Season 1, Episode 6: "Dare I, Darren?"

Class begins with some nerdy teacher showing Ginger's class a cheesy health film on the pituitary gland.

It's fairly obvious that the film is going to be a huge borefest, so the kids start screwing around with each other. Courtney leans over Ginger's shoulder and tells her that she should sit next to Ian Richton because movies are totally romantic. Yeah, the inner-workings of a small organ inside your brain will certainly make you break out the tissues.

In the elementary school, we're introduced to Mrs. Gordon, Carl and Hoodsey's geriatric teacher. We'll be seeing her quite often throughout the series, as she's one of Carl's main targets for pranks and the like.

Mrs. Gordon starts talking about a world-renowned medicinal healer on a magazine cover that used to be one of her students way back in the day. Carl, showing not a smidgen of respect, boasts that he and Hoodsey are going to be thirty times as popular as him. In this episode, we're also introduced to fellow classmate, Brandon Higsby, a super flamboyant brown-noser with THE most annoying voice in the history of television. Seriously, this kid is so uncomfortable to listen to that he makes Dodie's summoning of evil spirits from last episode sound like a freaking classical symphony.

"This kid is just asking for a muzzle, I swear."

Brandon Higsby is voiced by Grey DeLisle, who's done the voice of many characters, male and female, all over Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network, not to mention everywhere else in the cartoon world. No doubt is she talented, but  Higsby is by far her worst character, but I can't hate her for it because, well, Higsby is annoying. Honestly, would you believe that this happy-go-lucky, goofy kid is the same voice actor for badass Mandy on The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?

So, Higsby starts talking about his pet monkey, who he believes will be famous too, but Carl jumps all over him and is like, "Get over yourself, your monkey ain't worth peanuts." After an exchange of insults, Carl bets that he and Hoodsey will be world-famous by the end of the weekend. Winner keeps the monkey.

"Carl, I told you a million times there will be no low-stakes gambling in my classroom!" - Mrs. Gordon

At the end of class, Mrs. Gordon tells Carl and Hoodsey to deliver the homework assignment to Blake, who was out sick. Hmm, I thought the classroom sounded a bit un-regal this morning...

The junior high school kids continue to be bored by the movie, despite the fact that it has the word "sex" thrown in there so unnaturally. Twelve-year-olds in real life brace themselves for all the mentions of "sex" and "penis" and "intercourse" in puberty films so they can laugh and blush. It's what they're wired to do.

Darren folds a note into a triangle and flicks it over to Ginger. It's a picture of what looks to be a Simpsons' character and I can't focus on what it actually is because of the dancing pituitary gland on the screen:

Now, all he needs is a monocle.

The teacher finally notices how much the students want to shove a pencil in their ears, but he's like, "C'mon, the pituitary gland is awesome!" In the back, Miranda has observed Ginger and Darren's little back-and-forth and tells her that they're practically flirting. Mipsy's like, "As if!" And then Miranda opens her notebook to reveal her crush on Ian.

Ever notice how all cartoon characters write with their left hand?

After class, Miranda and Mipsy get all up in Ginger's face about her and Darren exchanging notes in class and make backhanded comments about what a cute "couple" they are. Ginger's like, "Darren? My boyfriend? Are you nuts?" They tell her that all relationships start out as two people being really good friends, according to some TV doctor, to make their assumptions seem like they didn't just come out of left field. Oh, Ginger, you should know by now not to listen to Miranda. Why do you let her bully you?

The boys arrive at the Griplings' mansion, and they're still talking about becoming famous. You know, if this episode took place today, they most certainly could be an overnight sensation. But this episode came out in the year 2000, when YouTube was still years away. How do they expect to achieve rapid-fire fame? They reach the front porch and discover a super high-quality telescope, which Carl starts drooling over because, hey, it's been a dream of his to have his own telescope. Not to look at the big dipper, I'm sure.

Hoodsey is completely unfazed by the telescope because he's too interested in fantasizing about all the things they could have the monkey do for them. Carl suggests they use the telescope to find a comet and become famous that way. Hoodsey points out that Blake will never let them use the telescope, but Carl says they can hold his homework hostage, in that case.

Winston answers the door in tears and tells the boys that Blake is in the hospital for tonsillitis. It's a really melodramatic scene because Winston is severely distressed by this, as if not even the Griplings' money could save him. It's only after Carl tells Winston that having a tonsillectomy is no biggie, Winston feels a whole lot better (???) and suggests they visit him at the hospital. Instead, Carl decides to "borrow" Blake's telescope. Hoodsey then busts his balls about some "new toy code" which is out of place for this kind of show. I'd expect something like that from The Fairly Odd Parents or some other farce show.

Back at the junior high school, Darren sets up his bike to allow for Ginger to ride on the handlebars. She's kind of standing on the bike, leaning on the handles with her feet on the front wheel. It looks really uncomfortable. Why not give her a little basket to sit in instead?

