a week, and mandatory showers after class. How is this a new policy? I thought schools were phasing out mandatory showers after enough people started complaining about how "degrading" it was. Anyway, Hoodsey isn't too happy with this new policy because showering will tamper with his and Carl's stinky record. Hoodsey expresses this to Carl, who suggests that they'll wear plastic bags on their feet, as it will still count. Um, no it won't. But I guess we're supposed to believe that it will count because there's no rebuttal.
The gym teacher comes back and calls Higsby out on chewing gum in class--in a rather unnecessarily humiliating way--ah, who am I kidding? It's Higsby. So, he makes Higsby put his piece of gum in a shoebox full of ABC gum, and them asks him take another piece out of the box.
Oh my--that is fucking disgusting! Come on, are there video cameras in this gym? Somebody capture this Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabe and suspend him for being not only out of his mind, but hypocritical as well (taking someone else's ABC gum, while making them shower after class). Seriously, we need the principal to come in and see this bullshit.
He doesn't actually make Higsby take an old piece out (thank God). He's just fucking with him. But it's supposed to serve as a warning to the rest of the class to not chew gum in gym class. So, I guess Carl gets to keep the tooth because he's not getting that piece of gum back like he asked.
In Ginger's room later that day, Macie continues to moan and cry about having to watch the puberty video next week. Ginger suggests that Macie could close her eyes during the bad parts, but that won't work either because they'll still be hearing everything that's going on.
This could be a case of Macie being afraid of growing up. Why? Well, for one thing, when Dodie and Ginger try to give reasons why it's a good idea to experience the movie together, she covers her ears and starts frantically singing the Little Seal Girl theme song in a desperate attempt to cling on to every ounce of childhood she has left. Or maybe I'm wrong, and she's actually just extremely uncomfortable talking about periods and vaginas and sex. So, we have two conflicting sides here--Ginger, who's trying to be understanding towards Macie's fears and trying to gently coerce her to see it while Dodie is, like always, making a big song and dance about how it's vital to junior high, and that if they all don't see it together, it will be, like, devastating. Hell, if I was Macie, I'd just want to hide under my covers too. Just watch it, Macie. You don't want to be misinformed and end up pregnant in high school because you never learned what a condom was.
I think this picture sums up the boys' personalities quite nicely:
As Carl admires Mr. Licorice's baby tooth, Hoodsey coats his feet in foot spray that makes his feet smell like pine-scented cheese. Eww. Carl makes Hoodsey promise that he won't let Joanne make him bathe, but his real concern is the gym showers. Probably because he's afraid his juiced-up gym teacher will use him as a dumbbell. Carl's like, "Ah, don't worry about it. The plastic bags, remember?" But it's obvious that something else is bothering Hoodsey, something more personal that he's not telling Carl.
The trio tip-toes into their gym teacher's office to ask whether or not it's mandatory for everyone to see the video. Macie makes Ginger ask because she's too scared to ask herself. And when Macie finds out that she absolutely must see the video, otherwise she won't graduate, she promptly turns as white as a ghost--all the reminiscence of childhood leaking out of her pores. For a second, she actually considers missing the film on purpose, even if it means having to repeat the 8th grade over again.
Back in the elementary school, there's a slow-motion montage of the class dodgeball game going on (another staple of gym class that has disappeared from schools because of too many complainers).
Everyone is having fun, except Hoodsey. He doesn't seem to be moving around much, probably to minimize the amount of sweat.
Back in the junior high school, in Macie's music class, everyone is practicing a song which happens to be the As Told By Ginger theme song. Miranda leans over to talk about the puberty video, and tries to scare Macie by saying how one girl got so freaked out by the video that she joined a convent. But then, being the bitch that she is, Miranda whispers even closer, "Maybe the video will be good for you. You may learn a thing or two about growing up." This rustles Macie's jimmies so much that she stands up and tells her off, feels embarrassed, and sits back down.
While everyone is showering, Hoodsey sneaks over to the locker area and dresses himself. The gym teacher catches him, and when he asks why he's not in the shower, Hoodsey makes up a bunch of lies, the most elaborate one being that he has a highly-contagious skin disease that could spread to the other students. The gym teacher tells him that he should then bring a doctor's note so he can excuse him, otherwise he'll fail the class. Fail for refusing to shower? That's the smell of someone abusing their power. No, wait, it's Hoodsey's belly button funk. I can practically smell it through the computer screen. Carl comes back, stark naked I might add, and shows Hoodsey how much the plastic bags are working. There's all sorts of cultures growing on his feet, and it's really sickening. Or maybe that's just the only way animators know how to draw realistic stank.
