Season 1, Episode 2: "Carl and Maude"

The trio is walking together, complaining about having to do community service from when they tried to steal the enter sign. Well, mostly Dodie is, as she has zero work ethic. The community service they have to do isn't "glamorous" enough for her. This early in the series, and it's the first instance of continuity on the show thus far. Oh, and look: there's the enter sign they failed to steal:

Ginger apparently isn't a dog person, because the one she's walking is pulling her so hard that you can't even see the dog on camera. My guess is that it's a tiny little frou-frou just for the sake of hilarity. Oh, no, wait. It's just Carl. CARL???

I wonder if he can sniff out the other dogs that were there before him...

Okay, I know that kid is a weirdo, but that's just ridiculous. There's no explanation as to why Ginger is walking her brother, so I'm just going to guess he heard Ginger had to walk dogs as part of her part of community service, and Carl just wanted an excuse to humiliate Ginger. Or be himself. Both work.

At the Golden Gates nursing home, Ginger approaches a middle-aged woman and says they're there to fulfill their community service requirements, with a referral from Officer Killgallen. Then Carl sniffs the woman and makes an ironic joke about how Ginger is supposed to be watching him even though he's not the one with the criminal record. Turd.

Hoodsey runs to the Foutley house (very painfully, it seems) with a box of snack cakes. He knocks on the doghouse door, but there's no answer. Hoodsey realizes Carl isn't there after he left a message, so Hoodsey sinks down against the wall all depressed because I guess he doesn't have anyone else to hang out with.

Back at the geriatric farm, the middle-aged woman runs down the list of duties for the girls: Ginger has to run the bingo hall, Dodie has to read bedtime stories, and Macie has to bring desserts to all the patients. That's their community service? Those are the easiest, non-threatening tasks they could have been offered. Come on, these girls were attempting burglary on federal property--they should at least have to thoroughly sponge down at least one geezer each.

The woman also tells the girls to steer clear of some eccentric bag named Maude from room 202. The camera pans over to Carl, who overhears this news with a cheeky flash in his eyes. Ginger solemnly swears to stay away like the good child that she is, but before she could say the same for Carl, he's long gone.

Carl ventures off down the hall--without a pass I might add--and finds Maude's room. He pokes his head inside and sees someone who appears to be trying to climb out the window, probably to escape the prune surprise down in the cafeteria. Carl inquires about her, and she turns out to be Maude, and reveals her whole plan about getting back at her insurance agent involving an inflated rubber glove filled with God knows what. To this strange kid who just walked into her room. She even invites him over to help her, which Carl immediately jumps on. Hey, why not? If some senile old lady invites you to throw things at people from a second story window, you don't think twice about that.

They end up creaming the wrong guy, and basically are like, "Ah, screw it." So they quickly get acquainted with each other. He mentions her reputation is a buzz around the home, and she's like, "Hell yeah!" Then she proceeds to take out her dentures, put them in a glass, pour cherry soda in the same glass (if this wasn't a Nickelodeon show, that would 100% be Brandy instead), put her dentures back in her mouth, and let out an exhilarating aaaahhhhhh. What else is there to do? Bingo is open, I guess.

Dodie and Macie are waiting for Ginger outside the bingo hall and decide to call it quits for the day. I'd really like to know how Dodie's storytelling went. A self-centered brat like her probably bored the old folks about stories about herself and her secret fantasies with Courtney.

So, Ginger calls her mom to come pick her up, but instead is told that Courtney called for her, and then they hang up. I guess the girls are going to be staying the night there, eh? Immediately upon hearing the news, Dodie and Macie squeal like little girls waiting to meet Justin Bieber. Seriously, what is so amazing about some girl that goes to their school wanting to talk to them? I honestly don't get it. 

Back at home, Ginger and Darren hold the phone up to their ears on hold with Courtney's own personal operator line. Damn, how rich is this girl that you get put on hold when you try to call her house? There's even a poor-quality song that plays while the two wait for Courtney to talk to them. So the only thing to do while waiting to talk to the most popular girl in school is to dance. Oh, yeah, Darren's got the beat. 

