Happy Monday! I'm really excited to be back reviewing regular 22-minute episodes of this show. You have no idea how much stress I was under all month--between writing essays for my classes, working on three novels concurrently, and finding time on the weekends to write this blog. My life is all about writing, writing, writing, work, gym, class, writing. But I'm glad to be here doing this for all of you who choose to kill time reading this blog.
I'm also excited to review a whole slew of episodes, shitty and spectacular, because there are going to be some big changes happening this season. No spoilers, but there will definitely be some new faces, new drama, and new smartass jokes to be made.
Welcome to Season 2.
We start off in the fall with some creepy as fuck music, with the camera zooming in on a home dentist's office. And then we see this guy, scratching his manly beard while Darren sits a couple of feet behind him looking scared. Hell, if I was in a dentist's office like that, I'd be scared, too. Looks like the start of some gory horror flick involving ripping out teeth one by one. *Shudders*
Seriously, though, why are all the lights off? And what's with the creepy music as the dentist starts poking at Darren's mouth? This will just make kids terrified of the dentist. Anyway, the dentist tells Darren to get ready for "the rest of his life," and I think I know where he's going with this. Darren's famous headbrace drops to the floor in slow motion, the bolts shattering and spreading out all over the floor.
And then the dentist opens the curtains to let the sunlight in. Doves fly away outside, the angels sing a harmonic tune, and the metaphoric doors have opened up for Darren, because from now on, things are going to be different for him. He is finally free of metal, and can now live his life with straight teeth and looks of awe, instead of people using his headbrace as a bottle opener. As he walks out of the dentist's office and back home, objects keep purposely getting in the way of Darren's face so that it builds up tension the big reveal when we finally see Darren's whole face for the first time.
He pops in at Ginger's window, and when Ginger looks up from her homework, her panties drop to the floor.
It's pretty obvious that Darren's smokin' hot looks are causing Ginger's hormones to kickstart puberty. Ginger doesn't know how to handle the new, hot Darren. Good thing he leaves to go show his parents his new look. You know, so Ginger won't pounce on top of him like a lion to a warthog.
Macie and Dodie are having dinner at Ginger's house, and Ginger boasts about how she practically wants to fuck Darren's face now, though to be honest, there really isn't that much of a difference in him. It's like Clark Kent removing his glasses to reveal his identity as Superman. Dodie reminds Ginger that since Darren is a valuable member of society now, she should think twice about wanting to date him because last time didn't go over too well, but Ginger's like, "I'm not in love with Darren. I'm just happy for him. Really happy for him..." Meanwhile, the butterflies are fluttering hard and fast in her stomach. Don't lie to us, Ginger; you want some of that dark chocolate.
So, Darren has instantly become popular overnight and is a hit with the ladies. As Darren shares the embellished anecdote about the process of his headgear being removed, Ginger, Dodie, and Macie look on in shock that Darren chose to tell it to the popular kids instead of them. I can understand how this would be upsetting to them, but come on, girls. You have to know the hierarchy of middle school by now--hot news begins at the top: the rich popular kids. Then the regular popular kids. Then the well-known besties. Then the jealous geeks. Then you three. You can't fight the status quo.
Higsby hugs a banana to his face at recess, imagining it's his annoying monkey, because fuck normality.
Carl and Hoodsey look on concerningly because they think the monkey is dead. Huh? I thought they hated that monkey. Especially Hoodsey--remember when he gave him amnesia? Anyway, Higsby explains that Mr. Licorice has been monkeynapped. Blake meanders over and listens in on the news of Higsby's missing monkey friend. Higsby offers $47 dollars and a lime sour ball as ransom, and then Carl offers Higsby his and Hoodsey's private investigation services. They mention that they caught the dognapper last summer, a male dognapper, which is either a big ass lie or a big ass plot hole because the dognapper was Milty's girlfriend/fuck buddy, and SHE got away, as we saw in Summer of Camp Caprice. Writers, you have to catch these things. No pun intended.