Carl asks Hoodsey why he didn't shower, but Hoodsey makes up another ridiculous lie that gets Carl a little bit concerned.
After school on the bus ride home, Macie hyperventilates into a paper bag. Oh, come on! It's just a fucking puberty video. It's not like they're going to be showing porn. And even then do you really need to freak out? Courtney comes up to Ginger, having heard about what happened during band class and finds it high-larious that Macie is uncomfortable with seeing the movie. Ginger gets pissed off and practically tells Courtney to go fuck herself, but Courtney doesn't care, and offers some non-sensical advice--"Sometimes it's best to move on and leave old friends behind." Why? I don't get it. Yeah, Macie's irrational fear of growing up is ridiculous, but dropping her as a friend because of it is just awful. Go back to painting your nails, Gripling. This is why you don't have real friends.
The bus driver had kicked Carl and Hoodsey off the bus for smelling like a foot's armpit. Carl continues to roll off suggestions on how to make their stench more potent, but Hoodsey is becoming more closed off about his locker room secret that he barely makes eye-contact with Carl. He asks Hoodsey to sleep over that night, but Hoodsey declines, saying he's going to hang out with his dad, something that he never does. And it's at this point that Carl is fully on the S.S. Confusion & Concern.
During cheese fondue night, Lois reminisces about her best friend, Nancy, who she once shared an apartment with in Boston. When Ginger asks what happened to her, Lois says that they simply went their separate ways because that's life and things change. Ginger worries about her own friendship with Dodie and Macie, but Lois says not to worry, because there's no guarantee of the three of them splitting, so it's best to just act like their friendship is forever, because it might turn out that way. Now that's great advice. Way to go, Lois!
Joanne notices that Hoodsey has been a total drag on her electricity bill for the past three days, so she asks what the fuck is wrong with him. I guess Joanne's rabid sharp claws pull the truth out of Hoodsey because he reveals that he's too embarrassed to shower with the other boys in gym class, and he can't tell Carl because Carl doesn't think it's such a big deal. And then Joanne throws out the best, most disturbing one-liner in the whole series: "Well, of course he doesn't. The child's a budding exhibitionist!"
Holy ball sacks of Hell. How did that get past the FCC? To call an eleven-year-old boy a budding exhibitionist--meaning one who shows off all his naked glory--is sick, no matter how true it is. Again, how did this get past the censors? I don't care; I'm glad it did because it's pretty damn funny. Although for Joanne to say it's fine to be embarrassed of what you look like naked isn't helping, and that he shouldn't have to shower in gym if he doesn't want to. Damn, you can tell Joanne is a die-hard conservative. She's two steps away from making Dodie go to school in a floor-length skirt and turtleneck.
Ginger and Dodie take Carl to Macie's house because he wants to use Macie's tanning bed while Ginger and Dodie attempt to help Macie with her fears. Ginger and Dodie keep stressing the fact that they should all experience the puberty video together--not just because it's a requirement for passing gym, but because it's a milestone that will help them get through their teen years. And to be honest, if Macie doesn't see the video, she'll end up having her first period in the middle of showering in gym class and freak out. We don't need another Carrie on our hands. So, they begin by going through Lois's medical textbooks. And I guess you already know what happens:
Carl looks like he's having fun tanning... until he blows a fuse.
That Monday, it's the day of the puberty video. Hoodsey stops by to ask Lois if it would be illegal if he could have a nurse's note (her signature) instead of a doctor's note to get him out of showering in gym class. And then Carl comes into the kitchen looking like an extra for Jersey Shore.
In gym before the movie starts, Miranda tries to get one last scare in to Macie about a girl freaking out to the point where she had to be taken away via ambulance, only for Ginger to cleverly ruin it with the truth about it being an accident in a geometry class. Wait, what?
