Pilot Episode: "The Party"

Surprise! In honor of closing out season 1, I thought I should review the pilot episode of As Told By Ginger for your enjoyment.

FUN FACT: The As Told By Ginger pilot was produced in 1999, but most of you probably have never seen it since it never aired in the United States. And for good reason! Good lord, would you want to watch a show where the first frame in the first episode was this talking photo of Ginger introducing herself:

What exactly were the animators going for here?

I'm just kidding, there. In all honesty, pilots are notorious for being horribly drawn--they're not supposed to be the final project, but merely a "first draft" of a new show. They're almost never aired on TV, and if they are, they are meant to be part of the original series.This was obviously not.

So, this pilot is meant to introduce you to the characters of the show. Ginger's voiceover is heard as she explains the purpose of each main cast character: Dodie the gossip, Macie the quiet informer of school policies (??), Carl the menace of a brother... you get the gist. My gosh, I cannot get over how ugly Ginger is in this pilot. She looks so much like Lois it's scary. Anyway, you can see that the animation was extremely low quality and different from the rest of the series:

This pilot is also only 12 minutes long as opposed to the standard 22 minutes, so I guess the writers were going back and forth wondering whether to make two 12-minute episodes per half hour or one long 22-minute episode. I'm glad they chose the latter because it fits with the comedy-drama theme of the show.

The episode begins with some sort-of heavenly vocals in the background, along with the principal singsonging the morning announcements. It's actually quite bizarre. The camera pans to the cafeteria where a food fight has broken out (surprise, surprise). The trio ignores it to plan out Dodie's slumber party. Dodie and Macie look pretty much the same, except pilot Dodie is actually even uglier than the real Dodie. Ugh--look at those pigtails.

Even her pigtails are trying to run away from her.

Dodie senses that Courtney is coming (she actually smells her coming by the trail of her skanky perfume) and then she shows up at the table to give Ginger an invitation to her party this weekend. I don't know... I kind of like this version of Courtney. She definitely looks her age, at least, but she doesn't have that "rich girl" look to her. She looks like she stepped out of the 80s with that big hair she's got.

So, she hands Ginger the invitation and holy crap, is that Miranda?

Miranda's face looks so... pointy.

Apparently, Miranda was planned to be white and look like a snake. Ha! I'm not sure how I feel about this pilot Miranda, other than the fact that the snake look suits her so much better. Yet she doesn't look bitchy enough--she actually looks like she would be the quiet emo girl who sits in the back and writes poetry and doodles on her test papers.

So, Miranda asks Courtney if this is just some twisted social experiment (in relation to Courtney inviting Ginger to her party), but Courtney has high hopes for Ginger and thinks she could fit in. Well, at least their personalities stayed the same.

Later on after school, Ginger and her friends chill out on the backyard trampoline while they talk about Ginger's invitation. Suddenly, a zombie shows up and ahhhhhh! That's supposed to be Darren?!

He looks like a zombified Stu Pickles who got his head trapped in one of his inventions! Yeesh. Anyway, this Darren's headgear has an annoying squeak to it, and it doesn't even sound like metal squeaking. It's more like a rubber duckie. Imagine how annoying that would be if they kept that in. Ginger talks to Darren about Courtney inviting her to her party, and I don't know why Darren would care about this--he's her guy friend. Guys don't care about stuff like this. So, Dodie realizes that this is Ginger's big break to become popular and has an orgasm over the fact that she's in. Ginger's like, "What about your slumber party which happens to be on the same night?" But Dodie's like, "Fuck that shit. IT'S COURTNEY GRIPLING, YO."

So, Dodie and Macie decide to give Ginger a makeover before the party so that she looks her best. I'm not even going to say anything about the fact that they're going to be using make-up when we saw an episode about how they're not allowed to because this is a prototype episode. Nothing counts here--it's all free roam.

Ginger pulls Darren aside and expresses her concerns over her climbing popularity. She's afraid she won't know how to act around Courtney, and fears that she does something "totally uncool." Well, if you ask me, Ginger, she's definitely interested in your personality. If Courtney shows an interest in being your friend even when you're in cowboy overalls and sport freaky pube hair, I highly doubt there's anything you could wear that would turn Courtney's stomach, at the very least. Behavior-wise... eh... just talk about boys and shopping and yachts and you should be golden. Darren says he's going to ask his cool older brother for advice, as Darren obviously knows next to nothing about the inner-workings of the in-crowd.

The next morning at breakfast, Carl cackles with glee over hospital-quality pudding.

"I am so done with his shit, I swear."

Ginger asks Lois if she can go to Courtney's party, and Lois is like, "Whatever, but you have to take Carl with you." Only because there's no babysitter in the world who can be paid enough to watch Carl for four hours. Oooh. Conflict sweet conflict.

As Dodie convinces Ginger that she MUST go to this party no matter what, Darren pops in through the window with extremely irrelevant advice from his big brother: "Don't eat dip." I don't know if this will play a part in the episode because with something that insignificant, it may as well be nothing at all. Oh, and he heard that Ian Richton will be there. And that's the deciding factor for Ginger to be in attendance. The toolbox. Yup.

Ginger arrives at the front door of Courtney's McMansion and orders Carl to stay outside. And if you've been following the show, you'll know that Carl will find a way to weasel inside. In exchange for leaving her alone, Carl wants three weeks' worth of Ginger's toenail clippings, and she reluctantly agrees because it's so gross. 

Not ten seconds later, Carl breaks the head off of one of the Griplings' ceramic lawn ducks (why would a rich family have those?!) while practicing his "karate" and Ginger ties him up with a hose so he can't fuck anything else up. I'd probably do the same thing if Carl was my little brother.