Courtney comes on the line and asks to be invited over to Ginger's house for dinner, because they're "becoming such good friends." I don't know, it seems like every time Ginger and Courtney talk, their conversations always sound stilted. Does Ginger not want to be friends with Courtney? Or does she, like Dodie, flounder like a fish in her presence? Courtney always makes it a habit to be super prim and proper around Ginger, and Ginger always sounds like Courtney is holding her at knifepoint. Ignoring the fact that Courtney holds everyone's social status by a thin string, Courtney has taken a liking to Ginger over everyone else, even Miranda, so I highly doubt Courtney's intentions are hostile. Ginger stumbles through the conversation, but somehow garners enough charisma for Courtney to still want to eat dinner at her house. After she hangs up the phone, she turns to Blake and mentions how their mother taught them how it's important to have a degree of control over other peoples' lives. Well, then. Courtney would definitely make a good lobbyist some day. 

Back at the doghouse, Carl spruces up his look with a monocle and an earpiece as a tribute to Maude. Hoodsey gets super jealous because now Carl and Maude are getting close via walkie-talkies (seriously, I know this episode is from the year 2000, but don't they have cell phones?). Carl reassures Hoodsey there's no walkie-talkie-ing going on between them, but Hoodsey ain't having it. He pulls a constipated face and says that Carl has changed. I certainly don't see how he's changed. Hoodsey is just jealous that he's not the center of Carl's attention anymore.

In the next scene, Maude, Carl, and Hoodsey are walking down the hall of Golden Gate like they own the place while an old man makes high-pitched groaning sounds next door. Hey man, I get it; constipation is no fun. Then she uses Carl to help her cheat at canasta. 

Ginger begs Lois to let Courtney stay for dinner, and she happily obliges. I think the story would have taken a more interesting turn if Lois said no, or insisted on ordering from some mystery takeout place. Man, I would love to see Carl gross Courtney out at the table and make her run off disgusted with the Foutleys, just to see what she would be like if she wasn't a wind-up doll. Carl comes in dragging a life-sized doll that looks like Mario from the Super Mario Brothers across the kitchen for one of his classified projects, and then invites Maude over for dinner on Friday night. Oh, no! Prim and proper Courtney and mischievous Maude at the same dinner table? Looks like I'm getting my wish after all.

So, apparently, Carl wanted to use Mario as a stunt dummy at the Golden Gate. He puts him in a wheelchair and sends him down a steep hill towards a bunch of old people illegally feeding the ducks by the pond. A sick electric guitar lick plays as they all scream in terror, watching as he flips forward and lands in the pond. Back inside, Carl and Maude share a big, hearty laugh.

Behind them, Hoodsey is still pissed off because Carl is barely paying any attention to him anymore. Why don't you just find an eccentric old timer for yourself then, Hoodsey? Stop ruining whatever time the old lady has left. This is probably the most fun she's had since making a makeshift slip n' slide out of the tapioca pudding.

Dodie and Macie are over Ginger's house to give last-minute advice for when Courtney arrives. What advice could they possibly have? If Courtney thought anything Dodie and Macie did or liked was cool, she'd be fawning over them instead of Ginger. They install a disco ball in Ginger's room, I guess because Courtney is a big fan of the 70s, and deem it the most happenin' thang since sliced bread. Yeah, baby!

🎶 "Stayin' alive, stayin' alive... ah, ah, ah, ah... stayin aliiii-iiii-iiii-iiii-iiii-ve." 🎶

At Courtney's house, Courtney asks for Miranda's opinion on her outfit, and she totally ignores her to talk to herself about ponies. Seriously.

Down in Ginger's living room, the girls scope the room for any potentially embarrassing triggers that could shoot Ginger's chances of popularity to the bottom of the barrel. They take a framed picture of baby Ginger taking her first dump and hide it in between the couch cushions, clearly the best place to hide something fragile and sharp with pointy edges. Then they push the couch to cover up a stain on the floor, which was probably from Carl when he was pretending to be a dog earlier. Ginger sets the table, only to freak out when Lois mentions that she's a plate short, as Carl is bringing Maude over for dinner. This sends Ginger into emotional turmoil, and Lois is just like, "Get a grip, it's not like she's the Queen of England." Well, she may as well be if she has her own personal operator line. Beep.