The movie begins, and it's one of those super old-fashioned ones with the film strips and poor-quality voice overlay. Why is it that every time they show a movie in a cartoon, it's always a film strip? This show was made from the year 2000 onward. I'm sure they have updated videos by now. What is the appeal in cartoons? Anyway, Macie is trying so hard not to pass out.
Back in the elementary school, Carl comes up to Hoodsey in gym and is like, "Bro, you're acting weird." But Hoodsey denies it, knowing full-well that Carl isn't going to believe him.
The film strip continues, and we see Courtney at the top row looking quite uneasy. She's playing with her hair and making weird moaning sounds, all while Miranda stares at her like, "Oh, give me a break." Bitch. Tension rises as the man off-screen talks about body hair, acne, periods, and then finally cuts to a scene with a woman giving birth. But by this point, Macie has run out of the gym, causing Ginger to follow her.
And then Courtney promptly vomits all over Miranda's shoes, totally unprepared for the sudden giant bloody vagina in her face. But Miranda, the drama queen bitch that she is, stands up and yells at Courtney for ruining her favorite shoes. Where is the gym teacher while all this is going on?
Ginger follows Macie into the bathroom where she's hiding out and tells her she's sorry for pushing her so hard because she was afraid that if they didn't see the movie together, they'd grow apart. Turns out Macie was afraid of the very same thing, which is why she forced herself to see the video in the first place. And then they hug. Aww, Now that's a best friend!
Dodie comes in to fill the girls in on what happened, including the projector catching fire and being smothered by Courtney's cashmere sweater. Again, where was the gym teacher while this was happening? I'm sure if she had been there watching the movie with the girls, she would have silenced Miranda, made Courtney go get paper towels for her vomit, and noticed when the old film projector started smoking so she could prevent it from spontaneously combusting. See, this is why I question the purpose for these things.
Back in the locker room after class, Hoodsey finally reveals to Carl his embarrassment, and Carl is actually understanding but is still like, "It's just us guys. There's nothing to be ashamed about." Seeing that Carl doesn't humiliate Hoodsey in front of their entire gym class (like some other best friends we know), Hoodsey's confidence shoots up, so he takes off his shirt. It's not exactly a good idea because now everyone can smell his month-long B.O. (even though they still should have been able to smell it with his shirt on), and the locker room clears out instantly. But now Hoodsey doesn't care. He strips down completely, and he and Carl walk to the showers--with their naked butts shaking away down the hall.
Food for thought: Have you ever wondered why they only show naked boys on cartoons? They never show naked girls, but they'll show naked boys (obviously from the back only).
Lessons Learned From This Episode: don't be ashamed of your body; always support your friends when they're uncomfortable; just because you're not ready for something when your friends are doesn't mean you'll grow apart; take a fucking shower more often
Macie promptly freaks out, because she's the most prudish twelve-year-old I've ever seen. Then again, can you blame her? Can you blame any of these people? Ginger's like, "Ah, it can't be that bad." Sure, Ginger, puberty isn't going to fuck with your mind that badly. Then again, you've already started puberty since you got that freaky leg hair going on. What were they called? Frizzy Lizzies? You don't need to watch this. You already know what's going on.
So, Courtney comes by in a robe and an avocado face mask and boasts about all the puberty videos she's seen in her day, and it's pretty clear that Ginger's not impressed.
In the elementary school, Hoodsey worries that he's not smelly enough, as he and Carl are trying to break a world record for longest time gone without bathing. And so far, he's just crossed the two-week threshold without touching a drop of soap. Ew. Even the guy next to him wants to punch his face in being so fucking disgusting.
 |
| How could you be comfortable sitting in your own filth? |
 |
| It's painfully obvious that he's never heard of a leg press machine. Never skip leg day. |
The gym teacher comes back and calls Higsby out on chewing gum in class--in a rather unnecessarily humiliating way--ah, who am I kidding? It's Higsby. So, he makes Higsby put his piece of gum in a shoebox full of ABC gum, and them asks him take another piece out of the box.
Oh my--that is fucking disgusting! Come on, are there video cameras in this gym? Somebody capture this Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabe and suspend him for being not only out of his mind, but hypocritical as well (taking someone else's ABC gum, while making them shower after class). Seriously, we need the principal to come in and see this bullshit.
He doesn't actually make Higsby take an old piece out (thank God). He's just fucking with him. But it's supposed to serve as a warning to the rest of the class to not chew gum in gym class. So, I guess Carl gets to keep the tooth because he's not getting that piece of gum back like he asked.