Okay, why the hell is Ginger writing in her journal in a school toilet?
Courtney and Miranda come in, and after Miranda smells her dank breath for freshness, Courtney pulls out a toothbrush and toothpaste and starts scrubbing yesterday's lunch out of her mouth. Ew. That is really out of character for Courtney. So, they start gushing over Darren's overnight hawtness and planning weddings, and Ginger soon realizes that she has made a huge mistake. Miranda mentions that Darren's newfound popularity is going to make him forget all about Ginger, and that she hopes Ginger doesn't "take it too hard," in her usual bitchiness, of course. After Courtney and Miranda leave, Ginger looks down solemnly.
Have you ever had a friend who got a one-day makeover, and then you were so impressed by how well they clean up that you realized you are just as shallow as everyone else? No? Well, there goes Ginger's humble personality.
Carl and Hoodsey arrive at Higsby's swanky modern abode to begin solving the mystery of the missing monkey.
Carl notices the high-tech security cameras in every corner of Higsby's house (totally not creepy at all), and wonders if the cameras caught the alleged monkeynapper. So, he instructs Higsby to take them to the last place Mr. Licorice was seen.
Ginger rants about the conversation she eavesdropped on in the bathroom to Dodie and Macie, and Ginger suspects that Miranda is only doing it to make Ginger "feel bad" (oh, it's much more than that, girlie), only for Dodie to look out Ginger's bedroom window to see Darren and Miranda making googly-eyes at each other in Darren's backyard.
Ginger painfully records the hours, minutes, and seconds that have gone by since Darren last appeared at her window in her journal, and if that's not a sign that she totally digs him, I don't know what is. Then, Ginger turns up the volume on a talk show that's an obvious parody of Oprah, Doctor Fond Feelings. Though she kind of reminds me of Joan Rivers for some reason.
She listens to the sappy, unrealistic advice Doctor Fond Feelings gives to her guest: to give her man the cold shoulder, because people respond to rejection, and then decides to take that advice because if there's one thing women know about men, it's that they're mind-readers who should automatically know how a girl feels because they should know exactly what they did wrong!
Back at Higsby's fancy house (which by the way has a Goddamn control room for all the video cameras!), Carl manages to play back the last scene of Higsby and Mr. Licorice together, where Higsby is praying in his room. Hmm... I think that is the last instance of religion being portrayed in a Nickelodeon show--at least in a respectful manner (*coughiCarlycough*). So, the video shows Higsby saying goodnight to Mr. Licorice and getting into bed, and then Mr. Licorice locks himself in his cage in the corner of the bedroom. What the fuck? If that monkey can lock himself in his own cage, why does he need a cage in the first place? Then, Carl fast forwards to later into the night where Mr. Licorice opens up the cage, grabs a mini-backpack, and high-tails it out of the house.
And then he blows a raspberry at Higsby.
Higsby has an emotional breakdown because his precious monkey, who he believed was his best friend, abandoned him without warning. You know, if Higsby wasn't such a little shit, I would actually feel sorry for him. But I'm glad that monkey escaped when he did. I don't know how he managed to stay with him for that long, anyway. Carl and Hoodsey then start interrogating Higsby for the reasons Mr. Licorice may have escaped, but all Higsby did was give him "oodles of organic root," "oodles of organic vegetables," and "oodles and oodles of organic looooove." Err, what?
The next day at the junior high school, Miranda has these ugly pigtails in her hair and has already taped a picture of the new-and-improved Darren on the inside of her locker. Hmm. Either they're officially dating now or Miranda has become a stalker.