The doorbell rings, and it's Maude. She must be drunk as all hell because she is DAMN excited to be over her ten-year-old friend's house for dinner! But look how happy she is! Come on, tell me you don't want to put a top hat on this woman, kiss her on the forehead, and put her high on a shelf for all the world to enjoy!

Doesn't she just make you want to smile? LOOK AT HER!

At least she was polite enough to choke up a hairball, first. That violent cough sounds like it's getting worse... Oh, look, Courtney Gripling has arrived!

Later that evening, Maude, Ginger, and Courtney are sitting on the couch together. Maude starts grinding her pelvis all over the couch trying to get comfortable, and doing so makes her yank out the embarrassing picture Macie put under there earlier. See! I told you that was a horrible place to put that thing! Maude is seeing stars at this point, so Courtney asks Ginger for a tour of her house to break away from the crazy old bat who then proceeds to take off her old lady boots and talk about her giant foot deformities. Ginger practically shoves Courtney off the couch.

Carl comes downstairs lookin' snazzy in his oversized suit and top hat. Ginger first reluctantly shows Courtney her bedroom, and Courtney whips out a camera and begins commenting and taking pictures of her bedroom, calling it "charming" and "precious," even though honestly the only awesome thing about her room is the ice cream cone wallpaper. Courtney even opens Ginger's closet doors and begins taking pictures of her clothes. How creepy! It's even more ridiculous because Courtney mistakes a vacuum cleaner inside her closet for a robot. The poor girl. It's up until this moment where you actually can feel sympathy for Courtney. She's had maids clean up for her all her life. And butlers who serve her. It's actually really sad.

"Ooh la la! Leopard-print undies! My, my, Ginger, you sure are optimistic..."

Courtney is FASCINATED with the lower-middle-class lifestyle, and I guess she chose Ginger as her guinea pig to study. And to be fair, I can kind of see where Courtney is coming from. It only seems weird to us because most people are middle-class like Ginger, and they don't see their lives as anything other than ordinary, while Courtney, a rich girl who only knows how to be rich and have everything, sees Ginger's life as something exciting and different from her own life. It's as if we walked through a fully-furnished house from the 1700s. Wouldn't you want to take pictures of everything because it's so different from your own life? Conversely, wouldn't you want to take pictures of Courtney's mansion? Creepiness aside, it's understandable. But Courtney, learn some tact. You're a Gripling, after all. Ginger, you should show Courtney your happenin' disco ball of coooooool.

Back downstairs, Lois and Maude talk about grandchildren and other things that would make a mother uncomfortable when referring to a 90-year-old woman and her 10-year-old "date." Dinner's ready, and more inappropriate conversations spew from Maude's cherry soda-flavored dentures. Lois and Ginger are clearly uncomfortable, but Courtney and Carl seem rather charmed by her eccentricities. It's actually quite amazing that Courtney isn't showing any indication of being bothered by this woman one bit when other people clearly are struggling to keep their food down. She's not clinically insane, though; she does tell Ginger that Maude is down-right revolting. 

Hoodsey drops by to talk to Carl. He says that although he tried (yeah, right) to like Maude, he doesn't trust her for some reason. Carl is like, "You're crazy." And Hoodsey basically says, "Bro, she just wants your lungs. You hear the way she's coughing? She sounds like a truck driver who's smoked so many cigarettes that he burps up ash." So, Carl tells Hoodsey that he knows he's jealous, and apologizes. And they're friends again. 

Carl tells Hoodsey that he's going to propose to Maude and not thirty seconds later, Maude kicks the bucket, right at the dinner table. Can't say I didn't see that coming. 

"Aw, phoo!" - Maude

Aw, poor Maude. Seriously.

This was a really good episode, despite being a bit cliche. Maude was certainly revolting and sick and twisted and all, but that's what made her so likeable, even after her death. The fact that we don't see Carl around her death is even more heart-wrenching. He really did love that old woman, and no kid deserves to watch someone they love die. Okay, so maybe he didn't love her romantically, but he did love her in his own way. And I really hate seeing him so depressed like that. But at least she left him her gallstone.

Lessons Learned From This Episode: You can find love just about anywhere; take time to appreciate the simpler things in life