In Ginger's room later that day, Macie continues to moan and cry about having to watch the puberty video next week. Ginger suggests that Macie could close her eyes during the bad parts, but that won't work either because they'll still be hearing everything that's going on.
 |
| "The sounds of female development have to be just as horrible as the sights." - Macie |
I think this picture sums up the boys' personalities quite nicely:
As Carl admires Mr. Licorice's baby tooth, Hoodsey coats his feet in foot spray that makes his feet smell like pine-scented cheese. Eww. Carl makes Hoodsey promise that he won't let Joanne make him bathe, but his real concern is the gym showers. Probably because he's afraid his juiced-up gym teacher will use him as a dumbbell. Carl's like, "Ah, don't worry about it. The plastic bags, remember?" But it's obvious that something else is bothering Hoodsey, something more personal that he's not telling Carl.
The trio tip-toes into their gym teacher's office to ask whether or not it's mandatory for everyone to see the video. Macie makes Ginger ask because she's too scared to ask herself. And when Macie finds out that she absolutely must see the video, otherwise she won't graduate, she promptly turns as white as a ghost--all the reminiscence of childhood leaking out of her pores. For a second, she actually considers missing the film on purpose, even if it means having to repeat the 8th grade over again.
Back in the elementary school, there's a slow-motion montage of the class dodgeball game going on (another staple of gym class that has disappeared from schools because of too many complainers).
Everyone is having fun, except Hoodsey. He doesn't seem to be moving around much, probably to minimize the amount of sweat.
Back in the junior high school, in Macie's music class, everyone is practicing a song which happens to be the As Told By Ginger theme song. Miranda leans over to talk about the puberty video, and tries to scare Macie by saying how one girl got so freaked out by the video that she joined a convent. But then, being the bitch that she is, Miranda whispers even closer, "Maybe the video will be good for you. You may learn a thing or two about growing up." This rustles Macie's jimmies so much that she stands up and tells her off, feels embarrassed, and sits back down.
While everyone is showering, Hoodsey sneaks over to the locker area and dresses himself. The gym teacher catches him, and when he asks why he's not in the shower, Hoodsey makes up a bunch of lies, the most elaborate one being that he has a highly-contagious skin disease that could spread to the other students. The gym teacher tells him that he should then bring a doctor's note so he can excuse him, otherwise he'll fail the class. Fail for refusing to shower? That's the smell of someone abusing their power. No, wait, it's Hoodsey's belly button funk. I can practically smell it through the computer screen. Carl comes back, stark naked I might add, and shows Hoodsey how much the plastic bags are working. There's all sorts of cultures growing on his feet, and it's really sickening. Or maybe that's just the only way animators know how to draw realistic stank.
 |
| I still don't understand how this counts as not showering. |
After school on the bus ride home, Macie hyperventilates into a paper bag. Oh, come on! It's just a fucking puberty video. It's not like they're going to be showing porn. And even then do you really need to freak out? Courtney comes up to Ginger, having heard about what happened during band class and finds it high-larious that Macie is uncomfortable with seeing the movie. Ginger gets pissed off and practically tells Courtney to go fuck herself, but Courtney doesn't care, and offers some non-sensical advice--"Sometimes it's best to move on and leave old friends behind." Why? I don't get it. Yeah, Macie's irrational fear of growing up is ridiculous, but dropping her as a friend because of it is just awful. Go back to painting your nails, Gripling. This is why you don't have real friends.
The bus driver had kicked Carl and Hoodsey off the bus for smelling like a foot's armpit. Carl continues to roll off suggestions on how to make their stench more potent, but Hoodsey is becoming more closed off about his locker room secret that he barely makes eye-contact with Carl. He asks Hoodsey to sleep over that night, but Hoodsey declines, saying he's going to hang out with his dad, something that he never does. And it's at this point that Carl is fully on the S.S. Confusion & Concern.
 |
| And why did Carl plop a For Sale sign in front of the Bishops' house? |
Joanne notices that Hoodsey has been a total drag on her electricity bill for the past three days, so she asks what the fuck is wrong with him. I guess Joanne's rabid sharp claws pull the truth out of Hoodsey because he reveals that he's too embarrassed to shower with the other boys in gym class, and he can't tell Carl because Carl doesn't think it's such a big deal. And then Joanne throws out the best, most disturbing one-liner in the whole series: "Well, of course he doesn't. The child's a budding exhibitionist!"