Ginger decides to share the anecdote she had with Miranda and Mipsy earlier, but when she turns around, the sky turns bloody orange and she hallucinates Darren as Ian Richton:

Then, the handlebars somehow remove themselves from the bike and Ginger starts floating up to the sky while soft guitar music plays in the background:

She rides through the clouds, doing flips and turns, and catches a birds-eye view of her and Darren riding through a lollipop and flower field:

Then, she flies into a warped version of the junior high school, floating down a long hallway of lockers until she reaches Miranda, who's holding open a door with an extremely bright light inside:

Finally, psychedelic music begins to play with Darren's big ole head and nose and teeth in front of a psychedelic background:

Wouldn't you just love this picture blown up and tacked on the ceiling over your bed?

His face swirls into oblivion, and then Ginger wakes up confused inside her bedroom with Hoodsey sitting next to her at her desk and Carl rifling through her dresser drawer. Good grief, what was that all about? I was about to blame it on my own hallucination from writing this review so late at night, but, damn. That was pretty intense considering the cartoonish buffoonery just witnessed beforehand. At least from this little dream adventure, it's clear that Ginger has been questioning her feelings for Darren, so the freaky hallucination was a good way to open up her unexplored feelings. Hoodsey tells her that she was dreaming the whole time, and she was drooling and making really weird twitching movements in her sleep. Creepy! Then again, that entire hallucination was creepy in itself. Carl asks Ginger for a piece of "nice" stationary to make a get well card for "a friend." After she kicks them out, she notices that, in the drawer where she found the stationary for Carl, is one of those photo booth strips of her and Darren.

She takes a long look at it and denies any sort of feelings for him because Darren is such a close friend that she can't possibly be harboring any romantic feelings toward. Ginger picks up the phone and calls Dodie for an emergency meeting at Macie's house. There, Ginger discusses her dream with the girls. Dodie thumbs through a dream interpretation book and tells her that the content of the dream doesn't matter as much as the overall mood of it. Ginger says that the dream made her feel happy, triggering squeals and giggles from Dodie and Macie. They're so excited for her, especially Dodie, who I guarantee is going to make a bigger deal out of this than necessary.

At lunch at the elementary school, Carl continues to struggle with the perfect letter to Blake.

Meanwhile, over at the junior high school, Ginger stares Darren down at the lunch line like a starving animal. She suddenly becomes concerned about how she looks, asking Dodie and Macie how her hair looks. It looks the same as it does every episode, so I don't see why that would be the focal point of her concern. If anything, if she was really trying to impress Darren, she should have swapped out the French's yellow mustard sweatshirt.

Macie worries that if Ginger and Darren actually do start becoming a thing, the whole dynamic of their friendship will be altered permanently. But Ginger's like, "Nah, we'd all still be just as tight." Ah, silly tweens, thinking their very first relationship will never take priority over their friends... 

Darren pulls up a chair next to Ginger, and things immediately become awkward. If I had lunch with three guys every day for the last several years, and then one day they all started looking at me like I was a juicy porterhouse steak, I'd high-tail it out of there. Subtlety, girls. Subtlety. To break the ice, Darren starts talking about the new movie that's coming out and how his brother can snag four matinee tickets for the group, but things go from awkward to just plain uncomfortable when Ginger's speech disintegrates from sickly bashful to a babbling valley girl with a grammar deficiency.

She's giving them sex eyes.

Darren nervously slinks away to get more food, breaking the spell his dashing good looks and sexy head brace have cast, and Ginger comes to her senses.

Ian saunters over, and I guess he's also been eavesdropping on Ginger and her friends because he indirectly invites Ginger to the same matinee movie. She ushers him away without so much as a giggly laugh. Ginger? Ignoring Ian Richton? Unbelievable. You see, this is what happens when you let Miranda Killgallen near you. She'll take that one male friend you have that has a rock-solid friendship, a friendship that had been planted and grown with the seeds of platonic intentions, and lure you into her cobweb of manipulation. She'll plant thoughts and feelings into your head that you never had; she'll implode your heart and your brain, nick every vein in your body, tighten every muscle, and curl all ten of your toes every time his smiling face flashes in your mind. She will blind you with false infatuation, and that's just her breakfast.

The face of evil, admiring her work.

Later in Ginger's bedroom, Dodie and Macie have uninvited themselves to the outing with Darren in order to give Ginger and Darren a proper "date." Ginger is clearly freaking out, and after Dodie and Macie leave, she buries her face into her comforter. Honestly, I don't blame Ginger for having such confusing emotions. She's on the threshold of becoming a teenager, her hormones are raging, and the pressure to be accepted and liked by all she comes across is a lot to handle. The same thing happened to me a few times in high school, and let me tell you, it made me feel all sorts of weird. What I found was that by having these confusing emotions and false infatuation, we're sorting out the traits that we look for in our ideal mate. There are probably some traits that Ginger finds attractive or ideal about Darren, but that doesn't necessarily mean Ginger finds Darren ideal. I don't blame Ginger for being confused, but I definitely blame Miranda for pulling the trigger.

At the hospital, Lois tells the boys to wait in the nurses' lounge after visiting Blake. What is Carl holding, turnips?

Carl is confident that his plan to weasel the telescope away from Blake will be a success, as Blake's tonsillectomy should render him mute.