Courtney comes up to her and asks if she's arranged her a date with Darren's brother, Will. She hasn't done it yet, because she's too busy planning out the next few days with Darren. Courtney is obviously hurt that Miranda isn't spending as much time around her as she used to, and it's probably for the best. I mean, Ginger may be shallow for falling for Darren after realizing how hot he was under his metal headbrace, but Miranda barely even acknowledged him before. Now, she's practically hopping on his dick--because he's now a hottie and she's spiting Ginger at the same time. And I thought Courtney was the one with the sick obsession with Ginger. I guess Courtney isn't as popular as she thinks she is because everyone passes her in the hallway, an indication that Miranda really is the closest friend she has. And Courtney isn't all that bitchy. Shallow and naïve, yes, but she's relatively harmless. How unfortunate for her to not have closer friends.
I can't imagine how Darren's feeling. Probably on top of the world, right? Maybe it's just because I'm older now, but I honestly feel bad for him. Think about it--for years, he's been ignored because of his headbrace that blocked half of his face. Now, once he's free of that constraint, everyone suddenly wants to be his friend and date him. It's the bane of childhood--where you're only well-liked if you're attractive. It's in our biology. So I can't fault these girls 100% when we're designed to have predispositions about attractiveness. But still, it's not fair to guys like Darren. He could be talking about the massive shit he just took and girls would still throw themselves at him just because he's oh-my-God-so-hotttttt.
But that still doesn't mean he's in the right to ignore Ginger now. I totally get that he's just soaking up all his new popularity--and it must feel wonderful to get all this positive attention--but he has to realize that these people only like him for his looks now.
Courtney comes into the bathroom where Ginger is giving herself a pep talk and asks her to check her breath for freshness. She then explains how she's losing Miranda to Darren, and becomes inconsolable at the thought of completely losing her, but Ginger gets freaked out by her freak out and runs out.
Ginger, taking the advice of that talk show host who should be shot point-blank with a paintball gun in the face, walks right past Darren as he tries to solicit advice about his hair. He calls after her with a "Hellooooo?" while Miranda comes up behind him and greets him the same way, "Hayl-ooooooo." Oh, God. I never realized how nasally Miranda's voice is. She freaking sounds like Fran Drescher.
He doesn't look too happy to see her, and Miranda notices this. Miranda's like, "Ugh, we agreed you were going to call me a pet name!" So, Darren comes up with "Schmoo" and I can't stop laughing because it sounds like "Shamu." You know, like the whale. It would be even more relevant if Miranda was fat. Darren tells "Schmoo" that he's too preoccupied at the moment to talk to her because he has the feeling that Ginger's mad at him, but the bell rings, so he can't explain why. So before Miranda greets him goodbye, she--and I'm not kidding--shoves him against the locker and tells him to stop "obsessing" over Ginger because Miranda is the only woman in his life now. And then she leaves, smacking him in the face with one of her ugly pigtails.
Holy shit. You have to get out of that relationship, Darren. Like I said before, Miranda is a jealous bitch. And it won't take long until she starts beating him when Ginger even happens to cross his mind. I know Nickelodeon has shown abusive relationships on the child level before, but this takes the cake as the absolute most fucked up relationship to be in. Seriously, Darren. Get out now before you get hurt. And I don't mean by Miranda's pigtails.
In the elementary school, Higsby is crying in one of the bathroom stalls while Carl tries to tell him that life sucks and that he's just going to have to get over it. Blake comes out of one of the other stalls and is like, "Don't listen to him, Higsby. Carl just doesn't want to admit that he's failed." Failed at what? They found out what happened to Mr. Licorice. How is Carl going to bring him back if he doesn't have any idea where he went?
Higsby runs out of the stall, still crying, throws his money at Carl, and tells him to find Mr. Licorice for him as he's running out of the bathroom. My God. If that's not emotionally manipulative, I don't know what is. Miranda pushing Darren against the lockers, maybe? I haven't seen something this twisted on Nickelodeon in a long time. And now even I'm starting to feel sorry for Higsby. Find his damn monkey, Carl, so he can stop crying. Please. His crying just may be worse than his voice.