 |
| "It's perfectly natural to be embarrassed of your own naked self." - Joanne |
Ginger and Dodie take Carl to Macie's house because he wants to use Macie's tanning bed while Ginger and Dodie attempt to help Macie with her fears. Ginger and Dodie keep stressing the fact that they should all experience the puberty video together--not just because it's a requirement for passing gym, but because it's a milestone that will help them get through their teen years. And to be honest, if Macie doesn't see the video, she'll end up having her first period in the middle of showering in gym class and freak out. We don't need another Carrie on our hands. So, they begin by going through Lois's medical textbooks. And I guess you already know what happens:
Carl looks like he's having fun tanning... until he blows a fuse.
That Monday, it's the day of the puberty video. Hoodsey stops by to ask Lois if it would be illegal if he could have a nurse's note (her signature) instead of a doctor's note to get him out of showering in gym class. And then Carl comes into the kitchen looking like an extra for Jersey Shore.
In gym before the movie starts, Miranda tries to get one last scare in to Macie about a girl freaking out to the point where she had to be taken away via ambulance, only for Ginger to cleverly ruin it with the truth about it being an accident in a geometry class. Wait, what?
 |
| "Those protractors should be outlawed if you ask me!" - Macie |
Back in the elementary school, Carl comes up to Hoodsey in gym and is like, "Bro, you're acting weird." But Hoodsey denies it, knowing full-well that Carl isn't going to believe him.
The film strip continues, and we see Courtney at the top row looking quite uneasy. She's playing with her hair and making weird moaning sounds, all while Miranda stares at her like, "Oh, give me a break." Bitch. Tension rises as the man off-screen talks about body hair, acne, periods, and then finally cuts to a scene with a woman giving birth. But by this point, Macie has run out of the gym, causing Ginger to follow her.
And then Courtney promptly vomits all over Miranda's shoes, totally unprepared for the sudden giant bloody vagina in her face. But Miranda, the drama queen bitch that she is, stands up and yells at Courtney for ruining her favorite shoes. Where is the gym teacher while all this is going on?
Ginger follows Macie into the bathroom where she's hiding out and tells her she's sorry for pushing her so hard because she was afraid that if they didn't see the movie together, they'd grow apart. Turns out Macie was afraid of the very same thing, which is why she forced herself to see the video in the first place. And then they hug. Aww, Now that's a best friend!
Dodie comes in to fill the girls in on what happened, including the projector catching fire and being smothered by Courtney's cashmere sweater. Again, where was the gym teacher while this was happening? I'm sure if she had been there watching the movie with the girls, she would have silenced Miranda, made Courtney go get paper towels for her vomit, and noticed when the old film projector started smoking so she could prevent it from spontaneously combusting. See, this is why I question the purpose for these things.
Back in the locker room after class, Hoodsey finally reveals to Carl his embarrassment, and Carl is actually understanding but is still like, "It's just us guys. There's nothing to be ashamed about." Seeing that Carl doesn't humiliate Hoodsey in front of their entire gym class (like some other best friends we know), Hoodsey's confidence shoots up, so he takes off his shirt. It's not exactly a good idea because now everyone can smell his month-long B.O. (even though they still should have been able to smell it with his shirt on), and the locker room clears out instantly. But now Hoodsey doesn't care. He strips down completely, and he and Carl walk to the showers--with their naked butts shaking away down the hall.
Food for thought: Have you ever wondered why they only show naked boys on cartoons? They never show naked girls, but they'll show naked boys (obviously from the back only).
Lessons Learned From This Episode: don't be ashamed of your body; always support your friends when they're uncomfortable; just because you're not ready for something when your friends are doesn't mean you'll grow apart; take a fucking shower more often
Answer to your "food of thought": it's just one of those double standards the media watchdogs use. Somehow, a naked boy is considered less offensive than a naked girl. For that matter, you can also wonder why Western cartoons are always allowed to get away with scenes like this, but when a Japanese anime is imported to the US they always consider it necessary to edit or cut out such scenes.
ReplyDelete