In Ginger's room, Ginger gets ready for her "date" with Darren. Her hair is pulled back into a bushy ponytail with a blue butterfly barrette on one side. She's also sporting pearl earrings and a pale blue conservative dress, because this is a kids' show and Ginger doesn't really know how to dress anyway.

But seriously, who dresses like that to go to the movies?

Ginger stares into the mirror and moans Darren's name just as Darren pops in through her window. Jeez, Darren, what if she was butt-naked in there? Anyway, he asks her why she's dressed like a girl, and judges by its flowing nature that she won't be able to kick her legs up on his bike, so they opt for the bus down to the theatre. Then Darren asks where Dodie and Macie are, leading to another really uncomfortable interaction between them. He's totally oblivious.

In the hospital room, Carl and Hoodsey lean over either side of Blake's bed with Blake appearing to be in a coma. They place the card and the turnip flowers down near him, and Winston suggests that the boys leave him be. Carl disregards his advice to leap onto his bed and shake Blake awake. Blake's eyes flutter open, and when he sees Carl, he looks absolutely delighted to see him. Carl asks where Blake's tonsils are, and through Blake's moans and groans, the boys figure out that they've been tossed out. Carl says he will try to get Lois to get them back, and it's blazingly obvious that this is one of those fake be-nice-to-the-vulnerable-kid tropes. Just as Carl thinks he got Blake by the throat--no pun intended--he flatly asks to borrow Blake's telescope. Blake uses every ounce of strength he has to sit up his bed and tell them, "no, no, a million times no!" before wearing himself out. Well, there goes that. They head for the nurses' lounge but end up making a pit-stop in a random room, which is filled with real body organs... in jars. Merry Christmas, Carl.

At the movies, Darren and Ginger are subjected to Darren's brother's trifling with them before getting the four tickets. Miranda approaches the two and complains how the tickets are all sold out, so Darren altruistically gives Miranda and Ian the extra two tickets. Why, Darren? Why?

They get to the concession stand, where Ginger suggests going Dutch on the movie experience. Darren flat-out ignores her to order a large popcorn. He asks her what she wants to drink, and the concession stand guy offers a suggestion of one or two straws. Ginger says one, Darren says two. Still, he fails to catch on, which at this point in time is just plain sad.

Miranda calls over to Ginger and asks if she and Ian could sit next to them, and loudly orders one straw for her and Ian's drink, just to rub it in Ginger's face. I'd like Ginger to rub something smelly in Miranda's face just for doing that, but, again, this is a kids' show.

Back at the hospital, Carl and Hoodsey look awestruck at all the dismembered body parts just sitting on the shelves. Hoodsey finds Blake's tonsils sitting on a nearby cart and when he hands it to Carl, he sheds a single tear like a patriotic American after singing the National Anthem:

God bless America. Home of the free, land of the warehouse of dismembered human body parts floating in jars for ten-year-olds to steal and admire.

While Miranda continues to push Ginger and Darren together, Carl returns to Blake's room to show off Blake's freshly-extracted tonsils and decides to keep them as revenge. So, I guess the get-famous-by-the-end-of-the-week subplot is out.

Back at the theater, Ginger continues to obey Miranda's poppycock to move faster with Darren, but she's clearly uncomfortable and unable to function normally throughout the entire movie. She reaches for some popcorn and purposely knocks her hand into Darren's so he would hold it, but he doesn't notice. Then, Ginger does the same to Ian, because beneath her spell she still has a lady boner for him, but he also doesn't notice. During a jumpscare, Ginger instinctively grabs both Darren and Ian's hands. Everyone notices that, and Miranda's like, "What the hell?"

Ginger is so embarrassed that she blames the whole incident on her pituitary gland--as an allusion to the beginning of the episode--and runs out of the theater to hide her shame. Darren chases after her and finds her sitting alone on a staircase. He asks what her problem is, so Ginger--with nothing left to lose-- tells him about her psychedelic sex dream, and a light bulb finally goes off in his head. He realizes Ginger is confused about her feelings, and he tells her that they're best friends to the point where he considers her family, and Ginger tells him that she feels the same way. Then Darren gives her a noogie for being a silly potato.

So, I guess that's it then, huh? This episode got resolved rather quickly. Even if Ginger really wasn't crushing on Darren, her confused feelings naturally would make her relationship with Darren uncomfortable from then on because now she has all these romantic thoughts in her head about him, but instead, they return to just being best friends. 

Usually, this show resolves conflicts in a realistic manner, but to me, the ending could have been better. I would have ended the episode with Ginger still having doubts about her feelings toward Darren, maybe with a subtle look of disappointment or a scene with Ginger writing in her diary questioning why she thought she had feelings for Darren in the first place. Anything to breed discussion about what Ginger is really thinking. That would have made for a more satisfying ending.

Of course, we're still scratching the surface of this show. There's still a lot more to uncover in the next 53 episodes.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: don't let anyone try to make you confuse your emotions; what Carl wants, Carl will go to any lengths to get, and abandon for a discarded bodily organ