Great, now Darren is being subjected to a clarinet solo by Miranda. What's funny is that it's the same tune that Squidward plays on his clarinet, but in a higher octave. And the same tune that Oskar from Hey Arnold plays on his saxophone. It's that same Nickelodeon tune that someone plays on some kind of instrument that lets us know that they are being annoying to others around them. And us watching them. It's so fascinating that these different shows use this same exact tune! It's like they're all connected in some way or another. Anyway, Darren's like, "Why do I have to stand here and watch you suck at music?" And Miranda's like, "Because that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do!" And it's clear that Miranda has no idea what real relationships are like if she has to follow the "rules," even at the expense of their significant others' hearing.
Darren says that maybe they should take a day off to see their friends, but Miranda gets in his face and is like, "Uh, no. That's not how relationships work." Luckily, once Miranda starts getting in Darren's face about how she's had to "sacrifice a lot" for their relationship (such as abandoning Courtney), Darren gets right back in Miranda's face and tells her that their arrangement isn't working for him. Miranda gets pissed because she realizes that Darren misses hanging out with Ginger, and that if Darren has to accept Courtney as Miranda's friend, then Miranda should accept Ginger as Darren's friend. Hell, yeah, Darren! Hell yeah!
I fucking love it when people on this show stand up for themselves. LOVE IT. This is also why I love Darren. He's sweet, shy, and knows when he's being taken for a ride. Although Ginger lets Miranda step all over her, Darren doesn't take that shit from Miranda and lets her know that he's not going to be her boyfriend slave. And them Miranda has no choice but to let Darren have his way. Yes! Yes! Yesss! You see, this is how to handle someone who's trying to take advantage of you--don't let them control you. This is seriously the best scene in the entire episode, and I am so happy that Miranda is finally put in her place.
Darren comes to visit Ginger as she's writing about him in her journal. She ignores him, of course, so Darren apologizes for being so flaky for the past few days. He really does sound sorry, because he's not used to all the attention he's been getting, and because Ginger still isn't saying anything to him like a little stuck-up bitch who takes advice from TV talk shows, Darren slinks away, leaving Ginger's mouth agape to allow Darren's words to enter and travel to her brain to sink in.
Carl and Hoodsey are at an ice cream shop where their floor print is the same as Ginger's bedroom wallpaper:
Across the street from the shop, they spot Mr. Licorice doing flips inside a large glass tank, performing for people walking by the pet shop. He sees Carl and Hoodsey staring at him and hides away, realizing their intentions for him. Carl goes up to the clerk in the shop and tells him that the monkey is a fugitive and belongs to Higsby, but the clerk is like, "Impossible. I got him from my usual supplier. You want the monkey, fork over some cash." Carl runs out, pissed that he has no choice but to spend all his money to get Mr. Licorice back. Carl puts down the money Higsby gave him, and once Mr. Licorice realizes he's going back to Higsby, he goes absolutely bananas (pun intended), catching the attention of the other shoppers in the mall.
The clerk decides to give the monkey to Carl anyway, realizing that no one else is going to be willing to buy a rabid chimp.
Miranda and Courtney catch up in a cheese-themed restaurant. Darren is there too, eating alone at another table. Ginger approaches him and apologizes for taking life advice from a talk show, and hopes that they can continue being friends. Miranda approaches them and pulls Darren aside to tell them that she wants to break up. Darren's like, "All right. Whatever." So, if neither of them are hurt by this break-up, why the hell did they go out in the first place? Miranda did because she was enchanted momentarily by Darren's hawtness, but that enchantment wore off quickly, and Darren because he was finally getting attention from girls other than Ginger.
Carl and Hoodsey bring Mr. Licorice back to Higsby, and Carl explains that he put up a real fight trying to get him here. But Higsby's like, "I don't care." Wait, hold on. I think it would be better to transcribe this scene just because... you'll see:
Carl: The thing of it is... he didn't want to come back. He put up a real fight.