So, Ginger rings the doorbell but no one answers it. Hey, where's Winston? Isn't he supposed to be the one who greets the guests? When no one answers, Ginger walks inside and sees everyone mingling in the middle of the living room. Courtney's mansion isn't even that impressive--I guess in the pilot, they just made her family very well off instead of rich.

I actually kind of like this alternate house that Courtney has.

People barely notice her coming through the door. I wonder if it's because the music is so loud that they can't even hear their own thoughts or they just don't care. I wonder what would happen if a burglar came in at that moment instead... So, anyway, Ginger waddles through the crowd of people and says hi to Courtney, and Courtney tells everyone to say hi to Ginger in a casual way, which ironically makes the greetings more awkward than intended.

Ginger feels a sense of uneasiness when people crowd around her as she plucks a potato chip out of the bowl and is offered dip that's the texture of mashed potatoes.

"Oh my God, Becky. She isn't taking any dip. She's, like, so un-kewwwl."

Ginger casually is like, "No thanks," remembering the "advice" Darren gave her earlier. Apparently, it's uncool not to have dip with your chips because the music comes to a halt and everyone is silent for a moment, unsure of what to do. Courtney continues to wait Ginger out, why, I don't know, because apparently Ginger is starting off on the wrong foot. Maybe it's the oversized blue sweater. Note to self: never let Dodie anywhere near clothes.

Carl attempts to escape out of the hose wrap, and inadvertently sprays water on the bushes. Suddenly, a bunch of kids pop their heads out of the bushes all tied up as well, and I can only guess that these are the younger siblings that the partygoers were forced to take with them under their parents' orders. Damn, is there a swingers convention in town tonight, or what?

We cut to Dodie's slumber party and oh my God, what the hell are they doing?

Ginger's better off at Courtney's party.

Dancing around with ponies in wigs? Cowboy vests over pajamas? Singing "Pony girls are hot, we live on a yacht..." What. The. Hell? Is this song supposed to be stupid and embarrassing? I really hope so, because I never want to hear Dodie stretch her vocal cords like that ever again. Carl pulls out his walkie-talkie to alert Hoodsey of the situation right as Hoodsey is spying on his sister and Macie. I bet he wants to try to see if he can steal Macie's bra during the night, given his crush on her. Anyway, Hoodsey is able to slither away from the girls who want to turn him into a "pony girl" since Ginger isn't there to join them. He gets on his bike and heads over to the Griplings to help rescue the tied up siblings.

Ginger looks like she's having a shitty time at the party since she's just standing alone staring at her cup of non-alcoholic punch. As soon as Ian Richton shows up, Ginger perks up and gets all nervous because oh-my-god-Iannnnnnn!

What the hell is up with his face? He looks like a robot. No expressions, no emotions, nothing. All the girls go gaga over him, except for Ginger, who's probably too afraid to move at this moment. Suddenly, Courtney dims the lights and declares it's time for a game of Spin the Bottle. Since Ginger is the sort-of guest of honor, she lets Ginger take the first spin, but not before making embarrassing small talk with Ian about how his shirt looks like Carl's. Sweat is pouring down her face, we can hear her heartbeat pounding away, and everyone is staring at her again so they can start the game. Heck, I'd be sweating like a pig too if I was twelve and had an audience in anticipation of who I was going to lock lips with.

Naturally, the bottle top lands on Ian, and then everyone chants "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" so much, you'd think they were at a glam metal concert. Kudos if you get the joke. Anyway, Ginger leans in to kiss Ian, and right as they're a centimeter away from full-on tonsil hockey, the lights flicker on.

Suddenly, Blake comes charging through in the center of the circle, in his underwear, yelling "Nyah nyah nyah nyah-nyah! Courtney stuffs her bra!"

I love how everyone has their hands up like this. It looks so cartoony.

You see? That's how a normal seven-year-old acts! Although I love Blake, this is so much on-point to how a real child acts, rich or not. Though I'm not digging the hair. Suddenly, all the younger siblings swarm the living room causing all sorts of chaos and generally just being little asshats. Then again, they were tied up in some stranger's bush so that their older siblings could grind pelvises with the partygoers.

In the midst of the confusion, Ginger doesn't notice that Ian plants a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Aww, I like this Ian so much better! No dialogue so we don't have to hear how stupid he is, no bros to encourage his Axe-wearing douchebag nature, and no basketball to further develop his two-dimensional character. He seems like such a sweetheart here, and I would have had no problem with Ginger crushing on Ian if the writers kept him this way. But no. Instead we get the douchy jock Ian. Hmph.

After the kids make a big mess, Courtney explodes and orders everyone to round up their siblings and take them home. Whoops. Looks like the party's over. Oh well. It looked like it sucked anyway. Ginger and Carl climb out the window and head home. Surprisingly, Ginger isn't mad at Carl for ruining the party since she got her kiss from Ian after all.

That night, Ginger calls Dodie and tells her about the kiss. Then, she asks how the slumber party is going, though I don't know why Ginger didn't just head for the slumber party after she left Courtney's party, as we see Lois pulling into the driveway. Maybe she knows how awful Dodie's slumber parties are. Oh, man, this pilot could have been a more self-aware series highlighting how rotten a friend Dodie is and how much better Courtney would be as Ginger's friend. One can only wish.

And then the episode ends with Ginger writing about her night in her diary. No voiceover, no self-reflection, nothing. But how are we supposed to know what Ginger's writing, then?

Lessons Learned From This Episode: don't tie up your little brother and expect him to just lie there for hours while you party; spin the bottle is the middle-school equivalent of having a one-night stand for the first time