Season 1, Episode 3: "Stealing First"

Trivia: This episode was ranked #95 in Nickelodeon's "100 Greatest Moments in Nicktoon History" in 2007: http://en.spongepedia.org/index.php?title=The_Top_100_Moments_In_Nicktoons_History

Dodie and Macie ask Ginger if Lois gave her permission to go on the annual Lucky Junior High ski trip. Ginger stays abnormally quiet, so Dodie slips Lois a flier for the trip.

Carl snatches it out of Dodie's hand, and he and Ginger get out of the car. Dodie keeps pestering Ginger about why she hasn't asked yet, and Ginger's like, "Go away, I'll talk about it later." The morning bell rings and Dodie and Macie rush off to class while Ginger dramatically stands in front of the door of her classroom looking depressed.

At the elementary school, Carl tells Hoodsey about the ski trip. He proceeds to explain some sort of plan he's cooked up, but is incomprehensible because he's just stuffed his face with over-processed macaroni and cheese substitute. Hoodsey is able to decipher him, and then says, "I don't know if we're allowed to do that." What did he say? Was it illegal, sexual, or morally reprehensible?

Back at the junior high, Dodie continues to aggravate Ginger about why she hasn't said anything about the trip. She hypothesizes that it's because Ginger turns into Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer whenever she's exposed to cold weather, prompting Dodie to pull out some concealer and openly demonstrate the magic of makeup on Macie's swollen hive.

Contrary to popular belief, not everything can be covered with makeup.

I honestly feel bad for Macie. But I also have to wonder: why does she put up with Dodie's total lack of respect for other peoples' personal issues? Dodie basically calls Macie's hive a disgusting pustule that'll ruin any shot of the group's popularity. At least Macie stands up for herself and says, "My angora allergy is nobody's business but my own." Yeah, you go girl! Finally, the show has a meta-moment where it shines a big, fat light on Dodie's extreme disregard for other peoples' business. It's too bad that Macie had to laugh it off, though. It would have been awesome for Ginger and Macie to finally realize what a shitty friend Dodie is and kick her to the curb. Ginger says that it's not about her nose, so this whole scene was almost a waste of time. Almost, because Dodie's behavior finally got called out.

Courtney and Miranda catch a glimpse at the ski trip flyer. They're not down for co-ed winter fun, so they decide to make a bet instead. Naturally, Miranda wants to do something that involves manipulating a fellow classmate and some exchange student, Jean-Pierre, on the ski lift. Jean-Pierre? Really? Is that the only French name Americans know? What is it about the name Pierre that makes it the quintessential name for anyone foreign and anything French? There are tons of other French names: Andre`, Marcel, Gustave... why Pierre? Why Jean-Pierre? Whatever. So, the girls begin cooking up a plot, with doing the other's math homework to bet on, because they have nothing better to do in school.

This will be the cover photo for MTV's newest cartoon drama, Bored and Bitchy.

As Courtney walks off, she mentions they should manipulate Ginger because, word for word, "some people find her charm is absolutely contagious..." with a glazed look in her eyes. If that's not straight proof that Courtney is in love with Ginger, I don't know what is.

Them eyes are filled with lust...

Darren takes a seat at lunch with the ladies and Macie straight-up steals his tartar sauce.

Then Dodie starts getting on Darren's nerves trying to get him to squeeze information out of Ginger. God, Dodie, give it a break already! Darren says he's not going on the ski trip either, as he's getting his headgear fixed up that day. Finally, Dodie busts the last vein in Ginger's balls and Ginger screams out that she doesn't want to go on the ski trip because she can't ski, making the whole cafeteria stop to stare at her. 

You know, this is a new thing for me, but I'm actually going to side with Dodie just for a second. I know, I know, I hate her guts and the cells that keep her alive, but why is it so hard for Ginger to reveal this piece of information? It's not like skiing is a common, everyday skill the average Joe Schmoe grew up with. Usually, only the wealthy or people who live in the mountains know how to ski; Ginger and the rest of the Lucky Jr. High gang are neither rich nor does the show take place in Aspen, Colorado, so this shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is.

And now, I'll go back to hating on Dodie again because the next brilliant sentence that flies out of her mouth is, "Well what does the ski trip have to do with skiing?!" Shoot me.

The gang reassures Ginger that there are other things she can do, like over-the-shirt seven minutes in heaven and downing gallons of hot chocolate, so Ginger happily decides to go. Okay, then. That problem is solved.

Courtney and Miranda approach the group, purposely mispronounce Dodie and Macie's names, and ask if Ginger is going on the trip. Courtney lets Ginger in on the French kid that's going to be there, and says that he totally wants to grind hips on the ski lift chair. Ginger then proceeds to freak out because she didn't think that seven-minutes-in-heaven skit would actually happen. Does she even know how to French kiss a French boy? 

Ginger expresses concern about the ski trip to Lois, meanwhile Carl rummages through the kitchen for old cabbage and electrical tape.

Ginger calls Dodie for support, but Dodie instead decides to ignore her fears and switch the conversation to what Ginger is going to wear for the trip. AUUGGHH. Could you be any more shallow, Dodie?!

Carl has built a makeshift ski lift in his room, so he and Hoodsey decide to do a practice run. For what exactly, I'm not sure. And I guess Hoodsey isn't in on it either because he's confused, like always. It hasn't been revealed what Carl's plan is yet. Either way, Hoodsey is starving, so he runs home for dinner.

The next morning, Carl is heard drilling something in his room. Lois ignores him and makes sure Ginger is awake. Ginger finishes up some last-minute stress-writing in her journal and then Lois introduces the ugliest jacket to ever be hand-threaded with the blood and sweat of Satan:

I know the 80s was a fashion dark age, but come on!