Higsby: I don't care.
Carl: Are you listening to me Brandon?! He doesn't like you!
Higsby: Neither do you and Hoodsey, but so what? Don't you see, the monkey is what makes me interesting. Without the monkey, I'm just an annoying little boy.
Carl: And with the monkey...?
Higsby: I'm an annoying little boy with a monkey!
What an awesomely self-aware moment that was! I mean, I knew that Higsby's mom thought that he was popular, so I assumed that Higsby thought everyone liked him, too. But for Higsby to realize that he's Dodie and Miranda times ten, I, well, I actually kind of respect him for that. He knows he's a turdball, yet still acts like one because that's just who he is. He doesn't pretend like something he's not, and that's quite honorable for a kid. Five points for Gryffindor.
Though if he ever expects to be a welcoming addition to society, he has to stop being "an annoying little boy" and just be normal for one fucking minute.
Mr. Licorice goes insane when Higsby says that he's not willing to change, so he beads for the door. Realizing that Higsby can lose his monkey again, he cracks and is open for suggestions for change. Apparently, Carl can understand Mr. Licorice, so he tells Higsby what to do to improve his relationship. Let his cage get a little dirty, get rid of his embarrassing bowtie... so Higsby agrees. Or does he really? Carl and Hoodsey leave leaving Higsby to deal with his monkey all over again. Somehow, even with the advice, I don't think the problem is solved.
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Stand up for yourself if your girlfriend/boyfriend is pushing you around; don't ignore your friends when you begin a new relationship; if you're an annoying little boy, don't get a monkey
I'm also excited to review a whole slew of episodes, shitty and spectacular, because there are going to be some big changes happening this season. No spoilers, but there will definitely be some new faces, new drama, and new smartass jokes to be made.
Welcome to Season 2.
We start off in the fall with some creepy as fuck music, with the camera zooming in on a home dentist's office. And then we see this guy, scratching his manly beard while Darren sits a couple of feet behind him looking scared. Hell, if I was in a dentist's office like that, I'd be scared, too. Looks like the start of some gory horror flick involving ripping out teeth one by one. *Shudders*
Seriously, though, why are all the lights off? And what's with the creepy music as the dentist starts poking at Darren's mouth? This will just make kids terrified of the dentist. Anyway, the dentist tells Darren to get ready for "the rest of his life," and I think I know where he's going with this. Darren's famous headbrace drops to the floor in slow motion, the bolts shattering and spreading out all over the floor.
And then the dentist opens the curtains to let the sunlight in. Doves fly away outside, the angels sing a harmonic tune, and the metaphoric doors have opened up for Darren, because from now on, things are going to be different for him. He is finally free of metal, and can now live his life with straight teeth and looks of awe, instead of people using his headbrace as a bottle opener. As he walks out of the dentist's office and back home, objects keep purposely getting in the way of Darren's face so that it builds up tension the big reveal when we finally see Darren's whole face for the first time.
He pops in at Ginger's window, and when Ginger looks up from her homework, her panties drop to the floor.
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| "Darren... you're hot!" - Ginger |
It's pretty obvious that Darren's smokin' hot looks are causing Ginger's hormones to kickstart puberty. Ginger doesn't know how to handle the new, hot Darren. Good thing he leaves to go show his parents his new look. You know, so Ginger won't pounce on top of him like a lion to a warthog.
Macie and Dodie are having dinner at Ginger's house, and Ginger boasts about how she practically wants to fuck Darren's face now, though to be honest, there really isn't that much of a difference in him. It's like Clark Kent removing his glasses to reveal his identity as Superman. Dodie reminds Ginger that since Darren is a valuable member of society now, she should think twice about wanting to date him because last time didn't go over too well, but Ginger's like, "I'm not in love with Darren. I'm just happy for him. Really happy for him..." Meanwhile, the butterflies are fluttering hard and fast in her stomach. Don't lie to us, Ginger; you want some of that dark chocolate.
So, Darren has instantly become popular overnight and is a hit with the ladies. As Darren shares the embellished anecdote about the process of his headgear being removed, Ginger, Dodie, and Macie look on in shock that Darren chose to tell it to the popular kids instead of them. I can understand how this would be upsetting to them, but come on, girls. You have to know the hierarchy of middle school by now--hot news begins at the top: the rich popular kids. Then the regular popular kids. Then the well-known besties. Then the jealous geeks. Then you three. You can't fight the status quo.
Higsby hugs a banana to his face at recess, imagining it's his annoying monkey, because fuck normality.
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| This just isn't normal--even for this turdball. |
Carl and Hoodsey look on concerningly because they think the monkey is dead. Huh? I thought they hated that monkey. Especially Hoodsey--remember when he gave him amnesia? Anyway, Higsby explains that Mr. Licorice has been monkeynapped. Blake meanders over and listens in on the news of Higsby's missing monkey friend. Higsby offers $47 dollars and a lime sour ball as ransom, and then Carl offers Higsby his and Hoodsey's private investigation services. They mention that they caught the dognapper last summer, a male dognapper, which is either a big ass lie or a big ass plot hole because the dognapper was Milty's girlfriend/fuck buddy, and SHE got away, as we saw in Summer of Camp Caprice. Writers, you have to catch these things. No pun intended.
Okay, why the hell is Ginger writing in her journal in a school toilet?
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| It seems like bathroom stalls are the only place one can go for privacy in a kids' show. |
Have you ever had a friend who got a one-day makeover, and then you were so impressed by how well they clean up that you realized you are just as shallow as everyone else? No? Well, there goes Ginger's humble personality.
Carl and Hoodsey arrive at Higsby's swanky modern abode to begin solving the mystery of the missing monkey.
Carl notices the high-tech security cameras in every corner of Higsby's house (totally not creepy at all), and wonders if the cameras caught the alleged monkeynapper. So, he instructs Higsby to take them to the last place Mr. Licorice was seen.
Ginger rants about the conversation she eavesdropped on in the bathroom to Dodie and Macie, and Ginger suspects that Miranda is only doing it to make Ginger "feel bad" (oh, it's much more than that, girlie), only for Dodie to look out Ginger's bedroom window to see Darren and Miranda making googly-eyes at each other in Darren's backyard.
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| Ew, Darren. Why do you like her? She practically spits on your best friend every time she walks past her. |
She listens to the sappy, unrealistic advice Doctor Fond Feelings gives to her guest: to give her man the cold shoulder, because people respond to rejection, and then decides to take that advice because if there's one thing women know about men, it's that they're mind-readers who should automatically know how a girl feels because they should know exactly what they did wrong!
Back at Higsby's fancy house (which by the way has a Goddamn control room for all the video cameras!), Carl manages to play back the last scene of Higsby and Mr. Licorice together, where Higsby is praying in his room. Hmm... I think that is the last instance of religion being portrayed in a Nickelodeon show--at least in a respectful manner (*coughiCarlycough*). So, the video shows Higsby saying goodnight to Mr. Licorice and getting into bed, and then Mr. Licorice locks himself in his cage in the corner of the bedroom. What the fuck? If that monkey can lock himself in his own cage, why does he need a cage in the first place? Then, Carl fast forwards to later into the night where Mr. Licorice opens up the cage, grabs a mini-backpack, and high-tails it out of the house.
And then he blows a raspberry at Higsby.
Higsby has an emotional breakdown because his precious monkey, who he believed was his best friend, abandoned him without warning. You know, if Higsby wasn't such a little shit, I would actually feel sorry for him. But I'm glad that monkey escaped when he did. I don't know how he managed to stay with him for that long, anyway. Carl and Hoodsey then start interrogating Higsby for the reasons Mr. Licorice may have escaped, but all Higsby did was give him "oodles of organic root," "oodles of organic vegetables," and "oodles and oodles of organic looooove." Err, what?