It's about three sizes too big for Ginger, plus it's dirty. Look at those stains. Did Lois wrestle bears as a child? Why did Ginger even accept it in the first place? She didn't even want it! I'm sure she has a warm winter jacket of her own. The girl has to learn to say "no" once in a while, even if it means hurting Mommy's feelings.

Carl and Hoodsey pull up to the junior high school on their bikes and hide in the bushes.

Ginger boards the bus for the trip. She takes note of everyone's more stylish gear, so that's not helping her nerves. Fellow popular girl Mipsy compliments her jacket, and then we get to meet the famous Jean-Pierre, who does a stereotypical "oh-ho-ho" in a stereotypical French accent. But my, is he a looker, or what?

"J'aime toutes le filles! Et mon accent est faux!"

Ginger totally orgasms at the sight of him. Courtney kicks Miranda out of their seat and pulls Ginger in next to her.

Oh, look, it's the ole let's-hide-in-suitcases-so-they-think-we're-luggage shtick. But why is Hoodsey in a dog carrier?

While Miranda listens intently, Courtney begins asking Ginger about her experience with the male species. Dodie butts in, of course, but before she can say much, Courtney basically tells her to screw off, and Dodie sits down all pissed off. Right on! The only thing Ginger can come up with is that one time in second grade when she held a boy's hand--cupped, no interlaced fingers--on a class trip. D'awww. Miranda finds this utterly hilarious, and Courtney starts flirting with Ginger, telling her that she's going to have to make the first move with Jean-Pierre. You know, I don't think Ginger has ever actually even introduced herself to this kid yet. You would think that, as confident as Courtney and Miranda are making him out to be, Ginger would be expecting him to be "advanced" and make the first move. But no, Ginger blindly follows Courtney's advice because where else is she going to get guidance in navigating teenhood from? Dodie? 

The kids arrive at the ski lift and snowball fights ensue. Ian Richton, Ginger's crush, totally nails some guy with a snowball down his jacket:

"That's for rubbing IcyHot in my jock strap, bro!"

Back at the Foutleys', Lois gets a call from Joanne Bishop, Dodie and Hoodsey's anal-retentive mother. They both assume that the boys were at each other's houses, and the jig is up. Lois realizes that the boys hitched a ride up to the ski lift, so she jumps in her car and drives up there. Why didn't Joanne come, too? Hoodsey is her son, after all. Lois stops at a bus stop where Darren is sitting on the bench looking upset. His orthodontist cancelled the appointment and now Darren is missing the ski trip for nothing. So, Lois offers to drive him up there because it's convenient.

The girls all talk about how Ginger is about to get major tonsil hockey action. Ginger says she doesn't know how to kiss, so Dodie tries to show off how to because she obviously has the most experience in this subject. She never shuts up, so how would she know anything about something that requires you to keep your mouth half-way closed? Anyway, she demonstrates how to kiss, making her pull a face that looks like she is begging for someone to punch it:

So, Ginger and Macie try it out too, only for Jean-Pierre to ski on by and call them his "little snow chickens." Ick.

The plan has changed, apparently, because now the girls are going to be riding up the chairlifts after all. The skis are just "accessories" though.

Courtney plays wingman for Ginger, and Jean-Pierre admits in his horrible French accent that "she does have a seah-tin... I don't know how you say..." but then totally fawns over this black-haired chick walking by:

Man, this Pierre guy is a total creep. "I love all ze girls!" But if he ogles and drools over every girl he sees, why does he specifically want to go after Ginger?

Courtney calls Ginger up to her because Jean-Pierre saved her a seat. Dodie gives some last-minute kissing advice while Macie reassures Ginger that she doesn't have to go through with it, like the good friend she is. Both agree that Ginger won't actually have to ski, but they fail to realize what's going to happen when they reach the top of the mountain. Is a dragon going to swoop by, pick them up, and bring them back down the mountain? How did they expect to get down?

Carl offers the ski lift guy a big wad of cash to stop the lift at a certain point. Apparently, he and Hoodsey are trying to set a world record for longest time up in a ski lift. Before Ginger can comprehend what her little brother is doing there, she and Jean-Pierre are pushed onto the ski lift and are whisked up to the top.

"So, what's it like being French? I'm a big fan of your toast." - Ginger

After Ginger insults French culture, Jean-Pierre notices Ginger's nose is getting red, and he finds it downright adorable. Sure, I guess the burst of blood flow from the dilation of restricted blood vessels in the nose can be considered cute. Anyway, Ginger is flattered. The camera pans over to Carl and Hoodsey just as the ski lift abruptly stops. Lois and Darren arrive to bust Carl's balls right in front of the junior high kids. And then she screams at the ski lift guy when he says no one is coming down for sixteen hours. It's pretty awesome, if you ask me.

"I'll give you a world record to set. How does most unemployed sound?" - Lois

Back up at 1,000 feet in altitude, Jean-Pierre goes right in for a kiss, but Ginger ain't having it.

I can totally understand her not wanting to kiss this guy she barely knows, and I also don't blame her for jumping off that chair like that. That takes a lot of guts for someone afraid of skiing. I guess the heat of the moment gets to her, because she starts skiing down the hill like a damn pro while screaming like a banshee. Once she reaches the bottom, she's so relieved that she starts laughing.

But all the fun and games end when she nails Darren and breaks his leg. She wasn't even going down the hill that fast! Ginger profusely apologizes on the trip home, and Darren's like, "It's cool." Then, she signs her name on his cast, dotting the 'i' with a little pink heart. Aww.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: It's okay to not want to go out with the foreign kid; it's even more okay to say no to something you're not ready for; face your fears.