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| "Maybe that's the part he didn't like." - Carl |
Courtney comes up to her and asks if she's arranged her a date with Darren's brother, Will. She hasn't done it yet, because she's too busy planning out the next few days with Darren. Courtney is obviously hurt that Miranda isn't spending as much time around her as she used to, and it's probably for the best. I mean, Ginger may be shallow for falling for Darren after realizing how hot he was under his metal headbrace, but Miranda barely even acknowledged him before. Now, she's practically hopping on his dick--because he's now a hottie and she's spiting Ginger at the same time. And I thought Courtney was the one with the sick obsession with Ginger. I guess Courtney isn't as popular as she thinks she is because everyone passes her in the hallway, an indication that Miranda really is the closest friend she has. And Courtney isn't all that bitchy. Shallow and naïve, yes, but she's relatively harmless. How unfortunate for her to not have closer friends.
I can't imagine how Darren's feeling. Probably on top of the world, right? Maybe it's just because I'm older now, but I honestly feel bad for him. Think about it--for years, he's been ignored because of his headbrace that blocked half of his face. Now, once he's free of that constraint, everyone suddenly wants to be his friend and date him. It's the bane of childhood--where you're only well-liked if you're attractive. It's in our biology. So I can't fault these girls 100% when we're designed to have predispositions about attractiveness. But still, it's not fair to guys like Darren. He could be talking about the massive shit he just took and girls would still throw themselves at him just because he's oh-my-God-so-hotttttt.
But that still doesn't mean he's in the right to ignore Ginger now. I totally get that he's just soaking up all his new popularity--and it must feel wonderful to get all this positive attention--but he has to realize that these people only like him for his looks now.
Courtney comes into the bathroom where Ginger is giving herself a pep talk and asks her to check her breath for freshness. She then explains how she's losing Miranda to Darren, and becomes inconsolable at the thought of completely losing her, but Ginger gets freaked out by her freak out and runs out.
Ginger, taking the advice of that talk show host who should be shot point-blank with a paintball gun in the face, walks right past Darren as he tries to solicit advice about his hair. He calls after her with a "Hellooooo?" while Miranda comes up behind him and greets him the same way, "Hayl-ooooooo." Oh, God. I never realized how nasally Miranda's voice is. She freaking sounds like Fran Drescher.
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| Hayl-ooooooo. |
In the elementary school, Higsby is crying in one of the bathroom stalls while Carl tries to tell him that life sucks and that he's just going to have to get over it. Blake comes out of one of the other stalls and is like, "Don't listen to him, Higsby. Carl just doesn't want to admit that he's failed." Failed at what? They found out what happened to Mr. Licorice. How is Carl going to bring him back if he doesn't have any idea where he went?
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| "Did not! Mind your own business!...Did you flush?" - Carl |
Great, now Darren is being subjected to a clarinet solo by Miranda. What's funny is that it's the same tune that Squidward plays on his clarinet, but in a higher octave. And the same tune that Oskar from Hey Arnold plays on his saxophone. It's that same Nickelodeon tune that someone plays on some kind of instrument that lets us know that they are being annoying to others around them. And us watching them. It's so fascinating that these different shows use this same exact tune! It's like they're all connected in some way or another. Anyway, Darren's like, "Why do I have to stand here and watch you suck at music?" And Miranda's like, "Because that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do!" And it's clear that Miranda has no idea what real relationships are like if she has to follow the "rules," even at the expense of their significant others' hearing.
Darren says that maybe they should take a day off to see their friends, but Miranda gets in his face and is like, "Uh, no. That's not how relationships work." Luckily, once Miranda starts getting in Darren's face about how she's had to "sacrifice a lot" for their relationship (such as abandoning Courtney), Darren gets right back in Miranda's face and tells her that their arrangement isn't working for him. Miranda gets pissed because she realizes that Darren misses hanging out with Ginger, and that if Darren has to accept Courtney as Miranda's friend, then Miranda should accept Ginger as Darren's friend. Hell, yeah, Darren! Hell yeah!
I fucking love it when people on this show stand up for themselves. LOVE IT. This is also why I love Darren. He's sweet, shy, and knows when he's being taken for a ride. Although Ginger lets Miranda step all over her, Darren doesn't take that shit from Miranda and lets her know that he's not going to be her boyfriend slave. And them Miranda has no choice but to let Darren have his way. Yes! Yes! Yesss! You see, this is how to handle someone who's trying to take advantage of you--don't let them control you. This is seriously the best scene in the entire episode, and I am so happy that Miranda is finally put in her place.
Darren comes to visit Ginger as she's writing about him in her journal. She ignores him, of course, so Darren apologizes for being so flaky for the past few days. He really does sound sorry, because he's not used to all the attention he's been getting, and because Ginger still isn't saying anything to him like a little stuck-up bitch who takes advice from TV talk shows, Darren slinks away, leaving Ginger's mouth agape to allow Darren's words to enter and travel to her brain to sink in.
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| Maybe you should spend less time listening to talk shows and more time listening to Darren. |
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| This is either pure laziness on the animators' part or where Ginger got her inspiration from. |
The clerk decides to give the monkey to Carl anyway, realizing that no one else is going to be willing to buy a rabid chimp.
Miranda and Courtney catch up in a cheese-themed restaurant. Darren is there too, eating alone at another table. Ginger approaches him and apologizes for taking life advice from a talk show, and hopes that they can continue being friends. Miranda approaches them and pulls Darren aside to tell them that she wants to break up. Darren's like, "All right. Whatever." So, if neither of them are hurt by this break-up, why the hell did they go out in the first place? Miranda did because she was enchanted momentarily by Darren's hawtness, but that enchantment wore off quickly, and Darren because he was finally getting attention from girls other than Ginger.
Carl and Hoodsey bring Mr. Licorice back to Higsby, and Carl explains that he put up a real fight trying to get him here. But Higsby's like, "I don't care." Wait, hold on. I think it would be better to transcribe this scene just because... you'll see:
Carl: The thing of it is... he didn't want to come back. He put up a real fight.
Higsby: I don't care.
Carl: Are you listening to me Brandon?! He doesn't like you!
Higsby: Neither do you and Hoodsey, but so what? Don't you see, the monkey is what makes me interesting. Without the monkey, I'm just an annoying little boy.
Carl: And with the monkey...?
Higsby: I'm an annoying little boy with a monkey!
What an awesomely self-aware moment that was! I mean, I knew that Higsby's mom thought that he was popular, so I assumed that Higsby thought everyone liked him, too. But for Higsby to realize that he's Dodie and Miranda times ten, I, well, I actually kind of respect him for that. He knows he's a turdball, yet still acts like one because that's just who he is. He doesn't pretend like something he's not, and that's quite honorable for a kid. Five points for Gryffindor.
Though if he ever expects to be a welcoming addition to society, he has to stop being "an annoying little boy" and just be normal for one fucking minute.
Mr. Licorice goes insane when Higsby says that he's not willing to change, so he beads for the door. Realizing that Higsby can lose his monkey again, he cracks and is open for suggestions for change. Apparently, Carl can understand Mr. Licorice, so he tells Higsby what to do to improve his relationship. Let his cage get a little dirty, get rid of his embarrassing bowtie... so Higsby agrees. Or does he really? Carl and Hoodsey leave leaving Higsby to deal with his monkey all over again. Somehow, even with the advice, I don't think the problem is solved.
Lessons Learned From This Episode: Stand up for yourself if your girlfriend/boyfriend is pushing you around; don't ignore your friends when you begin a new relationship; if you're an annoying little boy, don't get a monkey
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